KINGSMAN: THE SECRET SERVICE!!! PREVIEW-REVIEW!!!FACT!!! KINGSMAN: THE SECRET SERVICE!!! PREVIEW-REVIEW!!!FACT!!!
I saw Kingsman at an advanced screening in Toronto earlier this month, THAT I PAID TO GET INTO UNLIKE SOME BOUGHT-AND-SOLD-WHORES ON OTHER WEBSITES... KINGSMAN: THE SECRET SERVICE!!! PREVIEW-REVIEW!!!FACT!!!

I saw Kingsman at an advanced screening in Toronto earlier this month, THAT I PAID TO GET INTO UNLIKE SOME BOUGHT-AND-SOLD-WHORES ON OTHER WEBSITES THAT SHALL NOT BE NAMED, and since this is my first preview-review I shall be relatively spoiler free lest I ruin the experience for the rest of you while I’d usually tell you to eat me and shove spoilers down your throats like the filthy whores you are because you know you love it!

 

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James Bond celebrated his cinematic 50th anniversary in 2012 with Skyfall while Ian Fleming’s creation set the standards for both literature and cinemas representation of the spy-espionage genre ever since. Sure, John le Carré became famous for writing a more realistic depiction of what actual government intelligence work is really like, but that shit is boring, like fucking your wife in the missionary position for 50 years when you could have occasionally drilled her ass, reverse cowgirl, 69 etc…..

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As I’ve said many times, Bond is a Playboy Magazine fantasy come to life; Globetrotting to glamourous locations around the world while banging top beaver and killing motherfuckers with impunity all on the tax payers dime. It reminds me of when I tried to join the army back in high school and told the recruiter that I have no qualms about killing Canada’s enemies or fucking whores as I would enjoy it. Strangely they didn’t call me back?!? Probably because my penis was too big and it would have set off a trip wire!!!

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Anywho, Bond has been going on for soo long that he’s experienced several reboots over the years with actors who run the gamut from playful masculinity (Connery, Brosnan) to clownish buffoonery (Moore) to the grim brutality of such wet work and the morbidity of the soul (Dalton, Craig). Lazenby was a fucking twat.

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Every variation of Bond has been done while the character and his exploits have become a genre unto itself with thousands of rip-offs, homages and parodies.

Kingsman: The Secret Service is the latest film to tip its fedora towards Bond while acting as a meta deconstructionist take on the spy film. Based upon the graphic novel by Mark Millar (Kick Ass, Wanted), Kingsman is a collage of elements from not only Bond but also other influences such as the Harry Palmer series (whose star Michael Caine appears here), The Avengers 60’s TV show and even a touch of Men In Black.

Kingsman

Director Matthew Vaughn (X-Men: First Class, Layer Cake) and screenwriter Jane Goldman (Stardust, Kick Ass and whose tits I worship as if they were the face of Ceiling Cat Almighty!!!) make reference to several examples of the “old sage recruits young rough” and even name drops Trading Places, Pretty Woman and My Fair Lady in this tale of a council estate chav (“white trash” for those in North America) nicknamed Eggsy (Taron Egerton) whose life has been on a downward slope since his father died in the service of the Kingsmen. He’s pulled out of trouble by Harry Hart (Colin Firth) who convinces him to join his organization and make a better life for not only himself but also his Mother, whose life has also crashed and is involved with an abusive local hood, and baby sister.

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But trouble is afoot as the prerequisite villain of this piece launches his evil scheme. Richmond Valentine (Samuel L. Jackson, reminding us how fun he can be) is a blinged-out self-made multi-billionaire computer-tech-head with a slight lisp, an aversion to blood and a plan that the Kingsmen must stop. In true Bondian style his bodyguard/muscle is Gazelle (Sofia Boutella) who has no legs from the knee’s down and instead struts around on gleaming razor sharp chrome artificial limbs that will make the BDSM crowd cream their leather jockstraps. Think Oscar Pistorius but more slicey/stabby and with breasts and a vagina. You might remember Pistorius was the Paralympic champion who was arrested in the death of his girlfriend, who he shot through a bathroom door, and recently convicted because the court found that his defense didn’t have a leg to stand on.

