Total Divas Recap Season 4 Episode 11 Total Divas Recap Season 4 Episode 11
The probably most well-written recap of "Total Divas" out there. Total Divas Recap Season 4 Episode 11

Today’s episode—Season 4 Episode 11—of Total Divas has the glitzy title “An Unwanted Proposal”; but like a pink, rhinestone tiara on Hillary Clinton it seems inappropriate, akin to wrapping a Gothic novel in pink cellophane. Why all this pink? Shut up.

Since last we joined our heroes they were eating in a series of Cheesecake Factories, slurping white wine like Samantha and Carrie on Sex and the City and gabbing about: Brett Hart’s daughter’s husband being an out of work slug who got injured, Brett Hart’s daughter’s husband’s mother-in-law being an unwelcome guest, Trinity’s terrifying boyfriend, Trinity’s seamstress needing to knock up something a bit sexier, Nikki and Brie Bella doing whatever it is they do all the time (who the hell knows . . . whatever the case may be . . . etc.)—I honestly can’t remember what the Bella twins were up to, but I’m not sure if that’s because they are so attractive or if those brain cells were already reserved for a hangover—like a parking spot for a professor whose life is collapsing in a self-destructive spiral wherein he trades off grading papers for working on his poetry and is eventually fired, full stop.

In season 4 the complete divas have new members: an ugly British girl named Paige, and this hellcat named Summer Rae (not appearing in the episode). Paige looks like she’s . . . she’s just not very womanly if you ask me. But I think this may be generational. It reminds me of back when Avril Lavigne started putting out music videos and music. I was in high school and all my friends’ dads were obsessed with Avril Lavigne for some reason like she was the hottest girl ever and I just didn’t see it. Britney Spears I sort of got, but not Avril Lavigne. So anyway men of a certain age also seem drawn to Paige, whatever that means, I have no idea. I’m probably wrong. She’s a hag, to me. She looks like one of Jack the Ripper’s victims, a Whitechapel bangtail. Then there is Summer Rae who is more my speed. She has a feisty, ambitious, catty personality, and a supernova sex appeal.

Oh yeah.  So the whole “are they married or not” thing. This is controversial but clearly this is all staged, and if you think that any of these women are married to either of those guys then you are living in a fishbowl my friend and I am sorry to break up with you like that (said reality). I’d bet my Pulitzer on it. It’s kind of interesting though because when you realize what you are seeing is complete fiction but still shot with the vérité style and deploying the techniques of “reality” television it makes you realize the show is pretty unique.  Really it’s more like a Paul Greengrass movie then a reality television show from a subjective cahiers du cinéma type point of view.

Anyway here comes Paige with her Princess Bride rack operator face. She’s applying makeup. I’m just kidding she’s completely hot. No wait. Is this a “real review” or is it all just in good fun, like wrestling itself? Is it too mean to say that Daniel Bryant looks like the heavyweight champion imagined by a nine-year old on a car ride whose parents are screaming about divorce for the entire nine hour trip? Or that the Bella Twins are so hot they make the other female wrestlers look like they went dumpster diving and got lost/kidnapped by the circus/WWE? I don’t know. The fan base is rabid so I’m probably stepping over the line. But by drawing this parallel between artifice and criticism in my review I’m trying to draw an analogy to the WWE so you can consider why it shouldn’t offend fans to suggest that by forcing these people to marry each other you have given the sport a whiff of honest-to-god slavery. Is that something a WWE fan is going to get behind no matter what? Is this product really that essential? To a LOT of people it is, full stop. The WWE inspires devotion among a dizzying cross section of people; the audience is global and transcends political boundaries AND, crucially, ideologies.

For instance, I don’t understand how Western Europeans respond so strongly to WWE wrestling, but at the same time exhibit some of the most cynical, socialist and critical opinions you can even conceive of hearing. Do I really have to unpack that for you? What is it about this entertainment monopoly in particular that inspires such devotion?

