Tim Burton Paving Company Tim Burton Paving Company

Tim Burton Paving Company

A Crow's NestMoviesNew and NaughtworthyOpinion May 14, 2016 Sagamanus 68

Tim Burton is god! A director in season. Most have one work in their life, others can keep that going for eternity with no... Tim Burton Paving Company

Tim Burton is god! A director in season. Most have one work in their life, others can keep that going for eternity with no new DNA, or nothing anyone wants to see injected into the corpse they insist is still alive. How many rock bands in zombie pose do this? The Rolling Stones come to mind. But the whole industry is a sled down-hill. They become a brand. A symbol. Selling their past and the orbiting nostalgia should it be there. The spirit of something that reminds you, you’re still alive…for now.

Yeah he’s a director, writer, producer, and artist. Lead fashion designer and architect. A carnival barker as conductor of a freak show noise machine. But he’s more a furnisher Otho of his own films which can be empty. He’s created universes that need populations. This is the SIMS and we’re left to fend for ourselves searching for characters of any interest. Sure the solid casts are there. Is there anyone denying that?

He’s successfully distilled Roald Dahl and Dr. Seuss into a teardrop watercolor palette of post-apocalyptic suburbia that had no bomb. A machine Frankenstein that makes-up a patchwork world pressed up against another. Misfits have their place in the forgotten part, and should they venture outside those confines into the embrace of a society that can see them as nothing but something that needs to be caged. The result is sticks and torches pushing them back under the dark carpet.

He grafted Halloween onto all other holidays and made it the de facto costume of his world. But Each generation of clone loses something in the process. Until you get a full-blown dummy. Hollow in appearance and just as dumb. Why indulge your fantasy on screen, every inch of it that is? Sometimes it doesn’t replicate well. It’s why Burton is up and down. A Schrodinger’s cat of neither here nor there.

Timmy. Little Timmy Burton. What happened!? Your dad gave you your first car and just as soon as you got it you smashed it into a wall going Mach 1. There was a time when I was complaining that you weren’t getting the necessary money behind your projects and had I been in power, you would have gotten anything you asked for. No questions asked. Yes I was naive and considering how far you’ve gone even pignorant. But all good things come to an end, some even barely before they start. Here is a raised glass to your world. Am I the only one at this party?

1 Pee Wee’s 1984 (1985)

2 Beetlejuice (1988)

3 Batman (1989)

4 Edward Scissorhands (1990)

5 Batman Returns (1992)

6 Ed Wood (1994)

7 Mars Attacks (1997)

8 Sleepy Hollow (1999)

9 Planet of the Apes (2001)

10 Big Fish (2003)

11 Charlie and The Chocolate Factory (2005)

12 Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007)

13 Alice in Wonderland (2010)

14 Dark Shadows (2012)

15 Big Eyes (2015)

16 The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993), James and the Giant Peach (1996), Corpse Bride (2005), , Frankenweenie (2012)

Next page
Author Image

Sagamanus

Damn Dirty Daggit Machine

  • I_am_better

    You finally made it! I gotta save this for later reading – kinda short on time right now.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    As I suspected, Sags took a hatchet to poor Mars Attacks. I like that film a lot and absolutely consider it a absurdist satire, coming as it did on the heels of the jingoistic Independence Day and mocking it profusely. Perhaps I’m giving it too much credit, but I did the film very amusing.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    Many of these summaries are as surreal as Burton’s movies themselves. Was that the intention? Pretty creative.

  • Sagamanus

    I’m insane.

  • Sagamanus

    I didn’t think my dislike for MA spread this far to be honest. But yeah, I think if they had made this into a horror it would have appealed to me more, but still done poorly at the box office.

  • Sagamanus

    Sorry for the length to anyone who reads this, but for anyone who does read this, it is much appreciated. Thank you.

  • Sagamanus

    But yes.

  • Dee-abolik

    Great work, Sag! I agree that the Batman movies are very flawed. They were original and important, but they are not that watchable. Also agree about Sleepy Hollow, it’s endlessly rewatchable and very underrated.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    I guess it would’ve tanked either way. The source material was rather obscure and, being rooted in the early sixties before people had even set foot on the moon, never mind sent probes to Mars successfully, it would’ve been hard for a modern audience to take it seriously. But I suppose it could’ve been made into something cartoonish yet mildly creepy, like Beetlejuice or Killer Klowns – come to think of, it actually reminds me of the latter quite a bit! Yeah, that just occurred to me.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    Aren’t we all?

