The Supernaughts pick the Worst Movies from 2000-2015 The Supernaughts pick the Worst Movies from 2000-2015
Where there is light, there is darkness… After we published our official Supernaughts- list of the Best Movies from 2000-2015 a few weeks ago,... The Supernaughts pick the Worst Movies from 2000-2015

Where there is light, there is darkness…

After we published our official Supernaughts- list of the Best Movies from 2000-2015 a few weeks ago, we once again colluded to create the Yang to the Yin, the list of the Worst of the Worst, a Flop 10!

The time frame remained the same, this time 7 writers contributed to this manifesto of hate!

emperor

Due to the sheer length of the article, I’ve included an index so that you can jump quickly between the individual contributions.

An overview of all rankings as well as a short analysis and resume can be found at the end.

Puck Scott Sagamanus IAB
Dee Stalkeye AsimovLives Analysis, Overview and Resume

As last time, resident Grammar Nazi Puck has the honour to start this ranking off.


Puck

My comments will be brief this time around as the very recent birth of my twins made it near impossible to have this submitted in time. That and wasting too many words on this garbage is a sin in its own right.

10. Twilight (2008)

I’ll start with the obvious, that being this horrendously acted young adult vampire romance piece of shit. Every film in the series sucks, but the film that started it all is by far the worst. Also, placing this in the ten spot should tell you right away that I’ve watched a lot of truly awful films if this fucking Mormon panty wetter can’t break the top five.

9. Crossroads (2002)

A chick road movie starring Britney Spears that’s even more boring and cliche than her music. Crossroads is also responsible for steering Zoe Saldana’s career off-course for a good seven years.

8. Battlefield Earth (2000)

I saw this in theatre, at the time knowing nothing about it other than it was a sci-fi film starring John Travolta. I wish that was all I knew now too.

7. Black Christmas (2006)

This remake of the 1974 cult classic is probably the worst slasher film I’m ever seen. Glen Morgan should be ashamed of himself for both writing and directing this unimaginative mess.

6. Cop Out (2010)

Worst buddy cop film ever, worst Kevin Smith film ever, worst Bruce Willis film ever, etc. etc. Increased my hatred for Tracy Morgan tenfold. If you care to know more about this garbage, I stupidly wrote a full article about it here.

5. Hannah Montana: The Movie (2009)

Took my niece-in-law to see this in theatre. As annoyingly awful as Miley Cyrus is now, I’d take her current form over this wholesome family shit any day. At least I managed to avoid seeing the 3D Hannah Montana film. *shudder*

4. Eight Crazy Nights (2002)

I’ve seen a lot of bad Christmas films, but none of them compare to Adam Sandler’s tribute to Hanukkah. Imagine every annoying quality of the worst Happy Madison films wrapped into one steaming pile of animated shit. It’s worse than you think.

3. MVP: Most Valuable Primate (2000)

A mother fucking hockey playing monkey movie. Fuck this shit. I wish I could beat the living hell out of everyone involved in this absolute embarrassment that dares to sully the image of the word’s greatest sport. Mother fuckers.

2. The Cat in the Hat (2003)

I’ve discussed my hatred for the live-action How the Grinch Stole Christmas in the past, but when it comes to the worst Dr. Seuss adaptation, nothing will ever be as bad as The Cat in the Hat. Mike Myers portrayal of the titular cat is arguably the worst performance ever recorded.

1. From Justin to Kelly (2003)

Not just the worst film from 2000-2015, this is the worst film of all time. ALL. TIME. Another one I happened to catch in theatre, this time because my wife was a mindless zombie to the initial American Idol craze. Including us, there were only four unlucky souls in attendance and every groan between myself and the other poor guy dragged into this shit by his girlfriend was clearly heard by everyone. Anyway, this abomination has absolutely nothing going for it. No one involved can act, the chemistry between the leads is less than non-existent, the music is God awful, the choreography is laughable, and what little plot exists is basically the lamest spring break you could ever imagine.


Dishonourable Mentions

A Beautiful Mind: Otherwise known as Russell Crowe Crying Like a Bitch for Two Hours. It’s also responsible for my long-standing Oscars boycott.
Home on the Range: The worst animated Disney film ever. That is all.
Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore: I watched this only because it was the debut film for a Newfie director. I really wish I hadn’t. I guess everyone has to start somewhere.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas: A slap in the God damn face to the brilliant original animated short.
Eagle Eye: I almost included this one in the top ten, but in the end I couldn’t. Don’t get me wrong, it’s all kinds of awful, but sort of fascinatingly awful. The plot is ridiculous, especially the ending, and Shia LaBeouf is like a deer in headlights. Recommended!


About the author:

Puck is a renowned Grammar Nazi who suffers from OCD and occasional bouts of indiscriminate rage. His love/hate relationship with film, television, music, video games, comics, and sports often leads to uncompromisingly honest opinions and analysis.

Puck’s goal is to ensure the site provides high quality, diverse material that encourages discourse among current readers while also enticing new visitors.

Puck is a columnist, editor, and podcaster on The Supernaughts.

*** Next page: Things you do for love ***

Next page
Author Image

The Supernaughts

Joint article. For info about the individual authors, look at the bottom of each entry.

  • Sagamanus

    Most Valuable Primate? I don’t think I’ve heard of this one, but it makes sense Puck did. I can’t even imagine what one would be thinking in green-lighting that.

  • Sagamanus

    Cop Out? Hmh, it was alright, not sure worthy of being on a list. But to each his own I guess.

  • I_am_better

    “…the idiot brother of James Cameron…”
    XD

  • Sagamanus

    “Pearl Harbor (2001) Made me wish Japan had won.”

    Lol.

  • I_am_better

    Pearl Harbor gets a LOT of love here X)

  • Sagamanus

    Have not seen Tusk. But Jesus what the hell with that pic?

  • Sagamanus

    Drag Me To Hell definitely. I don’t have the love for Raimi Zissou has.

  • Sagamanus

    My god Mike Meyers career went to the land of the unknown. I feel bad now.

  • I_am_better

    He sure has not stood back up like Michael Myers, that’s for sure

  • I_am_better
  • Dee-abolik

    Don’t be shocked Sagamanus, but the 1st GI Joe is kind of a guilty pleasure for me.

  • Sagamanus

    I am shocked actually. I’m sure it has its moments though. I think a lot of the cast is fine in any case.

  • Dee-abolik

    I thought it was bad in a more enjoyable way than bland movies like Green Lantern or Van Helsing.

  • Dee-abolik

    ugh, that was directed at Stalks actually

  • Dee-abolik

    The high-fiving Yetis in The Mummy 3 were a low point in film history.

  • Dee-abolik

    hmm…. LOeG also borders on a guilty pleasure…

  • I_am_better

    One of the low points, for sure

  • Sagamanus

    Lol. Indeed.

  • Sagamanus

    My god. Cop Out on Puck’s and IAB’s list. I think I’ve forgotten about that film already because I don’t remember it being that bad.

  • Sagamanus

    MI2 is a bad film. And I love the other MI films having seem all in a row recently.

  • Sagamanus

    Doesn’t matter I’m picking up the slack.

  • Fucking MI3 is bland like piss.

  • Dee-abolik

    I loved all of Raimi’s movies till he started with Spiderman. Drag… was like as if he rewatched his old movies to remember who he once was. Like a bad band reunion.

  • Sagamanus

    Strongly disagree. Tapes nose to forehead.

  • Sagamanus

    I’ve never seen Max Payne but it is a VG film adaptation. And the record stands at 0 good.

  • Sagamanus

    The Thing could have been expanded on. But they just put a new dustjacket on it. Complete trash.

  • Dee-abolik

    What about Silent Hill?

  • Sagamanus

    Dee I don’t want to hear your Silent Hill love. And I know you’re going to bring it up.

  • Sagamanus

    Lol.

  • Sagamanus

    How many times can the same guy get into trouble? Willis knows where his paychecks come from.

  • Dee-abolik

    You did not like it? I thought it was pretty good. Part 2 was crap though.

  • Dee-abolik

    too late

  • Dee-abolik

    A prequel was a stupid idea from the start. The point of the original movie is that they slowly realize what happened in the Norwegian camp and that the story repeats itself, right? So why tell it again?