So this fake marriage (get over it) is running into some turbulence because the Bryants aren’t sure if their children will be financially secure, now that Daniel is out of work and they are talking about what steps they should take to ensure the survival of their by contract progeny. It’s weird. You would think they would both be loaded. But maybe they’re like Korean pop stars who basically get exploited body and mind until they run them into the ground. Only recently have there been some pop super groups who have started getting paid over in Asia, and they deserve it. But I’m not sure it wouldn’t be different for WWE stars who are beloved by hundreds of millions of people. I don’t think Bryant or Brie will ever have trouble drawing paychecks for the rest of their lives. Will they?

Hey Brett Hart’s hot daughter is here, sporting some pink hair. Nice. She also has kind of a frumpy coat on and that’s annoying. She’s my pick for jacuzzi partner.

John and Trinity are hanging out in a granite quarry; I mean kitchen. There are no books on the shelf in their living room. But John has on the freshest white T-shirt I have seen in a minute. I know wrestlers aren’t stupid by the way; I know that many of them are damn smart. All I’m saying is there are a lot of empty shelves next to the TV and it looks odd to me.

I have no idea what’s going on.

OK they’re in Fort Wayne, Indiana. I have never been allowed to drive up there. I mean I literally am not allowed up there. That’s up there where the Chicago tentacles reach, I guess. Horrific. Don’t get me started. Everyone in Chicago is miserable and we all know it. Please. I have friends who have worked in the hospital system up there and after a little while in Chicago they look like a demon pulled their soul out through their assholes like in Bubba Ho-Tep. Anyway that’s how I feel about Chicago.

Alright Paige’s patent attorney boyfriend is about to propose. Paige hides in the bathroom and dials a friend then heads back out. She tells him “I don’t feel very well. Let’s just go.” Ouch bro. Shake it off. There’s plenty of fish in the sea . . .

Bryant I guess really has injured himself and they are CLEARLY writing this to set up Brie breaking up with him. I want to say it’s a classic literary device (ahem) how Brie is putting space between them by suddenly bringing up the question of the security of Bryant’s future children vis a vis his earning power but . . . Yeah in a year or two I don’t see Brie and Bryant still together. Unless his injury is fake. I’m ninety percent sure it’s legit though because it doesn’t write well. Jesus now they’re talking about how much money Bryant has saved. This is making my skin crawl. Brie actually just looks bored and that makes sense because I think she didn’t want to renew her contract with the WWE (supposedly) but Nikki talked her back into it. Anyway she is starting to have this . . . lack of enthusiasm about her . . . *nervous laughter*

Trinity and John have great energy on the other hand after witnessing the clammy state of the heavyweight’s domestic situation. Oh wow John is actually about to do some stand-up comedy. I guess he wants to stretch his acting muscles a bit. Well why not? If you even have a scintilla of presence about you outside the ring then you can become fabulously wealthy (*cough* the Rock *cough*). Alright John takes the mic and starts dropping f-bombs.

Tattoo shop. Paige and her suitor. Whatever. OK he’s proposing. She ACCEPTS!!!!!!!!!!! Whoa…ok good. Proposals at the tattoo shop. That’s cool . . . I guess . . . is that a cemetery over there? I should walk over and feel the breeze.

Alright that’s it for this episode and recap.

My only concluding thought is what happened to Eve Marie? See? I knew that she was too hot for this group, dude. I knew it. In my first recap I was like o.O who is this? This isn’t going to end well . . . whatever she’s MIA. Maybe I’m wrong.

Seeya next time


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Agent Smith

Agent Smith is moving to Singapore after he gets his cheap gold watch.

  • CoolHandJuke

    i miss Trish Stratus so fucking hard. is it weird to write wrestling fan fiction where Trish and Lita have to fight in a bra and panty match and it ends with them lezzing out in the ring, afterwards it turns to darkness and then Kane’s pyrotechnics hit and he fucks them both with his burnt up cock? (this was written before his unmasking)…

  • Camp Conundrum

    Yeah but what happened to Eve Marie?

