Sky & Ollie : A very (belated) Furry Christmas Sky & Ollie : A very (belated) Furry Christmas
A very belated Christmas satire from Ollie and Sky! Sky & Ollie : A very (belated) Furry Christmas

At long last what many of you haven’t been waiting for!!! The first and probably last Christmas special from those two dysfunctional feline fuckers! I now present the long delayed, long overdue S&O: Very Furry Christmas!!!

Sky: So Ollie dear brother, it’s that time again when everyone is merry, festive and kind toward one another… well at least until after New Year’s Day in which almost everyone can go back to being miserable sods.

Ollie: Hey, I’m the one who should be saying that, since I am a miserable ” sod” . *Buuuurp*

Sky: Well, I have learned from the best-you! With that being said, let’s discuss why ” tis the season” to be so jolly. Christmas is the celebration of Christ’s arrival on earth and where everyone throughout the world are giving toward one another whether it’s gifts, cheer and in some cases, communicable diseases that’s if you Blokes don’t wrap your “Candy Cane” before “stuffing the stocking”.

Ollie: Just what everyone needs to hear around the holidays, fucking Public Service Announcements from Sky! Clever, did you come up with that one all by yourself? Pfft!

Sky: Well, I have heard about how wild this Holiday parties can get you know.

Ollie: As an agnostic, I don’t see what’s the big idea about Christmas, Hanukkah or Ramadamadingdong .
Ain’t you curious of how this holiday originated from?

Sky: I wouldn’t be as so quick to mock the Muslim holiday Ramadan if I were you. That’s unless you’re looking to getting shot  or decapitated!

Ollie: Nigga please, I’m protected by the first amendment! This is America -land of freedom of spee…

*Islamic Nutbag fires his gun at only only to get curb stomped by security..oh, wait, that’s our audience!!!*

Sky: Ollie are you ok?!?

Ollie: I’m good Sky, it’ll take more than a few bullets from some idiot Islamic extremist to take me out for good!

Lucky for me I still have 8 lives left. Come to think of it, I would say its Seven, there was that time I had cirrhosis of the liver. Burrrp!

*Audience laughs and cheers*

Sky: I’m happy to hear you’re ok, Ols!
After all, you’re asinine comments make me come off like the classy gentleman I am.

Ollie: Thanks for nuttin! Anyhoo, as I was saying about the origins of Christmas this is what I have learned!

*Audience laughs a bit uncomfortably*

Sky:  What in the bloody hell, Oliver?!?  Boondocks, really? REALLY?!!?

Ollie: Yeah, it’s just some cartoon and no longer relevant especially after the last two seasons, but its brilliant satire, kinda like us!

Ollie: …and what’s the big deal with Christmas anyway aside from people needing an excuse to get hammered, spend and grope a few Women at the office parties? Well, that doesn’t sound too bad after all but still if there’s anybody benefiting from Xmas, it’s the entitled brats and fookin’ retailers like Amazon.com and Walmart.

Too much commercialism and profiteering! By the way, you can purchase the Sky n Ollie T-shirts, CDs, Comics and other licencing stuff from our webstore!

*Audience laughter*

Sky: Well Ols, it is the season for giving and receiving. Kind of like Charlie Sheen. Too soon?

Ollie: Whoa, Sky dawg that’s cold even from me!

Sky: Well that wanker slept with women knowing he has HIV…

Ollie: Just long as it’s not the gift that keeps on giving, I can consign with that.

psa

Sky: Precisely now, let’s digress a bit by naming our favorite Christmas songs. My first pick is “Do they know it’s Christmas” by Band Aid- a collective group of recording artists joined together in order to provide aid for those starving Ethiopians.

Not only is it a great Christmas song, but other recording artists have followed suit such as USA for Africa’s “We are the World”….Man did that song bloody suck, but at least their hearts were in the right place.

Ollie:  Ah, ya gotta love Mr. Nightly for being so forthright n shite, but no one disses me boyo Bono!😸
Now that their African bellies are full, they are now healthy enough to join Boko Raton and massacre innocent villagers! “Thanks, Bob”! (Geldolf)

*Audience boos and then laughs hysterically*

As my favorite Christmas song, I’m gonna go with James Brown’s “Santa Claus goes straight to the Ghetto”! It’s a badass song from the hardest wife beater in show business that resonates with that era of 70’s urban cool like Blaxploitation !