  • I remember back in the day when the movie came out everybody were claiming that JJ was the new James Cameron and heir to his crown. Right!

  • I_am_better

    And again.

  • I_am_better

    Again

  • A lot more variety this time around, which leads me to believe there are more shitty movies than good ones.

  • Dee-abolik

    fucking sad!

  • Sagamanus

    Have not seen 10 000BC, but new it was on Dee’s list when he mentioned it once. The dreadlocks thing is to break up the monotony of the hobo look. It’s stupid but pretty much every film does it when called for. I can’t imagine how bad that film is.

  • Dee-abolik

    Well, it gets dumb when EVERYBODY has dreadlocks.

  • Sagamanus

    Battle Los Angeles was touted as a realistic alien invasion. It’s effortlessly terrible and perhaps I should have put it as an Hon Ment. What a horrid film.

  • Sagamanus

    True.

  • Sagamanus

    Riddick? Really? Ha. I knew it. Sharpens a sword.

  • Sagamanus

    So far Pearl Harbor is a catalyst for people.

  • Dee-abolik

    Come on that movie was an ocean of randomness.

  • Sagamanus

    …if you can like GI Joe.

  • Dee-abolik

    that was entertaining at least. Riddick was just dull

  • Sagamanus

    The X-Files film did not need to be made, but the studio wanted it. It’s not like he really had a choice. So go with the flow. Still garbage though.

  • Sagamanus

    I don’t like the James Bond films at all. But the last one was the worst out of the recent crop of films.

  • Sagamanus

    Resident Evil just keeps going and going.

  • Sagamanus

    My god that Green Goblin pic.

  • Sagamanus

    A lot of overlap. Pearl Harbor and Amazing Spiderman seem the most hated.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    90% of everything is shit, or so the saying goes…

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    It should come as a surprise to no one that Bay and JJ are well represented.

  • Sagamanus

    That Van Helsing isn’t number one on everyone’s list is shocking.

  • Sagamanus

    Agreed about Tomorrowland Asimov. It’s a waste of a project. Good concept.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    Who the hell said that? I have a silver bullet with their unholy names etched on it!

  • Dee-abolik

    Yeah I only listed it as an honourable mention, but it might be one of the worst things ever made.

  • Sagamanus

    One good thing about John Carter is the jumping. That does make a film right?

  • Dee-abolik

    I think it’s an okay movie.

  • I_am_better

    I honestly felt my IQ dropping in the theater while watching it.

  • Sagamanus

    Super 8’s kids are actually good. I don’t like the film, but they’re actually really natural.

  • Sagamanus

    And 2007 wins!

  • Sagamanus

    The Dinobots were alright and are meant to be some sort of craggly spiky bridge between races or factions if you want to call them. They were wasted and only appear at the end of the film. If you can wait that long.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    I don’t know: it wasn’t very good, but compared to Bay’s Transformers series, it didn’t plough the depths of dumb those movies reached.

    I don’t think anyone, including hacks like Sommers and Emmerich, were aware that such depths existed. Transformers was like Idiocracy come to life. It out-dumbed the very dumbest.

  • Sagamanus

    I would not say T-Salv killed the franchise since it was dead after T2. Cameron was right to bolt. It was done. We don’t need those questions answered. It was a love story across time. It’s done.

  • I_am_better

    Well – it didn’t kill it. It just ripped all of it’s remaining organs out of it’s body and left it in a dumpster.

  • Sagamanus

    No one likes Cowboys vs Aliens either. I saw it once, it was going through the motions. Ford just glad he could afford more wood for his carpentry affairs.

  • Sagamanus

    Pearl Harbor really is hated. Might as well be cut up and called and advertisement.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    I don’t understand the hatred for it, as only a drug-addled monkey could’ve expected it to come anywhere close to Cameron’s masterpieces or to have been anything other than a generic action sci-fi film.

    Was it competent, but astoundingly average? Yes. But I fail to see how similar retro fan-service exercises like TFA and Jurassic World can receive lots of praise and T-Gen such unbridled hatred. It was really no worse than either.

    Personally, I think the low box office influenced that state of affairs. It became the whipping boy and everyone piled on. JW and TFA’s success inoculated them from such criticism.

  • Dee-abolik

    I enjoy T4 more than T3, actually.

  • Sagamanus

    The thing is they touted Bale as the star of the film or a main one, riding Batman’s success. And he was barely in it. People got mad. I didn’t include it on the list as I don’t hate it enough, or maybe at all. It’s just not anything particularly interesting. And true I would never expect it to match Cameron’s. Did Cameron have plans for another Terminator or anything conceptual?

  • Sagamanus

    Green Lantern. What to say about that? My god what to say?

  • Dee-abolik

    Floating heads: the movie.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    To me, 4 was the worst simply because it didn’t star Arnold and didn’t feel like a Terminator movie, either, coming across more like Mad Max meets Transformers.

    Arnold’s distinctive presence usually makes any movie at least passably entertaining. At least for me. But I have to say he was definitely phoning it in on T3. In Genisys, he at least looked like he was trying.

  • Sagamanus

    The villain in Blade Trinity had a mysterious show called John Doe that was unfortunately canceled. It would have him as the reincarnation of Jesus in the end. Yeah I spoiled it for you. Don’t worry you’ve never heard of it, nor will you see it.

  • Sagamanus

    Haven’t seen a few movies on this list. Noah; The Black Dahlia; Funny Games; The Fountain.

  • Dee-abolik

    Don’t bother.

  • Kylo Ronin

    Uh……………he was also in Prison Break.

  • Kylo Ronin

    I like Cowboys vs. Aliens!

  • Sagamanus

    Rewatched the original Poltergeist recently. I liked it. Have not seen the new one, but I’m probably not missing anything as it’s a modern horror. And there are so few of those worth watching. And by few I mean maybe two. It Follows is one.

  • Kylo Ronin

    You bastard!

  • Kylo Ronin

    You pass.

  • Sagamanus

    Ahh that’s right. I have not seen that show. My brother watched it but for only half its life. Did you see the entire thing?

  • Kylo Ronin

    Get the fuck out!

  • I_am_better

    It was a runner-up on mine. Ended up putting Rush Hour 3 in it’s place

  • Sagamanus

    They’re remaking League. This time closer to the comic. Might not save it though as period pieces supernatural or not, all look the same. And steampunk is terrible on screen.

  • Kylo Ronin

    Hell no. You’re probably better off watching something else.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    Shit, I thought you were talking about Genisys, not Salvation! My mistake. I hate Salvation.

    Cameron may have had tentative plans for another Terminator but he never pursued them seriously because of the rights issue. He’s made a few cryptic comments over the years. The theme park 3D film was supposed to be a bridge into a possible T3 (how is anyone’s guess) and he also made some strange comments to a now-defunct science fiction magazine, OMNI, about Skynet’s machine consciousness feeling guilt about instigating nuclear annihilation and thus creating a war in the aftermath to give the dispirited surviving humans something to unite against. But that may have been for a novel he was considering writing or something.

  • Sagamanus

    A guilty machine? Interesting. Not sure that would have worked on film, ever. But yeah a novel would be fine. Yeah I’m familiar with OMNI, reading occasional pieces when it did exist.

  • Sagamanus

    Too bad Tom Welling’s Hellcats produced TV series wasn’t still on. Yes I actually watched that.

  • Sagamanus

    Good call.

  • Sagamanus

    I like Craig though. Don’t tell anyone.

  • Sagamanus

    Nice pic on Venom Dee. It goes to show how stupid he looks. Surprisingly they tried for something else the first time and apparently it looked horrid. Really? Put it through another strainer, cause it ain’t done.

  • I_am_better

    Then they put the remaining carcass into a blender and came up with Genisys

  • Dee-abolik

    I tried to get the most stupid pic for each movie, if possible. They made the mistake to adapt Venom’s “90s extreme” look to the look of Sam Raimi’s movies, that were stylized after an idealized 60s era.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    I can’t find the relevant quotes but, yes, I think it was for a novel. I specifically recall him saying that it was the kind of idea that would probably only work in more cerebral sci-fi literature and not on the screen, where the focus (at least according to the expectations for a big budget franchise movie like Terminator) is always going to be weighted more toward action and visuals.

