Satire! Doesn’t necessarily reflect the stance of all members of this site.
Days of Future Present
And there came a day, while I was relaxing in the Beach with a six-pack o’ Guinness stout, a sudden tide appeared and had swept me under. Actually, I was drawn into some Vortex and although I can’t swim for Shit’s sake, (cause I’m a Cat!) it wouldn’t have made much of a difference.
Suddenly after holding my breath as long as possible, the ocean had spit me right back into the beachfront .
As I had recovered I noticed something strange- a huge shadow loomed over me while blocking the rays of the Sun. It was a giant Statue that was unlike any other. The Head was the biggest part of the entire statue and what was more interesting, atop of the skull was some creepy ass combover.
” Could it be?” I said to myself.
As much as I was in denial, it was true as the writing was on the wall; “Donald J. Trump- “President of the New World Order “??!!?? It was obvious that the current had taken me to some kind of Alternate Future!!
Those idiots manage to elect Trump as the POTNWO! Jesus-fucking-Christ-ceiling cat almighty!!
“Goddamn, Maniacs” “You Fucked up”! “Damn youse all to Helllll”!’
“This has got to be some kind of a Fucked-up Nightmare”! I thought to myself after glancing at the Presidential Statue one more time. And what made matters more disturbing is what was written underneath Trump’s “Title”-“Give me your Poor, Tired and useless, especially from the South of the Border, and I’ll set those Motherfuckers straight’!
And boy did he, after winning the election, Trump using his business savvy not only develop a Ponzi scheme that would cause all first world nations to fall into the brink of financial ruin, but as a means of being bailed out by the United States, the remaining global superpowers had to surrender their respective countries to the “Prez” as a means of restitution (Permanent collateral )
Also, it didn’t hurt that as soon as he got into office, he gave an executive order to carpet bomb the Middle East back to the Stone Ages!
As I managed to escape to New York, I suddenly noticed that there were nothing but young individuals, walking around in business suits and wearing Sneakers as footwear .
That Mophead fucker actually brought back the Yuppie Movement!’ If there was anything bad about the 80’s aside from big haired Jersey Chicks and Glam Rock (With power Ballard of course!) is Goddamn yuppies!!
What’s not so surprising was that the majority of yuppies consisted of lily White Men. What ever happened to this thing called “diversity “? Oh, it’s “Dumnold” we’re talking about
I walked up to the nearest Newsstand to pick up a local paper just to keep up with current events. Well, suffice to say, the Newspaper went out with bell bottoms but unfortunately, yuppies have made a comeback!
From a nearby alley, I heard loud belligerent nonsensical ranting and for a second I thought it was one of the populace’s elite residents only to find out, that there was some homeless emaciated and geriatric looking man covered with tattoos all over his face, arms and god knows where else, sobbing uncontrollably while leaning against the wall smoking marijuana which is now “legal” but probably not in this “Brave New World”. He’s babbling about how he failed as a Movie Producer and that nobody loves him except for his Dog, his close companion, I suppose.
Then from out of nowhere, there’s this tall well-dressed man who warns the belligerent man, not to disturb the city’s inhabitants.
The Ugly tattooed fool retorted with “Fuck you, bitch”!
Losing patience, the tall man stabbed him multiple times then proceeded to approach the dog, I immediately leapt toward him before he can harm the pooch (Yeah, I hate most Dogs, but we so called “Animals” gotta stick together!) I dug a claw into his prettyboy face only to get bitchslapped further back into the alley. Before falling into a state of unconsciousness all I heard was a yelp followed by three more stomps. It was too late to save the dog, but at least his owner was finally silenced. That whiny lil’ bitch blew my cover.
It seems that I was spared by the brutal murderer who probably couldn’t find me since it was pitch black in the alley.
Near the bodies of the unfortunate pair, was a glowing light that had me curious enough to inspect and lo and behold, it was a Tablet that the killer yuppie must’ve dropped when he went to town on those two.
This device was manufactured by Trump Electronics, Inc. it seems that Trump Inc now owns both Apple and Samsung thus wiping out any competition between the two rivals and most importantly, monopolizing as a means for selling his devices at any price he so damn wishes.
While looking through the “Newspaper’s” archives, I discovered to my shock and awe that:
1. Mexico is now named “Texico”
2. Each state has a giant gate wall that’s is 80 stories high around the entire perimeter.
3. All Religion save for “Christianity” became outlawed.
4. Blacks and other Minorities are confined to shanty towns.
(No surprise there!)
5. The international armies became some Global Police Force privatized by Blackwater and Halliburton while Dr. Benjamin Carson, the biggest asshole Carson, next to Johnny Carson, is now the “Surgeon General”???
I asked a passerby about “what ever happened to the Mexicans’?
He said, “President Trump did away with them. Thank god”.
I then asked about the current state of Blac…er, “African Americans”?
He then spoke with an ear-to-ear Smile: “Oh, they are at the labor camps working for a mere $5.00 every two hours. Those People rarely vote anyway, unless of course, it’s one of their own”.
“The Women are confined to Servitude Camps where the not so attractive Females are Cooks and Cleaners while the drop-dead Bitches are “Companions for Rent” that only those who are wealthy and affluent can “grab them by the Pussy”. This Sexist, Racist and Xenophobic Motherfucker is also a state sponsored Pimp??
Trump’s reign has got to stop, and it’s up to me to do something about it…but can one Cat make a difference?
To be continued…