Welcome to my review of 2016. Before I continue I have to do 3 special mentions for 3 movies released in 2015 that I didn’t see in 2015, but thoroughly enjoyed and should have been on the list last year. They are:
I am not a fan of Adam Sandler. He is right up there with the Cages and various pussy lotion boys in regards to annoying actors, but his Pixels was a loveletter to 80s gaming. I loved the special effects and the utter ridiculousness of the movie and even Sandler was not annoying. Yes, you read it right, Sandler was not annoying in Pixels.
Ant-Man was an entertaining movie. I never managed to see it in 2015 but saw it in 2016 and it became one of my favorite superhero movies, because it was not tiresome for a change. Rudd was funny, the special effects were fantastic and creative and there was not much of that too much sugar for your teeth shit that Disney is known for.
Dumb Criminals The Movie
Wanna see a movie that is really out there? Watch Dumb Criminals The Movie. This Australian comedy had me laughing various times due to the absurd situations and the absurd characters. In a nuthshell, in this movie various crime acts, that really happened in real life, are depicted in a fun way and interwoven through a simple story. Hilarity ensues and pay attention to the junkie dude. His facial expressions and behavior are fucking funny. Definitely one of the most absurd movies I ever saw. They might have even copied the movie Spun a little bit, but they definitely did a better job. A different kind of comedy for sure.
Now back to 2016. In my opinion 2016 has been a very shit year. Probably one of the worst years ever regarding movies and tv shows. I shudder to think that 2017 could be even worse but when I look at it it might be. There are only 2 movies I am looking forward to in 2017 and those are Fast And The Furious 8 and John Wick 2. As for the rest of the movies… They don’t capture my attention at all.
Utter shit Movies
What the fuck was this shit? It seems Refn can’t do anything anymore after his tremendous Pusher trilogy and yet I always give him a chance. This movie wasn’t even pretentious. It was just boring, boring and boring. The end was totally weird and not even shocking. I guess people have to hire Mr Nick Nightly for some consulting on how to shock people. I don’t know what the goal of this movie was. Was it to have a look at how the model business works? I don’t need a movie about that. Everybody already knows how the model business works. It’s Vapid Vags United.
I like Statham. I really do. To me he is the successor to Stallone. However, he does make stinkers sometimes. Now, it is not his fault, but the writers and other idiots who greenlight a movie like Mechanic Resurrection should be put to sleep. The biggest crime of the movie is that Michelle Yeoh is in it and they do absolutely fucking nothing with her! FUCK THAT SHIT! You only have the greatest female action movie star ever in a movie with Statham and you absolutely do nothing with her? The script writer and the director should get bamboo under their fucking fingernails and multiple faceslaps left right left right for disrespecting the queen of action movies like that.
The Devils Rejects is my favorite Rob Zombie film. I was kinda hoping of a repeat of that with this movie, but it was not meant to be. The way I see it, it is the millionth rip-off of The Running Man or the story of some annoying rich people that have people hunted by some psychos while waging bets. Yes, the visuals are nice and typically Rob Zombie, but they don’t save this movie. Lame ass bad guys, lame ass rich fucks and meh-violence. And…. another example of Hollywood running out of ideas.
How can you fuck up this movie so much? It started out really well about some brats trying to rob a blind Gulf War vet and getting what they deserve, but then there is one moment that killed the movie for me. Something gets revealed about the good guy (the Gulf War vet) that totally killed the movie for me. It was as if some fucking Hollywood producer wanted to get off on that shit and decided to have it in the movie.
And can anyone please tell me why the guy being robbed is the bad guy in the movie? That is Hollywood trying to teach you the difference between good and evil. Well, fuck you Hollywood. You ain’t teaching me shit except for the fact that you are releasing shitfest after shitfest.
Why the fuck did I ever watch this? That’s 1,5 hours of my life I will never get back. Kevin Hart is just not funny and The Rock should really start to tell his agent to get him some role he can make iconic. No, Hobbs from Fast And The Furious is not iconic. But still, I would love to see a movie with The Rock and Chris Tucker. Heck, a movie with The Rock and Mr T would also be tremendous.
Need I fucking say more? What an abomination of a movie this was. Vapid, soulless, crappy, insulting, boring. I could go on and on about this shit movie, but already enough has been said about it.
Check my review. I don’t want to spend any more words on this piece of shit.
The Nice Guys
When I saw the trailer I thought I was gonna see the best movie of 2016. Reality was different. I could never get into it and I couldn’t feel it at all.
Disappointing movie with the only bright light being Van Damme as a supporting character. I think Van Damme is good as a supporting character and he needs to be in a comedy movie, because he can definitely do comedy. And Batista as Tong Po was a mismatch.
Finally Deadpool arrived on the big screen. Ryan Reynolds did good and the movie had some good moments. Don’t know if the sequel will be as good, but at least I know Reynolds does a good Deadpool.