    I do expect him to do something with the property in some shape or form, once he gets the rights back – I certainly can’t imagine him just sitting on it until the end of time – but it might be something radically different than the aforementioned expectations. I don’t think it’ll involve time-traveling Arnolds, either.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    But Venom, appearing in the late eighties as he did, never really had any other look, did he? I’m not sure they ever could have matched him to the Silver Age style, no matter what they tried. He’s a steroid-pumped McFarlane/Liefeld-era-of-comics creation through and through.

    And Raimi didn’t want him in the film; his inclusion was at Avi Arad’s insistence.

  • Dee-abolik

    Yeah aesthetically it’s jarring. They tried to tone down the extreme proportions in the movie a little, but that did not work. You’d have to make a visually and tonally different movie to make him work.

  • Toruk_Makto

    Hmm…how about a jQuery accordion layout with a listing of top 10’s.?
    I never make it past page one of these monoliths, simply don’t have the time…but a perusal of a list like that only takes 5 minutes.

  • Toruk_Makto

    I can’t speak for it as an adaptation (probably is horrific).

    But Silent Hill is among my top twenty horror films of all time. Period.

  • I’ll comment on each list, starting with Scott.

    The Hobbit Trilogy: Haven’t bothered to watch it and I love the LOTR trilogy.

    Zombie’s Halloween films: Shitty Halloween films, average slasher flicks.

    The Happening: Avoided like the plague.

    Bay’s Transformers films: Boycotted this shit pre-release and have yet to see more than a minute of any of them and I never, ever will.

    Pearl Harbour: Meh, I didn’t hate it. Didn’t like it either, but just felt like a average pro-America war film following the Titanic romance angle.

    Norbit: Haven’t seen, never will.

    The Love Guru: Haven’t seen but eventually will due to the hockey sub-plot.

    Batman v Superman: Awesome film, fuck you.

    Drag Me to Hell: Terrible movie, just not terrible enough for my list.

    Red State/Tusk: Red State I kind of like. It’s not great, but has some solid stuff. Tusk is worse, but again, it does have its moments for me.

  • Sagamanus

    The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor: Forgot this even existed. Haven’t seen it.

    The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Average film. Never read the comic though.

    Van Helsing: Haven’t seen.

    Ghost Rider: Haven’t seen.

    Terminator: Genisys: Somewhat enjoyable.

    Underworld: Haven’t seen any of the films in this series.

    Fantastic Four: Haven’t seen, assume it sucks, but probably no worse than the others.

    King Kong: LOL I own this on DVD but have never bothered watching it. *shrug*

    Spiderman 3: Absolute horseshit, but it gets a pass for the Sandman stuff.

    American Sniper: Haven’t seen.

  • IAB

    Poltergeist: Haven’t seen, tend to avoid ill-advised remakes.

    The Amazing Spider-Man 2: Garbage, though Paul Giamatti is fun and Dane DeHaan was pretty good despite visually looking ridiculous.

    A Good Day to Die Hard: I’ve actually never bothered watching any DH films save the first, lol. I think I’ve seen parts of the third.

    The Thing: I refuse to believe this exists.

    Max Payne: Horrendous casting aside I thought this was OK.

    Rush Hour 3: Bad movie, much worse than the other two, but still no worse than your average shitty buddy cop film.

    The Fog: I think I’ve seen this. I think. Not sure. Couldn’t have left any impression if I did.

    Rollerball: Oh yeah, this is definitely garbage. Was a potential dishonourable mention for me.

    Pearl Harbour: Already commented.

    MI2: Absolute shit compared to the first, but no worse than an average action film in the end.

  • Dee

    Noah: Hate this film, but it’s fairly well made from a technical standpoint, just moronic and hamfisted.

    10,000 BC: Haven’t seen.

    Chronicles of Riddick: I liked this a little. Not good, but it was OK entertainment.

    The Black Dahlia: Never got around to this one, probably won’t now.

    The X-Files: I Want To Believe: Fuck you.

    Star Trek: Into Darkness: LOL I’m never watching this.

    Quantum of Solace: Easily the most boring Bond film ever, but I still didn’t hate it. Just below-average dullness.

    Pearl Harbor: Already commented.

    300: Go on b’y this is a great movie.

    Funny Games: Haven’t seen either.

  • Stalkeye

    TAS2: Already commented.

    The Matrix Revolutions: I like it. Not great, but good. Doesn’t hold a candle to the original obviously.

    Green Lantern: Never cared for the character, never bothered with the film.

    Cowboys & Aliens: Haven’t seen.

    Transformers: Already commented.

    GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra: Haven’t seen.

    House of the Dead: LOL terrible film, but all the Uwe Boll films I’ve seen were so bad they were good type of flicks to me.

    Catwoman: Don’t need to see this to know it’s shit.

    The Spirit: Haven’t seen other two yet, but The Spirit was another entertaining in its own awfulness sort of film for me.

    Blade: Trinity: Never bothered due to the bad word of mouth and I didn’t like Blade II much anyway.

    Resident Evil series: All fairly average that I’ve seen (first 3 I think).

  • Asi

    Pearl Harbor: Already commented.

    Bayformers: Already commented.

    300: Already commented.

    The Day After Tomorrow: Incredibly dumb film but somewhat entertaining nonetheless.

    Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull: Bad, but has its moments.

    Prometheus: Still want to see this, haven’t found the time.

    Star Trek: Didn’t like it, but didn’t hate it or think it sucked either. Just dull, uninteresting.

    Super 8: Not bad, kinda OK in my book.

    Star Trek Into Darkness: Already commented.

    Star Wars Episode 7: The Force Awakens: Sucks but it’s far from complete garbage.

  • Sagamanus

    Yeah Riddick was fine.

  • Sagamanus

    Puck the only film on any list here you should watch is Van Helsing. Everything else is tolerable.

  • Orcus

    Orcus only had one movie that made him FUCKING FURIOUS and that was Sunshine (2007). It was like watching 2/3 of a good movie with the final 1/3 being utter utter CRAP! It was like in the cartoons where you see two characters holding a bundle of papers and then bumping into one another with the papers flying willy-nilly up in the air, followed by the mad scramble to put them back together but with the contents mixed. That was this movie. It started really well asking some deep questions but at the final third it turned into Jason X. And for christsake, you had the actor who played the fucking human torch from the Alba FF movie in it, if you knew you were detouring into shitsville , just launch his ass into the sun an have him do a Nova burst or whatever the fuck the human torch did to ignite the sum. The movie was so knee deep in feces at that point, even that would have been an improvement.

    What was sad was the recursive movie recap in the credits made more sense than the damn movie. HOW THE FUCK DID THAT HAPPEN???

  • I quite liked 300. The sequel is another matter. But 300 sure as all hell is a better film than say Jack and Jill.

  • I love the fact that they spend a good part of an hour building that guy up to be this bad mother fucker, and when he comes face to face with Blade, he turns and runs away.

  • Sagamanus

    Ha. Yeah. I guess the film has some salvageable things in it though. Just don’t ask me what. Oh wait. That headgear from the two at the beginning. I guess that.

  • Blade is Blade i guess. Its not his fault that everything around him ….. sucks

  • Sagamanus

    I don’t think I’ve seen all of BF-Earth. No matter. No rush.

  • Were you living under a rock at the time when he was Lost’s wonderboy? Or you just blocked that awful memory from your mind? (understandably)

  • At the time i watched SUNSHINE for the first time i felt a bit like you did, but a rewatch mellowed my negatives about the movie.

  • “Star Wars Episode 7: The Force Awakens: Sucks but it’s far from complete garbage.”

    Well, yes, Daisy Ridley did a very good acting job, so yeah, not everything in that movie is crap, just 95% of it.

    Super 8 is a far worse movie than you think of you actually start to think about it and all the wrongs came to the fore.

  • Noah:
    As an artistic endevour it has a lot to admire
    As a message movie is mumbled and confused
    As an adaptation of the Bible it’s risible

  • What to say? Don’t watch it

  • Shame! Shame! Shame!

  • It’s true, the kids are good, especially Elle Fanning. The movie doesn’t do them justice.

  • A waste of talent too, except for fucking Lindelof, who sucks. More than Brad Bird himself, the movie is Lindelof’s and it shows.