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Eggsy is initiated into training and while dealing with the mental/physical rigors of the program he also has to put up with class slander from some of the elitist upper class private school douchebags who rile him for his lower economic upbringing. He befriends one of the girls in the group, Roxy (Sophie Cookson), and a tiny little pug as each of the Kingsman wannabes is tasked (by Kick-Ass alumni Mark Strong as their drill instructor) with caring for a dog which, as a part of their final test, each member will have to be recorded having sex with as the Kingsman’s way of keeping people quiet about their organization. Just kidding. Or am I………

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As a movie, Kingsman is classically structured. Meta deconstructionist films like this are ones that settle between seriousness and parody. Not quite Goldeneye nor Austin Powers, think Last Action Hero or Scream. The characters are aware of the type of story they’re in and use ironic detachment to try to elevate the material while also wallowing in the genre’s conventions. I’m not normally a fan of this type of movie and, to be honest, I usually prefer either a straight un-ironic genre flick or a parody because most Meta-D films aren’t as smart as they like to think and have a tendency to go up their own ass. Case in point, Edgar Wright, who I will forever love for Spaced Series One but who has failed, where Kingsman succeeds, because he’s always too busy trying to look clever instead of just giving an audience a good time while his pet theme of regressive idiot man children is as old and tired as the Wachowski’s fixation on ONE PERSON AGAINST THE SYSTEM posturing.

But the thing that saves Kingsman and makes it worthy in the cannon of Bond tributes is the films plunge into rank debauchery and ultra-violence. I’ve been complaining forever that Bond’s biggest problem has been its refusal to take advantage of the characters world and deliver graphic violence and soft-core pornographic sex. I dream of a reality where I rule the universe and can fuck any woman I want Russ Meyer, Jess Franco and Paul Verhoeven made Bond movies while their Producers have made a point of avoiding recruiting the best and brightest Directors to work for them because they’re cheap cocksuckers. Bond is the PERFECT franchise where each movie can be its own universe, so why not let a Director bring their own flavor to it? Fucking morons.

Matthew Vaughn is a huge Bond fan and, to be honest, his talents would be wasted being constricted to a PG-13 rating although he did a splendid job with X-Men: First Class. And while I’m normally resistant to Meta-D movies, Kingsman is injected with such verve and panache that its energy gives it tremendous momentum. It’s FUN, FUN, FUN! Remember “fun”? That thing Christopher Nolan took outside and shot in the back of the fucking head before pissing in its gaping mouth and defiling its corpse?

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Kingsman even makes a point to mention just how fucking dull and goddamn turgid spy movies have become; where Bond is now a Cro-Magnon geriatric thug with a limp cock who goes to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings when not trying/failing to save his granny (Skyfall). The only gadget in his arsenal these days is Valtrex a fucking gun that only he can use through fingerprint recognition, probably so that the British government can record the cost of how many fucking bullets he uses to save Queen and Country before stuffing it into his mouth and pulling the fucking trigger over how fucking miserable being a cinematic spy is today. I have little doubt that the next Sam Mendes Bond movie will be entirely set in traffic during a rainy day while Bond does his fucking taxes and listens to Kenny G.

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My favorite part of Kingsman is the villain and his plan. Having Jackson play against type is an awesome piece of casting, as is seeing fellow Jedi Mark Hamill make an appearance, and I loved every minute he was on screen. But the great thing about Valentine is that, unlike most villains who just want to rule the world, he has that which makes him a true threat and a great antagonist; a philosophy. He doesn’t see himself as a bad guy, just someone who wants to make the world a better place and is willing to kill billions to do it. It reminds me why I have “The road to Hell is paved with good intentions” tattooed on the shaft of my cock.

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This gives him strong motivation and reminds me why Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows failed. I mention that movie because both SH 1& 2 were Directed by Guy Richie whose first two films (Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels/Snatch) were Produced by Vaughn back in the old days when they were just Tarantino rip-off artists and before Richie became famous for dumping his genetic load into Madonna’s well-worn gash that’s seen more mileage than the German autobahn.

In Game of Shadows, Sherlock meets his arch-nemesis Professor Moriarty who wants to start a world war to enrich himself and gain power. Fucking YAWN! Starting a war is something any dickhead can do. Just pit two countries against each other BLAH BLAH BLAH! Where was the insane genius of one of literatures greatest villains? Even Nolan had the brains to give the Joker a purpose beyond simple crime or anarchy. He wanted to lay waste to civilizations hypocrisy and make people admit that they’re no better than animals despite the virtues they extoll and how anyone can succumb to their base instincts after a bad day. And he had a point.

Moriarty is a brilliant person and what does someone with an advanced intellect do when stuck in late 19th century Britain and surrounded by fear based upon superstition, anti-intellectualism and primitive technology/science/medicine? A great idea would have been for him to desire war, not for simple monetary gain, but because he believes that a global conflict would spark a new industrial/scientific/medical revolution and the end results would be a world sickened by warfare thus bringing about a new age of peace. Of course this is the folly of those who believe they can change human nature since most people who lived through WWI probably didn’t think people would be stupid enough to engage in another world-wide battle for supremacy let alone develop the technology to bring about mutually assured destruction through atomic weaponry. But most people are stupid assholes.