  • Tarmac492.1

    Just saw the CD paperback on Amazon. I will purchase. This may cut into my hooker money. I dont want to have to go to one of them offering $60 specials. Yikes, those trolls look like my grandmother. You should always go for the top of the line when it comes to doctors, mechanics, bartenders and hookers. I liked the first one, so if I have to beat off an extra day then so be it. I will let you know what I think when I am done if you want peach.

  • Never seen this. I had a few Reality TV shows I watched for entertainment and a little is good for mental hygiene, but the recent ones did not really grab me.

  • Camp Conundrum

    Woohoo. Don’t worry I don’t make a dime until I pass the $100 in sales mark. And I have only sold two copies. It’s early days. Then again maybe you want me to be in a jacuzzi with champagne and some WWE trainee girls. I don’t know. You need to stay away from the ladies of ill repute though and head somewhere there is some good romance to be had. I hear the Yukon is quite nice.

  • Camp Conundrum

    “The probably most well-written recap of “Total Divas” out there.”

  • Tarmac492.1

    My dream is Tierra del Fuego. Romance at the end of the world!!!! Will pick it up this week sometime. Love the cover. Simple, yet elegant.

  • Camp Conundrum

    So what happened to Eve Marie though?

  • Camp Conundrum
  • Tarmac492.1

    When is the next season of Real Housewives of Patagonia?

  • I made that up. Not okay with you?

  • Divas? Wh-what?

  • Divas an ladies are not the same.

  • Camp Conundrum

    No I appreciate it.

  • Betty Wilson

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  • Phantomcreeps
  • Tarmac492.1

    Whitechapel bangtail. Nice.

  • Phantomcreeps
  • Tarmac492.1

    Yup.Commented on his King article.

  • Tarmac492.1

    Good Chicago.

  • Camp Conundrum

    From Hell ref

  • ponyboy_360

    With all the QUALITY TV available now.
    This is what you spend time watching?
    & then writing about it?
    What a waste of time & energy.
    It’s funny.
    I said I was leaving the hotbox for good & was going to post here.
    That same day you announce, that you, Peach, are going to churn out a bunch of shit articles.
    You’re fucking soooooo predictable.
    & if you’re posting shit constantly.
    I will call you the fuck out, every time.
    Did you finally realize that franks dojo has nothing to do with film or TV.
    Nobody cares.
    All of a sudden YOU do.

  • Camp Conundrum

    I am not really a fan of either Divas or Thrones, but it’s something that many of my friends love and have constantly encouraged me to think more deeply about . . . It seems important to them so I try to keep an open mind. My last series of recaps entertained people from all over the world – so they claimed. They asked me to write some more so I wrote this piece and will continue to write more – for them. I enjoy writing to entertain people. I’m not sure why that’s a bad thing PB.

  • Camp Conundrum

    Also you may be interested to know that I wrote a 5000 word piece today about Predators but reigned in my analysis quite a bit because…well…as Lawrence Summers once said: “there’s a political reality and a philosophical reality to life and someone in a public role should take care that these two modes not intersect without great caution being taken.” Have a better one.

  • Sagamanus

    Should I upvote this?

  • ponyboy_360

    We’re getting ready for.
    The “Ray Donovan” finale.
    The new “Project Greenlight”.
    & the new “John Oliver”.
    I’m so happy that people ALL over the GLOBE.
    Have told you to write about this tripe.
    Have fun sitting in front of the computer tonight.
    & I’ll always have a better one.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    How many copies of the “Cairo Detective” series have you sold?

  • Dianne Bostic

    A Way To Get Paid $97/hour And More…….After earning an average of 19952 Dollars monthly,I’m finally getting 97 Dollars an hour,just working 4-5 hours daily online.….. Weekly paycheck… Bonus opportunities…earn upto $16k to $19k /a month……….Only a few hour required to understand and start working…….look over here
    ➤➤➤ http://GoogleTopCareersGetStandardFinancialJobs/get/morethan$97/h…

  • damn, I wanna read that

  • franks_television

    I don’t watch the show, but hopefully there will be more recaps.