  • There’s worse evil than Van Helsing. For all of the movie’sflaws, i can tell the director genuinely loves the old Universal monsters. He’s just clueless in how to present them for a modern audience. This in contrast to Bay and Abtams who can’t give a royal shit about either Transformers or Star Trek except as cash cows.

  • ErnestRister

    Had fun with Star Trek ’09. Had a great time with Super 8. Into Darkness has an awful script, it annoys constantly. The Force Awakens was a blast and a whole lot of fun.

  • Except his fanboys.

  • I enjoyed The Amazing Spider-Man. It’s TASM2 that’s dumb shit!

  • Kylo Ronin

    I feel none. Like, at all. If anything, I feel relief.

  • Like an evacuation everytime you watch it?

  • Good grive!

  • Dee-abolik

    Cool! It’s decent as an adaptation too, I say that as a big fan of the games.

  • Dee-abolik

    I don’t think it was artistically that great, to be honest.

  • Dee-abolik

    I have never seen Jack & Jill. This list is not meant to be an “objective” listing either. Some movies just irritate you more than others.

  • Dee-abolik

    I love Sunshine and I totally dig the twist with the survivor.

  • Dee-abolik

    I don’t even think Noah was that well-made. The CGI is on par with 10.000 BC. Artistically, it’s pretty uninspired, just a bag of ole tricks.

    I knew I would hurt someone’s feelings with X-Files 2….

  • Stalk?

    And he’s (Dominic Purcell) now in DC’s Legends of Tomorrow as Heatwave alongside his Buddy Wentworth Miller!

    http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-PMfF2kr9eag/VpfD4S-EBcI/AAAAAAAAEPo/l79hqxCHCM4/s1600/HEATWAVE_CHARACTER_ARTcc.jpg

  • ErnestRister

    I liked it…goofy final shot notwithstanding.

  • Orcus

    Orcus might have a copy lying about somewhere and after almost 10 years might check it out again based on your assessment. Still, there was a brilliant setup with a great philosophical theme of “hand of man vs hand of god” that was utterly wasted by the detour into slasher territory.

  • ErnestRister

    I’m with you…time has not been kind to MI:2.

  • Orcus

    It was the complete, almost diametrically opposed tonal / genre swap that killed it for Orcus. It was practically bait and switch.

    It had a wonderful setup that needed to be explored and then it was dumped

  • Dee-abolik

    I understand.

  • Dee-abolik

    The one with the boat? What the hell was the idea behind that.

  • Dee-abolik

    I added an overview at the end.

  • ErnestRister

    No idea. Talked about it with Annie. I think maybe they thought they’d never play these characters again and so they wanted to leave them happy…on a raft…in the middle of the ocean…breaking the fourth wall and waving at the camera…yeah, again. no idea what they were thinking.

  • I gathered as much.

  • Dee-abolik
  • Stalk?

    Shit! I neglected to mention Cabin Fever!!

  • I_am_better

    Rush Hour 3 is not an average shitty buddy cop film. It’s an unbelievably shitty buddy cop film.

  • Yes, i agree very much with all you said. A second viewing thus make one realize that the slasher elements were kind of foreshadowed in the movie. It does seem to be a step down from the more cerebral mood and style that movie had until then, yes. Garland managed to retain full cerebral style later when he made his own directed movie EX MACHINA. I wonder if the slasher elements were more Danny Boyle’s doing than Alex Garland. If i remember correctly from the audio commentary, it was Boyle who constantly pushed the movie into being more accessible to audiences.

  • But it had it’s own style. At least i give it that.

  • I once watched that movie. A waste of time. It’s as bad as it’s reputation. Everything said about it is true.

  • So this movie is good if you compare to something out of from scrapping the barrel? That’s damning with faint praise.

  • Trek ’09: when somebody wipes his ass with a franchise and doesn’t even bother to hide it. Even as a non-fan of Trek i found that needlessly disrespectful.

    Super 8: Abrams hits the nostalgia bottoms, also proves he’s nothing creatively, all he does is mining nostalgia. Not to mention his other inability to tell a coherent story.

    The Force Awakens: So to enjoy this movie one needs to be amused by shameless copy and paste jobs from a previous better movie, classic characters turned into losers and new protagonists as Mary Sues. If this is the way to enjoy a movie, than why i wasn’t informed of this? I didn’t got the memo!

  • Stalk?

    Puck, with “Gif-O-Vision”!
    Great choices, Prop! Twilight and any Sandler Movie? How could i have overlooked those turds??!?? The last twilight was very insulting to the clueless fans. A big fight only to end up as a prediction? Fuck this Series and Kristen Stewart! Well actually, KS fucked her Director in order to secure her career i guess.

  • “10,000 BC: Haven’t seen.”

    You’re blessed.

  • Die Hard movies only worth watching is the first and the 3rd (which is a direct sequel to the first and ignores the second). The others might as well not exist.

  • Stalk?

    The first RE Movie was “watchable” but even that was piss poor and the only good thing that came out of that movie was the date with this Blond cutie who I ended waking up in her “boudoir” the following morning. (0=

  • I can’t be arsed with American Sniper. And i admire Clint Eastwood as a director, but this movie, i truly can’t be arsed to watch it, or even remember it exists, when i can watch The Pale Rider, Bird, Unforgivable or Letters From Iwo Jima instead.

  • Orcus

    If by being more accessible meaning taking it into knuckledragger territory then alright 🙂

    OK, you convinced Orcus on giving it a second viewing with this in mind.

    That and the bad science at the end while they were fighting in that bomb thingee plunging through the sun. Shouldn’t they have been crushed? If Orcus remembers correctly (only one 1 viewing 9 years ago) their ships did not have artificial gravity but relied on centrifugal force.

  • Stalk?

    After watching Amazing Spiderman 2, Raimi’s Spidey 3 gets a pass!!!
    The animated version of Van Helsing was much better than the live action film.
    Look it up!

  • Stalk?

    LOL@”Batman v Superman: Awesome film, fuck you.”
    I lub ya Puck, but you know I can’t cosign with you on BvS. Batfleck was the single redeeming factor and then there’s Gadot’s Wonder Woman.

    This Movie possibly ruined it for the DCCU.

  • Stalk?

    Exactly!

  • Zed

    It’s not perfect, but I don’t get the hate at all. Is it because Disney?

  • Orcus

    Sunshine was the ONLY movie that made Orcus spit nails in fury. And when you think about it, when was the last time Orcus REALLY hated a movie?
    Orcus sat down, was treated to something that was touching on 2001 territory and then it turned into the burned nekkid crazy man poppin’ out of closets killin’ people show. Mother fucker running around like Freddy Kruger with no pants on was more like it

    Rant mode off, Orcus will try to find a copy and do a re-assessment.

  • Zed

    The only noteworthy thing about it (other than its over-budget schlockiness) is that Richard Roxburgh manages to paradoxically be both the best and worst Dracula ever.

  • OK, the science of Sunshine is a bit wooby. Somethings they got very wrong and others right. A few short words about it:

    The wrong: instant freezing in space vacuum. It doesn’t happen. In fact in space you lose heat very slowly, the slowest process even, because without another medium to transference, you lose heat through irradiation, which is very slow.
    The gravity inside the Icarus is all over the place, it doesn’t make sense given the geography and design of the ship.

    Right: strangely enough, the gravity in the fight scene at the end is kinda realistic, considering that the mass of the entire fussion material to be dropped to the Sun has the same mass as the Moon in a much more compacted space, this the gravity would be even greater than the Moon’s itself. It’s even said in a line of dialogue, but it’s easy to miss it.
    Consider this: Planet Mercury is smaller than the Moon, but it’s mass is 5.5% of the Earth compared to the Moon’s mass is 1.2% of the Earth. Thus, Mercury has more mass but less volume than the Moon. Mass compressed to a small volume makes for a relatively high gravity. Thus, Mercury, despite being smaller than the moon but with more mass, it’s gravity is 30% of Earth’s, which is nearly the same as Mars, compared to the Moon’s 18% of Earth’s gravity.

  • After watching TASM2, you realize there are no bad Raimi Spider-Man movies.

  • Orcus

    The problem with Quantum of Solace was that it was a chapter movie and not the standard stand alone Bond movie and nobody realized it. If you watch the first three Craig bond movies you see the intertwining thread of the shadow organization that culminates in the Spectre movie. Do a marathon of those 4 movies an it will make more sense.

