- Strengths: Best selling author & expresses strong opinions eloquently.
- Weaknesses: Google Hangouts, Dairy Queen, Gilliam.
- Strengths: Convincing Slate to do work, southern charm +5.
- Weaknesses: Microsoft .NET Framework 4, likes Aronofsky, trusted Norwegians.
- Strengths: Passionate and surgical in his critiques.
- Weaknesses: President of the Michael Bay Fan Club; has never eaten Portuguese cuisine; partially blind due to lens flares.
- Strengths: Too good looking.
- Weaknesses: Too good looking.
- Strengths: Unflappable, always very positive, knows the meaning of mackadocious.
- Weaknesses: Uses “password” to secure his bank accounts and credit cards, weak vaporizer battery.