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    I still enjoy Burton’s Batman movies, especially Batman Returns. Sleepy Hollow is definitely underrated.

    I liked almost everything Burton directed or produced until the turn of the Millennium; the only film I truly enjoyed after that point, was Sweeney Todd.

  • Dee-abolik

    The scene in POTA when the chimp finally landed with his hair dryer spaceship and did the thumbs up gesture…oh lord.

  • Sagamanus

    Hair dryer spaceship. Lol.

  • Kylo Ronin

    What the fu-Is this what you been doing? Damn, I feel lazy.

  • Willard

    Sagamanus I am going to read this!

  • Kylo Ronin

    By the way, dope FMA reference. But the shot against Dr. Who was uncalled for.

  • Sagamanus

    But I love Dr. Who.

  • Kylo Ronin

    Dammit now I look stupid. Thanks for nothing, Saga!

  • Sagamanus

    Which shot did I take again? The one where there were too many epi’s?

  • Kylo Ronin

    I should just assume you are never serious for the most part.

  • Leslie Singer

    “my room mate Mary Is getting paid on the internet 98$/hr”…..!jk246etwo days ago grey MacLaren P1 I bought after earning 18,512 Dollars..it was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k Dollars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly payouts..it’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over. hourly 87 Dollars…Learn. More right Here !jk246e:➽:➽:➽➽➽➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsPlutoGetPay-Hour$98…. .✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸::::::!jk246e….,……

  • Willard

    I don’t think this post has enough tags.

  • Willard

    Yes, even pignoran!

  • Sagamanus

    Neither do I actually.

  • Willard

    This is goddamned fantastic Sag.

  • Willard

    You were caught attempting to leave a disgusting substance of unknown origin on a premises of which was not your own. You can get a job in the afterlife if you’ve got talent, doing some real stupid stuff. You want to see the real product of toxic waste benefits? There is no world outside of this town. ‘Dump the bastard in a sewer’ when they should have done it in a toilet as he was being born. He has no money and is forced back to Earth each time, yet retains his smile and his underwear. All I heard was ack ack ack. Everyone’s chamberpot is full. The tree is a missile battery potato gun that shoots the Horsemen out like a steam catapult defecating through a hell portal. (insert cocks shotgun here) These chimps jump higher, run faster and they all wear clothes to hide their enormous erections. He’s a professional gun-sniffer. Everything has some smiling aura around it as if you were astrally projecting through it. Hair and skin fill the air wherever humans are. Everyone’s a worthless piece of shit so let’s make a business out of it and funnel them back into their digestive systems. I know a lot of people who can barely remember even what’s happening while a conversation is in progress. He’s like a gremlin, and instead of turning into a werewolf he gets volcanic diarrhea. There’s a hole in Alice’s backyard with a rabbit in it. So I will address her as such since I am clearly unable to distinguish between fictional and non-fictional worlds. In Asia peaches are vaginal symbols. You’re not smart kid and you’re entering occultic gate technology psychopathic levels.

  • That’s the one thing that still frustrates me about the blogosphere/twitterverse, etc, this incessant and unmovable declaration which states: “If you can’t make your point in under 40 Characters, let alone words, then you’ve lost 75% of your audience, readership, etc”
    If the subject matter is interesting, and the writing moves along pointedly without much digression, as it does here; the only people you should be apologizing to are the cognitively impaired monkeys who READ THE ARTICLE FOR THE REQUISITE ‘MARS ATTACKS’ Bashing…
    Other than that, Well done!
    🙊

  • No mention of Martin Landau’s Oscar nominated performance as Legosi?
    Unbelievable…🐒

  • ErnestRister

    It’s a tonal misfire. Burton is great with visuals, not so great with plots. Nothing wrong with that – you put a strong script in his hands, you get magic.

    Fun fact…Rush Limbaugh loves Mars Attacks.

  • Sagamanus

    This all sounds familiar Willard. All of it!

  • Sagamanus

    Does he really?

  • Sagamanus

    God damn it! Sorry.

  • KilliK

    any mod here? I posted a news article but I dont know how to put it in the news category. :/

  • Sagamanus

    There is a menu at the side in your dashboard. Scroll down and check the ‘News’ box.

  • Kylo Ronin

    140

  • ErnestRister

    Yeah. Limbuagh’s huge on Mars Attacks.