    Orcus stumbled on this revelation while doing a back to back Bond marathon with the Orcling with whom this was her initial Bond outing, she had no concept of Bond prior to this. She was the one who had a question that made me think that it was all interconnected. Credit goes to her on that

  • It’s easy to tell that Raimi doesn’t like Venon. All of the villains in his Spider-Man movies have some redeeming qualities to them or some tragic sympathetic dimensions to them. Venon is a one-dimensional nonredeemable villain with no qualities or humanity.

  • No no. I think it’s very good on its own. Very stylish in its visuals. The story is simple enough of course. But it stayed pretty faithful to the comic, which itself was over the top.

    It was never gonna win an oscar for best adapted screenplay of course. But I get that these lists are personal preferences ( biases )

  • Orcus

    OK, that makes more sense. For that one viewing Orcus had it was like “They are fighting in a box in the middle of the fucking sun”. There might have been some sobbing in pain at that point for Orcus while still reeling from the 3rd act to even care at that point 🙂

  • Heh?

  • T4’s problems is not due to the absence of Arnold. That was the lesser of the movie’s problems.

  • Funny enough i had a harder time coming up with terrible movies than really great ones.

  • It’s an axiom created by Theodore Sturgeon. He created it while an editor of a SF magazine, a sort of Murphy’s Law of his for having to endure constant SF stories send in the hope to be published by his magazine. It’s not literal true. A more true assessment is that 80% of everything is unremarkable and the truly great or crap makes for 10% each.

  • Zed

    Lena Headey is the best part of 300. Actually, she’s the best part of nearly everything she’s appeared in. She’s kind of like Vincent Price that way.

  • We can always pretend the prequel never existed. Me, i never remember it does. The Thing is ONLY Carpenter’s film.

  • Zed

    ..

  • I quite liked Silent Hill.
    And Sean Bean doesn’t die in it! Bonus points for that.

  • You know, i used to not think much of her…. until Game Of Thrones, and then i realized she is indeed a damn good actress.
    And remember, she played a lesbian and made love with Piper Perabo in “Remember Me & You”, FYI.

  • Zed

    She also added a lot to The Cave, and kicked ass in Dredd.

  • Stalk?

    At this point, I can forgive that Emo Disco Parker…..OK, that’s gonna take some time….
    http://www.nastyhobbit.org/forum/animated_gifs/emo-parker-disco.gif

  • Zed

    Ugh. Jazz club scene is still worse, though.

  • Dee-abolik

    Looking at the illustrations of the source material, it cannot quite live up to that degree of imagination, I guess. I haven’t read those books though, so I took the movie as it is.

  • Dee-abolik

    I don’t think so. Re-used, stale music video imagery as always.

  • That fight didn’t happened in the sun itself, but on the sun’s surface. Considering that at that part of the Sun the density is very low and the temperature is still “only” about 5000 degrees, which the “box” was designed to withstands, it’s not too far to accept the notion that at least at that moment of the descent the thing would still retain integrity. Because the Sun is so huge, it would take hours to pass the surface layers. The movie also points out that the Sun’s gravity would increase exponentially the closer it gets to the center and things get weird with time. That’s the why it seems time stops when Murphy looks directly at the Sun’s mass in his final moment. Literally, time almost freezes for him because that is what would happen if one could dive into the Sun. A similar thing, but in a lesser scale, to what if one would dive into a black hole.
    Fun fact: the Sun’s corona is actually hotter than the surface! Nobody knows exactly why yet.

  • Toruk_Makto

    Lol. I agree with Bayformers, TFA and Star Trek 2009. Pure suckage.
    Haven’t seen Super 8 or Into Darkness and I never will.

  • Dee-abolik

    Anything else would be pointless.

  • Toruk_Makto

    I knew the movie was going to be shit as soon as I heard the Beastie Boys….and I like the Beastie Boys.

  • Orcus

    OK, Orcus will pay more attention. This time without the tears of pain blurring things

  • Stalk?

    Better than “David Bowie” Goblin.

  • The story is not simple, it’s simplistic. It’s made by people who wipe their asses to history. Even a simple story about the Battle of Thermopylae wouldn’t need to be this stupid. There is a huge difference between simple and simplistic.
    Stayed faithful to the comic? Good for it! Too bad the comic is dumb history! So the movie is twice dumb. Nice!
    The “it’s not supposed to win Oscars” is a non-excuse, that’s just an attempt at dodging criticism. No can do. It doesn’t work that way. There are no free lunches.

  • Dee-abolik

    Yeah we talked about that before.

  • Screw The Cave! Watch THE DESCENT instead for a properly good spelunking terror film.

  • Well, the editing and the cinematography is very banal mass commercial action movie type. But the world building is pretty good. Though i didn’t liked the costume design.
    One thing i tell you, never once i was convinced i was watching a story set in the early Cooper Age. And the least said about steel weapons existing before the Iron Age the better. I really have a huge pet peeve about that!

  • Into Darkness is a very funny comedy. You will never believe adults were responsible for such a movie. Best Involuntary Comedy of the decade.

  • Dee-abolik

    The costumes were the typical “good guy”- hippie costumes from post-apocalyptic movies. Everybody who wears bright-coloured hemp-cloth belongs to the good guys.

  • Toruk_Makto

    “Rush Hour 3: Bad movie, much worse than the other two, but still no worse than your average shitty buddy cop film.”

    Rush Hour 3 is nowhere near a top ten bad movie.

  • I worship the Beasty Boys, but it’s so dumb to have them as the thing a teen kid would listen in the 24th century.

    I mean, if you want a comparison, the Beastie Boys scene would be like if you had a kid of today rocking to Johannes Sebastian Bach played by a brass band on the back of the horse-drawn card you stole from your Amish step-dad.

  • Dee-abolik

    I agree, the 90% rule is too negative. That was just hyperbole.

  • Well, Parker is supposed to be in Super-Asshole Mode at that time, so if you ask me, that Emo Disco thing is an excellent way to show how low Parker has descended into.

  • And evil villains use leather. Or vinyl.

  • Your opinion is as valid as any others . But that’s all it will ever be. Your opinion.

    Anyone who saw the trailers for this and went in expecting anything else than exactly what it delivered is a moronic jackass. Normally when a movie is forced to have a narration track its because its so narratively broken that it needs it. .I could list examples but I won´t. Here it served a purpose to the overall story, as the whole tale is being recounted by the one soldier who went back.

    Its not a badly directed film, nor badly acted. It has superb action, and it balances the action with a fair amount of (dark ) humor. The visual style of it is also damn near universally praised. Now its been ripped off so many times its become parody, but at the time it was new.

    And I wish cancer on Zack Snyder btw, but I give credit where credit is due. Audiences loved this film, and so did about 60% of critics . Not that film critics opinions matter much more than dogshit matters, but anyway.

    But hey, these are just my opinions. Its not like any of it matters at the end of the day. At least Snyder didn’t have to release two or three different versions of it for it to make sense to the general public, which it was intended for…..

    😉

  • Discussing movies really is pointless though. Like I totally get that a 56 year female film critic who went in to see TDK , having never seen or heard of Batman beforehand would most likely rip it apart and laugh at the stupidity of a grown man dressed as a bat. And the thing is, her opinion would be as valid as any other. I could try to explain “Batman” to this person, but it would be pointless. Suspending disbelief only goes so far. Its like, yeah, i get the dialog i guess, but that guy is dressed as a fucking bat, and his enemy is a clown ???

    If a movie was released now called Kangaroo Man , about an australian billionaire who dressed up as a kangaroo to fight bush fires we would all likely laugh at the premise alone. …… And why shouldn’t we ? It sounds ridiculous as fuck.

  • G.S

    I dare you to watch Warnings (2003)… -_-‘

  • as long as JJ didn’t direct it, its better than the last two Star Treks and The Force Awakens. That’s just the way it is.

    http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lquofq5o1M1qb24p7o1_500.gif

  • Dee-abolik

    I don’t think discussing movies is pointless, especially as long as you can reason your opinion. Which everyone did here. Of course those reasons can be discussed too. Lists like these are meant as an exchange of opinions and viewpoints.

  • Toruk_Makto

    Like I said…I knew it would be shit. I had a strong feeling contextual logic would be the least of the movie’s problems…and I was right.

