Where there is light, there is darkness…
After we published our official Supernaughts- list of the Best Movies from 2000-2015 a few weeks ago, we once again colluded to create the Yang to the Yin, the list of the Worst of the Worst, a Flop 10!
The time frame remained the same, this time 7 writers contributed to this manifesto of hate!
Due to the sheer length of the article, I’ve included an index so that you can jump quickly between the individual contributions.
An overview of all rankings as well as a short analysis and resume can be found at the end.
|Dee||Stalkeye||AsimovLives||Analysis, Overview and Resume|
As last time, resident Grammar Nazi Puck has the honour to start this ranking off.
My comments will be brief this time around as the very recent birth of my twins made it near impossible to have this submitted in time. That and wasting too many words on this garbage is a sin in its own right.
10. Twilight (2008)
I’ll start with the obvious, that being this horrendously acted young adult vampire romance piece of shit. Every film in the series sucks, but the film that started it all is by far the worst. Also, placing this in the ten spot should tell you right away that I’ve watched a lot of truly awful films if this fucking Mormon panty wetter can’t break the top five.
9. Crossroads (2002)
A chick road movie starring Britney Spears that’s even more boring and cliche than her music. Crossroads is also responsible for steering Zoe Saldana’s career off-course for a good seven years.
8. Battlefield Earth (2000)
I saw this in theatre, at the time knowing nothing about it other than it was a sci-fi film starring John Travolta. I wish that was all I knew now too.
7. Black Christmas (2006)
This remake of the 1974 cult classic is probably the worst slasher film I’m ever seen. Glen Morgan should be ashamed of himself for both writing and directing this unimaginative mess.
6. Cop Out (2010)
Worst buddy cop film ever, worst Kevin Smith film ever, worst Bruce Willis film ever, etc. etc. Increased my hatred for Tracy Morgan tenfold. If you care to know more about this garbage, I stupidly wrote a full article about it here.
5. Hannah Montana: The Movie (2009)
Took my niece-in-law to see this in theatre. As annoyingly awful as Miley Cyrus is now, I’d take her current form over this wholesome family shit any day. At least I managed to avoid seeing the 3D Hannah Montana film. *shudder*
4. Eight Crazy Nights (2002)
I’ve seen a lot of bad Christmas films, but none of them compare to Adam Sandler’s tribute to Hanukkah. Imagine every annoying quality of the worst Happy Madison films wrapped into one steaming pile of animated shit. It’s worse than you think.
3. MVP: Most Valuable Primate (2000)
A mother fucking hockey playing monkey movie. Fuck this shit. I wish I could beat the living hell out of everyone involved in this absolute embarrassment that dares to sully the image of the word’s greatest sport. Mother fuckers.
2. The Cat in the Hat (2003)
I’ve discussed my hatred for the live-action How the Grinch Stole Christmas in the past, but when it comes to the worst Dr. Seuss adaptation, nothing will ever be as bad as The Cat in the Hat. Mike Myers portrayal of the titular cat is arguably the worst performance ever recorded.
1. From Justin to Kelly (2003)
Not just the worst film from 2000-2015, this is the worst film of all time. ALL. TIME. Another one I happened to catch in theatre, this time because my wife was a mindless zombie to the initial American Idol craze. Including us, there were only four unlucky souls in attendance and every groan between myself and the other poor guy dragged into this shit by his girlfriend was clearly heard by everyone. Anyway, this abomination has absolutely nothing going for it. No one involved can act, the chemistry between the leads is less than non-existent, the music is God awful, the choreography is laughable, and what little plot exists is basically the lamest spring break you could ever imagine.
A Beautiful Mind: Otherwise known as Russell Crowe Crying Like a Bitch for Two Hours. It’s also responsible for my long-standing Oscars boycott.
Home on the Range: The worst animated Disney film ever. That is all.
Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore: I watched this only because it was the debut film for a Newfie director. I really wish I hadn’t. I guess everyone has to start somewhere.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas: A slap in the God damn face to the brilliant original animated short.
Eagle Eye: I almost included this one in the top ten, but in the end I couldn’t. Don’t get me wrong, it’s all kinds of awful, but sort of fascinatingly awful. The plot is ridiculous, especially the ending, and Shia LaBeouf is like a deer in headlights. Recommended!
About the author:
Puck is a renowned Grammar Nazi who suffers from OCD and occasional bouts of indiscriminate rage. His love/hate relationship with film, television, music, video games, comics, and sports often leads to uncompromisingly honest opinions and analysis.
Puck’s goal is to ensure the site provides high quality, diverse material that encourages discourse among current readers while also enticing new visitors.
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