Valentine wants to return the Earth to ecological balance and you actually understand where they guy is coming from although his methods may be suspect. Unfortunately this will get a lot of people killed which is where Kingsman picks up at the end of its second act and when the movie flirts with greatness. I say flirts with because up until the films highly (rightfully) touted “Church scene” through to the finale, the story itself is rather rote and, to be honest, feels a bit claustrophobic due to its sets, which feel small, and the digital environments, meant to add scale, which are obvious and makes you yearn for the exotic locales of the Bond movies which used to be the best in geography porn.

But the interplay between the actors is wonderful and Vaughn’s commitment to ramping up the insanity brings about one of the best climaxes I’ve seen in a long time. To bitch about the movies faults would be rather anal as it’s a really good time and well worth your money butt my one reservation is that it doesn’t quite plumb the depths of sleaze and depravity and lacks any nudity until the very END!!!FACT!!!

Oh and FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!FACT!!!

 

Author Image

Creepy Thin Man

  • Stalkeye

    “I saw Kingsman at an advanced screening in Toronto earlier this month, THAT I PAID TO GET INTO UNLIKE SOME BOUGHT-AND-SOLD-WHORES ON OTHER WEBSITES THAT SHALL NOT BE NAMED, “

    Dude, my Ribs are aching because of this damn review!!! LMMFAO
    Well written in your usual flair, Creepy! (ye hardly disappoint.)

    I like most of Vaughn’s films and he had a good track record, so i doubt this would disappoint.

    And Foist!!

  • I_am_better

    “I have little doubt that the next Sam Mendes Bond movie will be entirely
    set in traffic during a rainy day while Bond does his fucking taxes and
    listens to Kenny G.”

    XD

    You are one of a kind, CTM

  • Col. Tigh-Fighter

    Glorious!

    Can’t wait to see it. I found myself at the council estate they used in the film this week. Cool place.

  • Captain Genius

    That was a lovely review. I really want to see this film.

  • Captain Genius

    Also ‘I have no qualms about killing Canada’s enemies’ needs to be on a t shirt

  • Abe

    God damn this is amazing Creepy. You are the man. So glad we’re giving you the digital space.

  • Dee

    I like most of Vaughn’s work, not so sure about Mark Millar. Completely agree about the Craig Bond though. Drab and boring.

  • Stalkeye

    Samuel Jackson played against type? So I guess he didn’t Yell throughout the Movie.
    Well, his performance will make up for that Shitfest called The Spirit.

  • RJD

    CHUD didn’t want him

  • RJD

    TB “we have Frankie smells”

    AICN “we have harry. And that cunt herc”

    SN ” WE HAVE A HULK”

  • Probably because my penis was too big and it would have set off a trip wire!!!

    That is where I lost it, and needed oxygen.

  • Abe

    Finally you spam something good!

  • The fact that the lead character is a fucking chav completely destroys any interest i could had about watching this movie. This despite the awesomeness of Colin Firth and the two very pretty girls in the movie.
    Thanks to fucking Abrams Treks and Guardians Of The Galaxy, i gained a total aversion to endure movies which the main characters are fucking assholes who need to change their ways into the way of the hero. Fuck that shit. What a waste of Colin Firth’s greatness! If the movie was ONLY about the Colin Firth character being the hero and saving the world while being the personificiation of modern man suaveness (which he is in real life), then i would watch this movie, pronto. FACT!!!

  • No.

  • Don’t forget the greatest cunts of them all at AICN, fucking MrBeaks, their version of Damon Lindelof, aka, the clueless pseudo-intellectual ass.

  • Their loss.

  • Nolan murders the kind of shallow ass dumb-ass crap-ass shit “fun” that deserves to be murdered with extreme prejudice and i’d all too gladly. His problem is that he does the deed far too gently as if with a Walther PPK. I would use instead a flamethrower or a fucking bazooka or a heavy mobile Horowitz and blow that fucking shit up to smithereens into their constituent atoms of fucking dumb. Now that’s entertainment!

  • When i grow up i want to be like Colin Firth or Mads Mikkelssen, the two suavest men of cinema of today. FACT!!

  • Stalkeye

    Ya lucked out with CTM, SUK IAB and DD.
    Truth be told that someone made it “All too easy” for the defection/migration.
    And as long History doesn’t repeat itself, your site will be just fine.

  • gorgarwilleatyou1

    awesome nice review looking forward to this. Creepy always makes me laugh get him on the podcasts!

  • he was in SUK’s Lords Of Talkbackers

  • No mention of me? Thanks, pal.

    Kidding aside, this site will have a future as long they take it easy. Slow progress, no rushing about.

  • Fate_Slistcrunch
  • [email protected] [email protected]

    Looking forward to seeing this sometime, too busy for theatres atm, but will catch it on VOD or Blu. Great review, and noooooooooo. Fuuuuuuuuuckk YOOOOOOOOOOU!!!!

  • Stalkeye

    I did that on purpose just to fuck with ya. 😛
    Needless to say, of course you are a great addition to this site and although i have retired from writing articles, I shall continue to support my Friends and Fiends.
    (Shit, had you not listen to my suggestion of appearing on SUK, who knows what would have happen.)