  • Dee-abolik

    I gotta admit that senseless, unending trashing of a certain director is really tiresome.

  • Dee-abolik

    Guess it would be funnier if his name rhymed on “Hack”.

  • Toruk_Makto

    I raise your fine..and move The Chronicles of Riddick into good category.

    Happily placed among Toruk’s top 100 sci-fi / fantasy flicks of all time.

  • Toruk_Makto

    Good point.

  • Zed

    There are some real stinkbombs that don’t appear on any of these lists, possibly because your brains suppressed such painful memories. Well, time to reopen some old wounds.

    Devil (2010) – Despite some unintentional humor (like the infamous toast scene), this movie is just painfully stupid. Worse than The Happening.
    The Lone Ranger (2013) – It’s not as bad as the critics said. It’s actually much, much worse.
    The Stepford Wives (2004) – One of the worst comedies of that decade, and yes, that’s saying something. Vanquished the careers of nearly everyone involved. Only Nicole Kidman escaped unscathed.
    The Reader (2008) – Holocaust movie disguised as a character drama, made for no purpose other than to get Kate Winslet an Oscar. Mission accomplished, assholes.
    Freddy Got Fingered/Bubble Boy/The Animal/Corky Romano (2001) – This century got off to a very bad start, didn’t it?
    Atonement (2007) – Nauseatingly pretentious direction, photography and musical score, with a plot that makes zero sense and an ending that feels like the writer/director hocking some sizable loogies in your face. I would rather eat broken glass than watch this movie again.

  • Dee-abolik

    Yeah definitely agree about Devil. The Lone Ranger was wrong on so many levels. Never seen Stepford Wives. The Reader has an interesting story, but it’s kind of wasted. Atonement is a rather intimate story at heart, but it clashes with the sweeping, lush period movie style.

  • Indeed. But one’s reasons are ones own if you get my meaning. Someone might come up with many reasons why they love the Bayformers movies . Or why Justin Timberlake is a better actor than Robert De Niro. Who are we to disagree……

  • The Beastie Boys moment was my WTF moment when i first watched the movie and became convinced the people who made it were not taking it seriously. The rest of the movie was a depressing pile up of confirmations of that assessment. The movie truly made me feel depressed by the constant insulting to the audience’s intelligence. As if one Michael Bay was not bad enough already!

  • My opinion is based on my dual love for history and cinema both. It’s not just something i bought in the supermarket, it’s born off deep love for both those things, so it’s an informed opinion. The movie fails at both history and cinema. The movie is good fun for mocking the shit out of it.

  • And my opinion is what ?

    ( ^^ rhetorical ^^ )

  • Toruk_Makto

    Yeah…I don’t know. I just fucking hate the guy. I mean..imagine when you were young and you’re playing with a bunch of kids and one of them grabs one of your favorite toys and proceeds to take a watery shit on it…grinning at you the whole time.

    Do you have any idea what would have happened if some fucker did that to me?

    I would have tried to eviscerate them with my bare hands. That’s assuming that my brother or another relative didn’t get to them first. I may have had to wait in the disemboweling line.

    But that’s basically how I feel about the fuckwit.

    Never forgive.
    Never forget.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    “A more true assessment is that 80% of everything is unremarkable and the truly great or crap makes for 10% each.”

    Yes, and 90% of statistics are made up on the spot. Or is it 32%?

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    It’s problems were not due to Arnold’s absence, but its lack of any redeeming entertainment value whatsoever in the face of such problems most assuredly was.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    Funny, but I always found that scene a highlight of the movie and extremely amusing. It’s one of the few times you can see Raimi’s personal quirks emerge from an otherwise focus-grouped studio blockbuster. The same can be said about the “raindrops keep falling on my head” montage in the second film.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    Yes, and it’s hilarious, too.

  • Kylo Ronin

    Like I’m glad I watch it every time.

  • Kylo Ronin

    ……………Ahem.

  • Kylo Ronin

    Watch Noah!

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    “As an adaptation of the Bible it’s risible”

    This is not at all true, unless you’re very specifically referring to the Christian Bible and not to other recorded versions of the Noah story. Aronofsky’s film, no matter how nutty it may have appeared in light of common Western expectations of the tale is, in fact, relatively faithful to Jewish scriptures such as the Book of Enoch. This probably accounts for the upset the film caused among fundamentalist Christians in the US: it doesn’t conform to any of the straitlaced teachings of the myth in mainstream Christian culture. Not the Sunday School version of Noah’s ark, in other words.

    Not that I’m saying either version of the tale has any credibility or claim over the other: they’re both nothing but fantasy nonsense. But Aronofksy’s Jewish version of the story (excluding a few New Age-isms he deliberately included to create controversy) was by no means an anachronistic interpretation of religious writings. Its historical “validity” is another matter entirely.

  • Dee-abolik

    lol, how was he the best?

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    When it comes to Asimov, his opinion on subjective matters magically becomes objective. Didn’t you know that by now? xD

    300 is undeniably historically inaccurate. Even a child would realize that. There’s no debate on that score. Nor was it intended to be – it’s a stylistic exercise. But, while I’m not a fan of the movie myself, there are many other levels on which one could perhaps make a case for it – or any movie, for that matter – beyond flat dichotomies.

    For example, within the narrative itself the story could be taken as embellished legend from an unreliable narrator whipping his troops into a frenzy for battle through tall tales, no different from the heroic fantasies imparted in Greek mythology. Indeed, the original comic was intended as a deliberate pop art interpretation of genuine historical events, so that concept works on both a meta and in-universe level. There have been precedent for those kinds of cultural appropriations throughout real history, too. Comic art is but a 20th century version of it.

    In any case, there’s always a point in debating things, whether as an intellectual or imaginative exercise. I’m not an admirer of reductive, compartmentalized reasoning, which seems to be based more on arrogance or a desire to be right than anything else. And it certainly isn’t based on the tenets of good and thorough critical thinking, either.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    Are you kidding? He looked like one of the New Romantics. Awful, awful Dracula. I hope they do far better with the Universal Monsters reboot version.

  • Dee-abolik

    I personally don’t have qualms with the historical (in)accuracy of the movie. As I wrote in my ranking I am more put off by the dullness, the stale aesthetics and the political undercurrents.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    Yeah, I know. I was taking umbrage more with Asimov’s claims that, simply because the film wasn’t historically accurate, it could readily be dismissed without further thought. That’s too narrow an ideology for art. If he had other, more considered reasons, he didn’t state them.

  • Dee-abolik

    I understand. I do agree with Asi to a certain degree though. It can be dangerous to fictionalize history to make a certain point.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    I’ve just gone back to reading the main article, which I had not yet fully read, where he actually does expand on some of these things in more depth, as well as the supposedly “apologist” idea that the film could be considered propaganda. But his arguments aren’t consistent.

    He reasons it’s impossible for a Spartan to imagine African creatures, but then says the movie’s dumb because, in real life, they weren’t trainable. The two points contradict each other. If it is merely an improbable fantasy to begin with, the “realism” of the second point wouldn’t matter at all! And it is hardly without the bounds of possibility that Spartans couldn’t have heard tall tales from Persian and African emissaries, at least in the context of the movie’s culture-clash anachronisms.

    I do think it’s a fairly stupid film, and quite a boring action movie as well, but not for the above mentioned reasons.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    I don’t know; I never watched Lost or paid much attention to the hype around it but, strangely enough, I had heard of Abrams much, much earlier. I think it was in the late nineties, around the time Armageddon came out. Without consciously realizing it, his name somehow filtered through to my reality, although I then had no idea who he was. For some reason, I assumed he was some kind of legendary behind-the-scenes producer/screenwriter; what other reason could there be? Later, when Abrams moved on from TV into movies and became bigger still, I recalled my early awareness of him and to this day, I’m puzzled by it.

    Now, if you look back at his credits pre-Lost and even before that Felicity chick drama thing, his early fame seems absurd, for he then had very few credits to his name and they were for some truly awful films. So why was his name being touted in the media so frequently that people like myself became aware of it almost without consciously knowing? The guy has clearly had media enablers and Hollywood insiders shilling for him from day one.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    The Lone Ranger wasn’t that bad.

  • He’s son of a very important studio executive at Paramount.

  • No, Noah gets a lot of the bible mythology wrong. Even as an atheist i felt a bit embaraced with the liberties that Noah took.