Captain America: Civil War
The movie was way too long for my taste, but managed to capture my attention. I love how they handled Black Panther, but loathed how they took care of a badass looking Crossbones. The airport scene was excellent and Ant-Man totally stole the show. What this movie was lacking was a convincing bad guy. That was my problem with the movie. And also the fact that there was never a battle with the other super soldiers.
I saw a summary of this movie and it talked about a car chase on the German Autobahn. As a guy who likes to put the pedal to the metal on the German Autobahn myself this was a must-see for me. I didn’t know who Nicholas Hoult and Felicity Jones were, but they did ok. This was a cute love story combined with an excellent 20+ minutes chase and the movie never got boring. VP of the movie was Ben Kingsley who played a Turkish criminal. As someone who knows Turkish culture pretty well, Kingsley was spot-on. Just hilarious. And I don’t know the budget of this movie. I expect a very low budget, but I guess you can hire Eran Creevy if you need a movie directed cheaply. I am definitely gonna check out more Creevy movies after this.
Hands Of Stone
Boxing in the 80s was awesome. Marvin Hagler, Thomas Hearns, Sugar Ray Leonard, Roberto Duran. To me they were the fabulous four in boxing. This movie almost flew past me. I didn’t know they made a movie of Roberto Duran, but the title gave it away when I was browsing through a list of films. This was a very enjoyable movie and even Robert De Niro was looking like he was having fun.
By far the best movie of the year. The batshit insanity of this movie will probably never be toppled. Here is my review.
Supernatural totally crapped on itself. Its 11th season began really cool with the introduction of the totally evil Darkness and various episodes were a return to the quality Supernatural once had. Then comes the final showdown with the Darkness and they totally fuck it up. Very anti-climatic for a tv show that deserves better. I don’t know what is going on with the writers of Supernatural but they had various shitty years for a show that is not hard to make excellent again.
It is very hard to say it but Banshee got fucked over. What was originally a 5 season show became a 4 season show because the writer said he was struggling every year to build to season 5. Well, season 4 was totally disrespected. In what was supposed to be a blaze of glory a total anti-climax arrived episode after episode. Eliza Dushku was supposed to give the show some spark, but she was totally not fitting in the show and she showed that she was a lousy actress compared to the others in Banshee. Banshee had the chance to become my favorite show ever had they finished season 4 the way it should have been finished. But still I recommend this TV show to anyone. The first three seasons are magic.
As for the writer of Banshee. You suck, pal. You dropped the ball.
Braquo season 4
A few days ago I noticed that Braquo was cancelled after season 4 which is a shame, but the season final could have been the end of the show already. This gem of French TV cop show has 8 episodes a season and is a cross between The Shield and The Wire. Grim, gritty and entertaining is how I describe this. This season was good and introduced the badass Wassin who was a great addition to the show. It is shame there will be no more stories about the SDPJ Hauts-de-Seine.
WWE Raw was utter shit this year. The only redeeming thing of Raw are Rusev and Lana and yet they are totally misused.You want to get your intelligence insulted? Watch an episode of WWE Raw.
Do I need to say more about Lucha Underground? Yes, I do. They are in their third season and they are raising the bar even more. It is uncanny how many great matches they deliver and how many stars they are creating. I hope they survive in the coming years, because Lucha Underground is the best wrestling show on TV period.
AJ Styles debuted in the Royal Rumble what was essentially a holy shit, holy shit moment. For years AJ Styles was delivering great match after great match and never got called up to WWE. Then he was suddenly there. In the beginning the WWE didn’t use him well, but AJ Styles was so good that he couldn’t be denied. He totally saved the WWE this year by delivering great match after great match and getting the belt and continuing to deliver great matches and hilarious promos. A very unique once-in-a-lifetime wrestler and I am so happy for him that he finally is getting the respect he deserves.
The signing of Shinsuke Nakamura.
As if AJ Styles joining WWE wasn’t shocking enough along comes Shinsuke Nakamura. I never expected the biggest Japanese star ever to come to the WWE. To illustrate the kind of signing imagine this scenario. You have the Los Angeles Lakers as WWE in which Magic Johnson and Kareem Abdul Jabbar are the big stars. On the other hand you have the Chicago Bulls as New Japan Pro Wrestling. Shinsuke Nakamura is Michael Jordan and Michael Jordan is joining the Los Angeles Lakers. That’s how big this is. Shinsuke Nakamura is kind of like the Japanese Rock and if the WWE lets him be Shinsuke Nakamura in the WWE the WWE will have a new big larger than life superstar, because Nakamura is just that damn good. And not only that, Nakamura made his debut in WWE NXT against Sami Zayn and they delivered the WWE match of the year. That match was magic and immediately put Shinsuke Nakamura on the NXT map.