As a matter of fact, I would like to pitch this concept to that Studio HEAD guy!

black-santa-POSTER-small

Sky: Wot in the bloody…! Do yourself a favour and forget that silly pitch. Your movie studio career ended after Planet of the Cats failed miserably at the Box Office. As for JB, when he sings “Hit it”, was he referring to Women?
BUHUAHAHAHAHAH!

Ollie: Fuck you, “Mate”  James Brown was the black Elvis and POTC was “off the charts” as the Black kids would say, speaking of which, do the Brothas celebrate Kwanza still?

*Audience remains silent*

I didn’t think so.

Sky: It’s still a legitimate holiday and less commercialized than Christmas.
Besides, Blacks need to have something that reflect their culture I guess.

Ollie: Never mind that, I’m just laughing at the “Happy Holidays” greeting, murica has really turned into a punch of pussies! Whatever happened to “Merry Christmas” back in the day? Is it now politically incorrect to wish someone a Merry Christmas?

Here’s what happened some guy dressed as Santa wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas!

santaarrest1

Sky: More than likely, he was arrested for lewd behavior and misconduct. However the political correctness may have gone a bit too far. Next thing you know, Santa will be slimmed down because being fat is no longer considered “jolly”!

Ollie: Speaking of “Fat” the worse Christmas song goes to C-Lo Green’s Mary.

Now that’s some lame ass shit from another overstated singer. Plus, back in the day he used to kill cats, fuck that pussy!

Sky: Buahuhuhuh and he surely did too. Wasn’t “Cee-Lowlife” associated with allegations of rape?

Ollie: Well, to be fair, I don’t see any victims really coming forward unlike Mr. “Puddin my Pop in your pussy” Cosby. As for the comedian Hannibal Buress who put that hypocrite on blast, well….

ItaysWorld_Homeless_Signs_03

*Audience burst out with laughter and applause*

Sky: He was never funny to begin with and there goes his career. Ahem, so..Ollie, are there any Christmas wishes you would like to extend to our readers or what small audience we have?

Ollie: Well, for starters I would wish “piece on Earth” and by that definition, I’m talking about this Santa Babe! Yeah, that’s more than enough Milk supply for me!

Out of respect to my fellow collaborators at SN, we had to put a less sexually explict photo. They're running a respectable business here after all!!

Out of respect to my fellow collaborators at SN, we had to put a less sexually explict photo. They’re running a respectable business here after all!!

 

Sky: You idiot! I’m referring to our esteemed colleagues!!! Must you always think with your pecker, you wanker?

Ollie: Fuck them, I’m gonna get hammered, plastered and hump on some Ho, Ho, Hoes like Santa here..

Sky: Ugh! Merry Christmas, everyone.

*Audience laughs and gives a standing ovation*

Author Image

Stalkeye

. Satirist, Gamer, Artist and Pop Culture commentator- Stalks offers his outspoken views on on most things Geek related as well as WTF is wrong with the world today!

  • CoolHandJuke

    My favorite Christmas memory was being so hung over I couldn’t change the channel off the Olive the Other Reindeer marathon…

  • Dee

    Are you serious about “Do they know it’s Christmas?” I fucking hate that self-righteous piece of shit song.

  • I_am_better

    Hah, ha, ha. I’m sure Mr. Head would approve that concept.
    XD

  • Dee

    pardon my French, lol

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    Tonight, thank God, it’s them instead of YOU.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    It’s a cat’s world, and we just live in it…

  • Stalkeye

    I can never get tired of Nick’s reaction to that song. Oh, Man was that shit funny!

    That being said, its purpose was very noble and most of the proceeds went to the starving people of Africa. American celebrities didn’t react until the Brits stepped up to the plate first.

    Round one goes to England!

    http://sniktbub.wdfiles.com/local–files/file:1383775-graphitti-cb/1383775-graphitti_cb.jpg

  • Stalkeye

    And lets not forget “The clanging bells of doom”!
    They played this song on the speakers at my job.

  • Stalkeye

    No apologies needed. We’re all big boys here. (;’

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    Jason Statham for Captain Britain!…er, maybe.

  • Stalkeye

    Union Jack, maybe but not as Captain Britain.