  • Like expurgation.

  • Yes. That movie managed to psis off a friend of mine who never gets pissed at movies.

  • CoolHandJuke

    Some of y’all need to take the sticks out of your asses. The rest of y’all need church!

  • Kylo Ronin

    No expurgation at all. Just plain, old fashioned joy.

  • CoolHandJuke

    Meet the Spartans deserves to burn in hell for taking the box office from Rambo. Also where is Driven?

  • Dee-abolik

    Who but you remembers Driven?

  • CoolHandJuke

    i remember slow motion water aerobics by the hot chick from Burton’s Planet of the Apes…

  • CoolHandJuke

    the week after i saw it, i went around constantly saying “the Creator brings him home!”

  • CoolHandJuke

    Daisy Ridley’s ass deserves an Oscar…

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    That explains it, then. I was aware that his parents had been involved in TV and/or film on some level and had connections, but not that his father had been that high up the food chain. It might also explain how he got his claws on Star Trek, which is, of course, a Paramount property.

    I think my respect for Abrams just went from zero into minus territory. Talk about being born with a silver spoon.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    I’m talking about elements like the Watchers and the LOTR-type battle scenes, which many thought were fantastical anachronisms not in keeping with the traditional depictions of the Noah myth and nothing but a Hollywood attempt to copy recent fantasy films. Some Christians mistakenly believed Aronofsky was insulting the Bible by inserting weird and silly elements out of pure opportunism

    Well, those elements are quite justified by the texts Aronofksy was using as a source. There are references in the aforementioned scriptures to fallen angels, encased in earth and rock, conferring with Noah and later defending the Ark against swarming multitudes. It’s an idiosyncratic and personalized interpretation of those abstract concepts and prose descriptions, but no less valid for all that.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    The hatred for Quantum of Solace is a bit strange. Spectre and Skyfall were far worse, and certainly much more dull. QoS still retained some good qualities as a result of its close proximity to the excellent Casino Royale. It at least displayed energy and was a brisk, efficient and brutal outing, reminding me somewhat of Dalton’s Licence to Kill. Then Sam Mendes took over and completely derailed Craig’s run with his self-consciously pompous and dull directorial style.

    The shaky cam action sequences and lack of a third act (dictated by a Writer’s Guild strike) are the main culprits in letting that movie down. It was a compromised production all round, but by no means awful. There was worse Craig Bond to come.

  • Orcus

    It was a good second act in the context of a longer narrative. Orcus rather enjoyed Skyfall although Javier Bardem just didn’t seem like the Bond villain type. He’s a good actor but he didn’t click with Orcus.

    Spectre was simply the Dr Eeevil MWHAHAHAHA show. It was fun, it was entertaining, but c’mon, you could smell the taint of Austin Powers on this one. Orcus did love the continuous tracking show from the beginning of the movie though. Props to that

  • The elements like the Watchers, while from the apocrypha (not the bible), are still misrepresented in the movie, where Aronofsky confuses the giants with the nephelim.
    The thing is, if you actually read about those elements as established, they are more interesting than the version shown in the movie.
    And the least said about fighting scenes inside the Ark the better. As i said before, even as an atheist i felt embaraced by watching them, and this is a movie made by a believer!

  • Abrams’s father took him to watch a pre-screening for the studios of Star Trek: The Motion Picture. That shows how well he was familiarized with the higher aeschelonsof power in Hollywood since a young age. Abrams’s father is good friends with Nicholas Meyer and the latter even read lil Abrams bedtime stories when he was a child. Sadly, despite all that contact, Meyer’s skills to tell a good Star Trek yarn didn’t pass unto Abrams.

  • The joy of relief from expurgating something that had no reason to be in.

  • Devil: didn’t watch it
    The Lone Ranger: couldn’t be arsed
    The Stepford Wives: watched the original
    The Reader: didn’t watched it
    Atonement: a plague to your house! it’s a great movie, i pity the fools who don’t understand why.

  • I_am_better

    Me. Was on my runner-ups

  • Dee-abolik

    They are all bad, but QoS has a very mean-spirited streak.

  • But my major gripe with the movie is the style, it’s so modern blockbuster type movie. for a director who is so off-beat and artistic in his style as a filmmaker, the movie was as if Paul WC Anderson was trying to make a pastiche of a Aronofsky art-house movie but couldn’t let go of his mainstream “sennsibilities”.

  • KilliK

    after watching Spidey in CW, I have been thinking:

    here is one good thing those two assholes, Orci and Kurtzman, did. they ruined for good the Amazing Spider-Man franchise with their abysmal AMS2 which eventually forced Sony to cooperate with Marvel and re-reboot the whole damn thing.

  • KilliK

    300 was never supposed to be a historic film. it’s a comicbook movie.
    COMICBOOK.

  • KilliK

    isnt Nicholas Meyer related to JarJar? and Spielberg was a close friend of the family. Jewish lobby in HW and all that..

  • Lame ass excuse that! Is this the new excuse dumb ass movies like that are going to use now?

  • So, by doing wrong, they did good. Now that’s irony!

  • KilliK

    it’s not an excuse, it’s the reality. It’s like criticing a drama movie for not scaring you because you thought it was a horror film. As Turd said below, Frank Miller who was fascinated with the Thermopylae battle (he even visited Greece to see the tomb), created his own interpretation of that story as a comicbook artist. The movie is a direct adaptation of his pulpy artwork. it’s not supposed to be an academic lesson in history, just an entertaining storytelling of a historic event through the eyes of a comicbook artist.

  • KilliK

    yep.
    btw, Asi, did you see Civil War? what did you think of it?

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    I never claimed The Watchers were form the Bible. Pay attention, man!

  • Kylo Ronin

    No, I felt no need to expurgate anything.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    Representing biblical events in the style of a surreal fantasy blockbuster is a bold move in itself. It’s not as if Aronofsky set out to make an historically accurate version of the period, free from supernatural elements (which would pretty much torpedo the idea of a great flood to begin with, though not the building of arks). That would be a very different film all together.

    Doing so contextualizes the biblical events in a fantasy context (which is really what they are), removing them from the dogged literalism of the bible bashers and returning them to the level of metaphor and myth – which is the only context they can truly have any meaning in.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    Exactly. A pulp comic book art propaganda piece isn’t an “apologist” excuse. It is what the movie – or rather the original comic – was fully intended to be. Whether Snyder picked up on this is another matter, but it was certainly Miller’s intention from everything I’ve read.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    That’s why I like it!

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    Don’t know about Meyer, but Spielberg was a family friend and used to visit the Abramses a lot when JJ was a teen.

  • KilliK

    I remember reading somewhere, I think in an interview with JarJar after releasing STID, he was talking about how Meyers was a relative or something and that he gave him to read a Sherlock Holmes book when he was a kid and how important it was for him to retell in his own way the story Meyer created with WOTK. Unfortunately, I cant find that interview right now.

  • Dee-abolik

    I dunno. Felt like amateur hour for me. I cannot disagree that the successor were pretty shitty too though.

  • Bop

    Fuck Twilight. Fuck Crossroads too. And if I had children and they were watching Hannah Montana they would get house arrest.

  • Bop

    Yeah, Chronicles Of Riddick wasn’t bad at all.

  • Bop

    I liked Freddie Got Fingered a lot.

  • Bop

    Loved GI Joe Rise Of The Cobra.

    Reynolds stole the show and made Blade 3 enjoyable.

  • Bop

    I have all the vcds of John Doe. Does that make me a bad person?

  • Bop

    And in Assault on Wall Street.

  • Bop

    I enjoyed Green Lantern and no, I am not a masochist.

  • Bop

    Me. 🙂

  • Bop

    I watched it too. That black cheerleader was hot.

  • Dee-abolik

    In a good or bad way?

  • Bop

    Fuck the Transformer movies.
    Fuck Nicholas Cage for ruining Ghost Rider.
    Adam Sandler? Fuck him too.
    Sasha Baron Cohen? Somebody please beat that motherfucker up.

  • Bop

    In a good way. I must have watched that movie at least 4 times.

  • Toruk_Makto
  • Toruk_Makto

    It’s all about context.

    One of the key elements…or abilities of the geek is to use their imagination to envision or “accept” a fantasy reality and the rules that go with that realty.