The return of Bill Goldberg
The people who witnessed the great WCW of the late 90s are know who Bill Goldberg is. He might be the most intense wrestler ever. When he joined the WWE for the first time he was misused and humiliated and was not allowed to be the Bill Goldberg of WCW. Then he suddenly appeared in WWE this year and was scheduled to face Brock Lesnar at Survivor Series. At Survivor Series he was allowed to be the WCW Goldberg and he demolished Brock Lesnar. I got fucking goosebumps seeing Goldberg be the WCW Goldberg. This was by far my most favorite moment in the WWE this year.
Broken Matt Hardy
Yes, I was one of those who didn’t care what Matt Hardy was doing. Then I heard all the raving about his Broken Hardy character in TNA and I started following TNA again. Matt Hardy reinvented himself as Broken Matt Hardy and showed what he can do when he has creative freedom. The vignettes were innovative, creative and inspiring. It is obvious the guy likes movies and comics and he integrated that into pro wrestling with a unique vision. If I were to give an award for the most creative wrestling character in 2016 Broken Matt Hardy wins hands down. Delete, delete, delete!!!
The utter shitfest
Euro 2016 was shit, shit and shit. I didn’t plan on watching it but still caught a few matches here and there and was utterly disgusted about what football had become: one big bowl of commercial shit that I wish I could feed the UEFA (and the FIFA too) bowl after bowl minute after minute day after day. They killed football. Football will never be the same again and for that I hate those motherfuckers. And while I am at it. Fuck Messi and Ronaldo. Those bitches suck. Yes, they make more money than I ever will, but that doesn’t change they fact they are still bitches. And there is no way in hell they are better than Maradona.
The best: Leicester City, what dreams are made of.
As you just read I hate football and football more and more every year. It is full of wimps, whiners and wussies. They make millions of euros/dollars, have less than mediocre skills, cry and whine like bitches and don’t give the audience their money’s worth. However, there was one team of REAL men this year and it was quite the fairy tale. Leicester City captured the imagination of fans around the world by winning the English Premiership while being on the verge of relegation the season before. Leicester City reminded me of how great football used to be. This group of gentlemen showed me and the world what you can do with determination, heart and passion. They made history and turned themselves into legends and gave me the last blaze of glory in great football.
2016 was a major piece of shit year regarding the loss of entertainers, but also due to the fact there was a lot of negative energy in my environment. I shit on 2016 and hope to never witness a year like 2016 again. We definitely lost some of the best entertainers ever.
Muhammad Ali, the greatest
Need I say more? Here is an article in case I do need to say more.
One of the most popular actors in Europe and a big legend. Even as I am updating this article Big Bomber is playing on the background.
Check out these 2 articles on the man.
I always enjoyed movies from Gene Wilder and especially when he teamed up with Richard Pryor. Gene Wilder showed you don’t need smut and poop and fart jokes to create humor. Young Frankenstein is probably my favorite, but See No Evil Hear No Evil, Stir Crazy, Blazing Saddles and Silver Streak are no slouches either.
I already finished my article before the death of Carrie, but I had to add this one in. I am not a fan of Star Wars, but there is no denying the impact that Princess Leia had on women all over the world.
Michu Meszaros, the man inside the ALF suit.
Bloody hell, does this stupid year ever stop? One day ago I added Carrie Fisher and now I have to add Michu Meszaros too. Fuck 2016, really, fuck 2016. I used to watch ALF a lot when it was running. Years later, I decided to watch it again and with a lot more experience under my belt as well as my improvement of English I noticed that the show was more clever than I remember. ALF is the alien with the Al Bundy wisdom for sure and always put a smile on my face. ALF was cute in his own way and I am glad it is not a Disney creation and it shows. R.I.P. ALF.
The wrestlers Mr Fuji, Balls Mahoney, Iron Mike Sharp and Hayabusa (Eiji Ezaki).
Chances are that if you like football you know who Johan Cruijff is. He is the most influential man in football. His football philosophy spanned from the 70s until he got fired by Barcelona in 1995. Without Johan Cruijff there would be no total football, no Ajax successes and no Barcelona successes. The Barcelona of today should be thankful he was there because he laid the foundation for what Barcelona is today. Without Cruijff Barcelona would be your regular team of chumps. And not only that, Cruyff was a fabulous player. Maradona, Cruijff and Pele were the best players ever. Fuck Messi and Ronaldo. They couldn’t even lace the shoes of those 3.
And take a look at this. In 1983 Ajax told Cruijff he was too old to play for Ajax. So what did he do? He went to rivals Feyenoord, which was not done at all, and made them the champ and made them win the Dutch cup. And after that season he retired. You can’t make a better statement than that about how good you are.
Very special mention
2 people also need a very special mention. One of them is Götz Georg who became famous and a cult figure as well playing Schimanski in the German crime show Tatort. That show was popular in Holland, Belgium, Germany, Austria and probably Switzerland as well. The other person is Peter Lustig, who had a German educational tv show called Pusteblume, that went on to become Löwenzahn. I loved watching that show as a kid, but adults loved watching it as well. And every kid worth his salt in Germany, Austria, Belgium and Holland knows Peter Lustig.