  • Dee-abolik
  • Sagamanus

    My god this sounds insane when you put it all together.

  • Tis all good.
    I’m prone to glaring oversights as well…
    🙊

  • Stalk👁

    <—Still puzzled by Keaton's casting as Batman.
    "Yeah he can lift a man off the ground without an exoskeleton hanging over the edge of the roof. But when it counted he couldn’t pull ‘ol Jack back up. The plot needed it after all.”

    LMMFAO I know, right? Batman discriminates who he saves or who he let dies.

  • Stalk👁

    Christopher Walker gave a powerful performance in SH and how dare Orci and Kurtzman develop a lameass series with the same title!

  • Stalk👁

    Batman Returns despite its flaws was a very good film. Devito is da (Little) man!

    “Into the Duck, you great White dope”!

    “Just the kind of Pussy, i’ve been looking for..”

    That fucker turned it up.

  • Stalk👁

    No worries, Sags. This will take me a while to wade through but its good shit!
    I never got around to doing this video but glad someone else did!

  • Dee-abolik

    Walken was really scary in that part.

  • Stalk👁

    And a total badass too. Not that lame Scorpion King bullshit, he was the real deal!

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    Loved it. There are some who hate DeVito’s interpretation for making Penguin too grotesque, but it was great how such a nasty character was smuggled into a PG-13 film; his dialogue was full of double entendres and perversions. Unfortunately, Warner Brothers wised up to the fact that Burton was upsetting the kiddies and fired him, leading to the abominable Schumacher toy commercials.

    I would’ve killed to have seen a third Burton/Keaton Batman collaboration in the mid-nineties, set at Halloween, and featuring Johnny Depp as Robin, Jeff Goldblum as Scarecrow, Robin Williams as the Mad Hatter and Winona Ryder as Harley Quinn. Hell, I’d even be happy to see that now, or some kind of Dark Knight Returns deal. Keaton has recently said he’d reprise the role if Burton was involved, but as long as WB are pursuing their fucked up DCEU, it’ll never happen.

  • Sagamanus

    I remember when the film came out, and how horrified a lot of people were at Devito’s look. Yeah there was a strange concert of people that were even disgusted by The Penguin’s exaggerated design. But he genuinely looked creepy, better than anyone could have made him really.

  • Sagamanus

    Thx for whatever you manage here dude.

  • KilliK

    so his design and performance was successful.

  • Sagamanus

    Can never fault Burton for design. That much is true.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    The “freak” version of Penguin was later incorporated into the cartoons and comics, so many of the subsequent Batman artists and writers must have favored that look. I prefer it to the classical Penguin, who was simply a human gangster.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    “Tim Burton Paving Company”? I think I spotted that establishment next door to “Terry Gilliam Tarmacing and Construction Services” once. The latter had a “for sale” sign in the window, and was going out of business.

  • I’ll never forget Batman getting his ass kicked by a fat rapper wearing sunglasses at night. Once seen it can’t be unseen.

  • I used to have great admiration for Tim Burton. Until he made Big Fish, which i hated. And since that movie it has been disappointment after disappointment. I have given up on him. Burton makes a movieand i can’t be arsed to watch it.

  • Toruk_Makto

    In his defense….have you ever fought a fat, black rapper? They are kinda tough.

  • Stalk👁

    OMFG! XD XD

  • But isn’t Batman supposed to be a peak human? Him having trouble fighting ninjas i can buy, but that…?

  • KilliK

    strange. Big Fish is considered one of his best, most underrated films. why didnt you like it?

  • KilliK

    tx

  • KilliK

    tx.

  • Because it’s a parody of his own style and work and themes and all that. It was when that reached saturation.

  • Toruk_Makto

    Oh I don’t know…encountered one dude who seemed peak human to me….although that could’ve been some PCP.

  • PCP? Partido Comunista Português?

  • Toruk_Makto

    What else?

  • I see!!

  • Tarmac492.1

    THis is quite excellent man.Never apologize for length, as long as it isnt bloated who cares? Well done. I think Ed Wood is in my top ten fave of all times. “Mexico was a nightmare…”

  • Tarmac492.1

    His Penguin is an all time non horror monster. Put him up with the gloriously creepy Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, who was solely a creation of Dahl for the screenplay.

  • Tarmac492.1

    Burton at his worst is miles above the overrated Mendes. If the Aliens in Mars Attacks had little Ruffalo Heads I may have lost my shit.