    It’s kind of like a game….some are very, very good at it…while others…not so much.

    After accepting the presented reality from that point on it becomes a matter of debating how well a realty is defined…when or if a rule has been broken, etc. In a way it is a very high level mental exercise.

    The more complex the artificial realty…the more demanding becomes its deconstruction.

  • Toruk_Makto

    Lol…whenever I find myself baffled by someone else’s choices I remind myself that the universe must balance itself and things make sense again.

  • Toruk_Makto

    I must admit I’ve always found the Bond series to be rather dull. Every one…dull.

  • Toruk_Makto

    The movie has some stunning visuals…and some genuinely creepy moments. 10/10 horror for me.

  • Indeed. Fantasy is a key word there. In my discussion with Asi about 300 he brought up his interest/love for history when justifying his criticism of the film. I decided not to take it any further, but exactly what ones knowledge of history, or in this case the writings of Greek sheepherders from the 1st century BC has to do with a movie based on a graphic novel by Frank Miller I will never know. Context……..

  • Toruk_Makto

    In that situation if Frank did indeed remove his story from our known historical record and placed it in an alternative context than you definitely have to assess the work from that standpoint.

    If it breaks its own intrinsic rules from that point on than it can be charged with being a poorly constructed object.

    Say we have a fictional tale set in 1840 where a group of explorers run into a group of Zulu Warriors….in North Africa. Hmm….okay..

    but they then have the Zulu Warriors speak and behave in ways that are contrary to everything we know about Zulu Warriors at that time…with no explanation. That’s a problem.

    However…if the creator is sure to drop hints that these Zulu Warriors..may not in truth be Zulu Warriors…but may in fact be something else entirely…well, then it’s not a problem.

  • I get what you are trying to say. But what Frank did as far as changes to any “historical” writings from before christ ( which you can bet is 100% accurate ) matters zero to nothing when assessing Snyder’s film.For all I know Frank Miller could have based his comic on the 1962 movie The 300 Spartans .And who knows what they based that on.
    Point is Zack Snyder’s film is based on a graphic novel. Judging it based on historical accuracy is a fallacy to begin with. Its like those nutjobs who criticised Mel Gibson and Martin Scorsese for not being “historically accurate” with their christ films. Jesus fucking Christ on a pogo stick. Its an action movie!!

  • Dee-abolik

    you cruel man

  • Dee-abolik

    What’s the point again you are trying to make?

  • That people should get of their high horses at times, leave the holier than thou attitude and realise that their likes and dislikes are only just that. If you say say for example that Godfather Part 2 is a boring piece of shit, with a hack director, then so be it. But it doesn’t necessarily mean you know what your talking about. ( Im sure you don´t think that about the Godfather part 2, its just an example )

  • Dee-abolik

    I don’t think most of the contributors did that, but you can take it the way you want to see it.

  • Im talking in general now. Not anyone’s lists.

  • Dee-abolik

    Okay, fair enough.

  • Tarmac492.1

    sags had good ones. i thought american sniper was tepid not terrible.

  • Tarmac492.1

    Eyes be closed by Washed Out is good

  • Tarmac492.1

    iab agree with everyone. the new die hard was sacreligious.

  • Tarmac492.1

    fucking haneke. he should make a movie with ruffalo.

  • Tarmac492.1

    stalks nailed all of them. films when the reaper points his scythe at u you are like fuck. wish i went to church instead of watching that

  • Dee-abolik

    two birds with one stone

  • Tarmac492.1

    skip the movie and go to the pearl harbor memorial. that And the normandy cemetery are very sobering. and its not that easy to sober me. asi, i find Super 8 to be one of the more offensive flicks ive seen in a while. jj is not spielberg.

  • Tarmac492.1

    piscopo turned him down

  • Tarmac492.1

    agree loved Atonement

  • Dee-abolik

    Piscopo still working on that project with Malick?

  • Tarmac492.1

    Russel Mulcahy a great hack, like Sam The Butcher Mendes. And Joe Esterhack the writer. Dont forget The Typist Koepp.

  • Tarmac492.1

    yes. filming in Newark right now. Malick waiting for the sunrise over Ferry Street.

  • Kylo Ronin

    Hey, you were cruel enough to recommend BvS to Scott.

  • Dee-abolik

    heh

  • southafricanguy

    Count me in….Terminator retardation just irritated the crap out of me.

  • southafricanguy

    Same here…..I would love a well made universal monster film series……if done well it could be a lot of fun

  • southafricanguy

    Damn well said Asi

  • southafricanguy

    Good lord but Bay was trying his damndest to make his titanic with that piece of shit. He is like Cameron…..minus the intelligence, skill, passion and good taste.

  • southafricanguy

    I’m still trying to forget 10,000 BC

  • southafricanguy

    It so badly wants to be Aliens. But coming anywhere close to that films greatness is like trying to fly too close to the sun

  • southafricanguy

    It’s the Batman and Robin of science fiction

  • southafricanguy

    My exact reaction to Sunshine

  • Orcus

    T-Salvation was like watching a live action version of one of the Dark Horse Comics. For those who don’t know, Dark Horse has the license for the Terminator series. It wasn’t bad, in fact it introduced some interesting elements, namely John Connor realizing the timeline he is in might have been changed. That and we get to see the daytime version of the world. Was it perfect? Nope but it get’s points from Orcus for trying out something different. For the Orthodox fanboys, that’s a no-no. Hmmm, this is starting to sound like a religion, huh 🙂

    Terminator Genisys was simply Back to the Future II.

    In retrospect it seems that T1 was a product of a pure timeline and T2 on up where results of slight variants of the timeline kickstarted from the events of T1. So at the end of T1 we have part of the chip and metal arm that should not be in the prime timeline, which leads to the events of T2. In T2 we have the T-1000 melting into whatever molten slag it melted in, possibly creating a new alloy and whatever properties that might have which would lead into the new Terminator of T3 (Orcus speculates), and so on. With each iteration, it just generates a stronger opponents, which only results in a self fulfilling prophesy and the only thing that changes in all of this is the date for Judgement day. What was interesting was that DH comics came out with Terminator Salvation: The Final Battle by J. Michael Straczynski which ended the battle between the 2 sides in a Matrix 3 like fashion

    Orcus is of the mindset that it is not truly a bad movie if it leads to ongoing discussion, speculation and debate years after the fact since it would show that there were elements there thought worthy enough to continue the discussion.

  • Once seen it can’t be unseen, alas!

  • My entire motive behind my constant bashing of Abrams Trek back in the day. To bring balance to the force.

  • “Representing biblical events in the style of a surreal fantasy blockbuster is a bold move in itself.”

    Not bold, quite the opposite, it’s way too conventional, a clear attempt to please the most audiences possible, something Aronofsky neverd did before and it’s really not his forte either.

  • Your love for Jar Jar Abrams’s retardation of his movies sure is one thing you need to expurgate… or perhaps exorcise. Because that crap is really evil and will eat your soul to ashes.

  • The Watchers are from the bible but “explained” in the apocrypha. And i payed attention.

  • Not yet, not in a hurry. Watched THE WITCH instead. Very good.

  • Kylo Ronin

    Or maybe I don’t want or need to expurgate.

  • southafricanguy

    I still try my damndest to do so

  • You speak like you have been brainwashed. It’s like being in-love with your own abuser.

  • Kylo Ronin

    Eh, I would know abuse when I see it.

    I been through it and frankly, that’s kind of a dick move on your part to trivialize a serious issue.

  • Stalk?

    Thanks, Shaun! Dude, was that a Bottle of Yellow Tail Red Roo you downed during the MaSters Debate segment? That Shit used to knock me on my ass and tear a hole in my stomach! I had a good laugh coming home only to find both the Misses and her BFF hammered when sharing a Bottle. Good stuff!

  • Stalk?

    LMMFAO And that’s why I don’t have any kids.

  • Stalk?

    I do. Only for this cool song by Tantric.

  • Bop

    Imagine they want to see a Disney animated movie. Here are your Bud Spencer & Terence Hill movies, A-Team, Alf, Knight Rider and Jackie Chan movies. Now shut the fuck up and watch.

  • Stalk?

    LOL

  • It’s no laughing matter

  • Mr Nick Nightly

    I love The Cat In the Hat.