WARNING: The Following contains footage that may shock, offend or suspend your disbelief.
Not Safe For Work!
Hey Fuckers, as many of you know me from the Golden Age of Talkbacker (yeah that place really lasted very long! *Hisses*), me name’s Ollie as in Ollie Destro McCullen (you can blame both my previous and current owners for that Silly Ass moniker).
So, with all that being said, I’m here to host this particular series of segments based on the somewhat recent current events as in the Top Whadefuck Moments!
So now, let the Madness begin!!
Rachael Racial: Lack in Black.
NAACP president was caught denying her racial heritage meaning, that she’s actually White!
Now let me get this straight, you’re the head of an NAACP chapter yet you “fool” many into thinking that you’re Black when you’re actually Caucasian? “Holy Soul Man, Batman”!! Next thing ya know is that my Brother Sky, would think he’s British…oh, wait..!!
Seriously, I couldn’t make up this Shit on my best Day! The lengths of what some People would do to land a more prosperous opportunity.
Just think of that classic Movie starring the late Godfrey Cambridge, and make a Reboot based on her situation and call it “The Watermelon Woman”!
Of course the subplot angle will involve pretentious themes of Self-denial and Trans-ethnicity sprinkled with hilarious scenarios such as her Black Boyfriend saying; “Shorty, that Ghetto Booty of yours have more shakes than Johnny Rockets”! With his hand palming her Ass; “it’s all good cause I gots five on it!!”
Written and Directed by Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman because we ALL know how racially sensitive they both are? For the record, I wouldn’t mind giving her some “Black” myself.
Escaped from New York: Prisoners go free all in the name of love.
Speaking of Dumb Bitches, our crack staff at SNN (Supa Naughty Network) has just now informed me of how the two dangerous felon escapees received their “Get out of Jail” Card! This was all thanks to the help of a Female Prison shop employee who had liaisons with one of the two escaped Murderers!
“NEW YORK (Reuters) – A female employee of an upstate New York prison was arrested on Friday on charges that she helped two inmates stage a daring escape from the maximum security facility, authorities said Joyce Mitchell, an industrial training supervisor at the Clinton Correctional Facility in Dannemora, is suspected of having smuggled contraband into the prison, where convicts Richard Matt and David Sweat escaped last weekend, authorities said.”
“What some Bitches would do for Dick, Ollie said.”
The question is, how could she in “Good conscience” allow those vile bastards to escape knowing that they are both convicted Killers? How? Why?!!?
Ok, that explains that. Ahh, my Fookin eyes!!!
Fat, lonely and Homely Women would obviously fall for that “Banana in the tailpipe.” But in her case, she had two Bananas in her tailpipe. Literally!
There goes her Career and of course her Freedom if convicted and sentenced. She can kiss it all goodbye and that won’t be the only thing she’ll be kissing.
Cats can drive their owners Crazy…..literally!!
We all know that Cats put their beloved owners on the edge (kind of like Kids). I’m sure you’ve seen all those cute videos with us misbehaving and all but this is some real sobering news here Kids!
It has been often known that having a Cat as a Pet could put you at risk for Schizophrenia? And now there’s concrete evidence of this. From Cat Shit-to-Batshit I guess.
I guess I better start saving for a new Apartment before my Boss gives me up for adoption and I’m not going through being in some Fucking Cat Kennel!
And in other WTF News around the World…
Preconceived thoughts on how Americans are distinguished.
We at SNN take pride among ourselves when it comes to getting one’s honest opinions even if it pisses off a few. Soooo, we interviewed several individuals from various Countries and Cultures on how are Americans perceived.
I guess they left out the Gun toting Bible thumping, reality TV Junkie stereotype. Maybe next time.
Warmart: The Walmart Fight clip Pick of the Month.
We all know that Walmart is the go to store when it comes to picking up your basic essentials.
Milk, aisle 8, Diapers, check out the endcap on aisle 4 but make sure you pick up some Boxing equipment along the way- because you never know when you’re gonna run into your garden variety irate costumer.
Walmart truly brings out the worst in Americana, Ghettofied Baby Mamas, Loonies and of course, White Trailer Trash (you know, the ones that are Pro Life and Anti- Government yet they expect the Taxpayers to flip the bill when it comes to supporting their Six or more inbred Children?). And this is why I prefer to shop online.
With that being said, our Amazing staff of reporters from SNN have recorded yet another Brawl in the store that’s known for “Always Low Prices”. Check in, get clocked out!
This footage was shot in an Indiana Walmart. And The “Cairo Detective” is nowhere to be found but instead, we have “Batkid”?!!?
Okay, that does it for this One shot special. I hope you all learned something “Exciting and new” and remember, if you’re having a Bad Day, well things could be a lot worse. “Keep Yo Head Up” as Tupac used to say… *ahem* Anyways, this is a Mad, mad, mad, World and I’m outta here!