    You’re a PITA at times, but I still lubs ya.

  • gorgarwilleatyou1

    yeah i remember that was one of the episodes that got me following all you guys….but we need more creepy get him back on the show.

  • gorgarwilleatyou1

    Well thanks to Pride and Prejudice my wife ensures we watch every movie me is in and I have to say his singing in Mamma Mia is the high water mark for me!

  • Mr Nick Nightly

    I’ve always aspired to be like Chris Burke.

  • Mr Nick Nightly

    I’ll take a serious or “pretentious” film any day over something light and “fun.” There’s a large place for silly movies, but its overkill to the point of people complaining that directors are taking their stories seriously! I’d much rather see someone take risks – even if some may not work – than play it bland and safe.

  • Stalkeye

    CTM got an early screening yet i wonder why Kingsman has been scheduled to arrive in theaters on February 13th? Is the reason behind it to go toe-to-toe against that 50 Shades of Lame?

    I know where my hard stolen earned Dollars will go to. 😛

  • CreepyThinMan

    Well, I actually saw the movie on January 9th and Fox has been doing a lot of screenings. I started writing the review that night, got half way through and just wasn’t feeling it. But yesterday I was inspired to finish it. Releasing it near Valentines Day is cute but I think it might get flattened by 50 SoG. Best case scenario would be if women went to see that shit while they’re boyfriends see Kingsman!!!FACT!!!

  • CreepyThinMan

    I’ve been a fan of Firth since seeing him in Bridget Jones’ Diary. Love that movie!!!FACT!!!

  • Stalkeye

    January 9th??!!??
    Why You lucky bastid!! 😛

    I predict that plenty of Wimmen will drag their Pussy-whipped Boyfriends to see Fiddy Shades of Lay.
    I was annoyed by all the hype of that film and what made it worse, was Beyoncee’s “Uh oh, uh oh,uh oh oh,oh…”

    *BLEEERRRGGG*

  • Neither?

  • You said it.

  • He rocked in The King’s Speech.

  • Yer teaser!!

    OK, now i have to ask: what’s a PITA?

    What would had happened if i hadn’t been on SUK as you suggested? Well, i think the SUKs would still be in the same place they are today, their catalyst would had been something else or somebody else. Me, i would just be more anonymous, just another reader.

  • CHUD has Faraci and we have CTM.
    I think we got the better deal.

  • Stalkeye

    SUK would eventually gain momentum. However, Dan mentioned that it was your appearance that help to bolster SUK’s popularity during the Glory days of Talkbacker.

  • CreepyThinMan

    Truth be told, the last sneak preview I went to was in Feb of 1994 for Ace Ventura. Also, you couldn’t pay me enough to see 50 SoG. I still find it amusing that a book about BDSM became a bestseller, one which women were reading out in public, EVERYWHERE. I’d be curious as fuck if they hired someone like Cronenberg or Paul Schrader to adapt it, with a Brian Eno/Philip Glass score! I will admit that I went to see The Notebook back in 2004 only because this girl I was going out with wanted to see it and she agreed to give me a handjob if I went with her!!!FACT!!!
    http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_XCCzcMw9CYM/TQgS8SINOKI/AAAAAAAALOw/n4Q-6RD888o/s400/208.jpg

  • RJD

    Yrs. We also have dee. Better. Toxie. And asi

  • Stalkeye

    Notebook??!!? Shit, she should have demonstrated her appreciation via “Bobbing for your Apples’ while the Movie was playing!!
    I couldn’t get past the first 3 Minutes of that shit.

    Shit, I guess i got off easy when I made a Bootleg DVD of The Royal Tannebaums and Death to Smoochy for my ladyfriend at the time. let’s just say, that we didn’t bother to watch through the ending credits.

    *Kool aid smile*

  • CreepyThinMan

    I wanted a BJ but she wouldn’t be able to see the movie then, not that I cared!!!FACT!!!
    http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/kpq

  • Stalkeye

    Also:

    1.) Yes, George Lazenby was a lame Ass bond. (I like Roger Moore, but Sean was the quintessential 007.with the noted exception of never say never again. Fuck that Shite!)

    2.) So that’s Jane Goldman? Oh Yeahhhhhhh! My meat may not be Kosher, but it’s cut! (0:<

    3.) Your Photoshop skills never cease to amaze me. Just the way they are used especially the Viagra and Batman/Nolan Pics. Hysterical!!

  • Stalkeye

    “OK, now i have to ask: what’s a PITA?”

  • CreepyThinMan

    I thank you kindly, Sir. Here’s a list of Horror games coming out in 2015. I figure you’d be interested!!!FACT!!!
    http://ca.ign.com/articles/2015/01/30/13-horror-games-not-to-turn-your-back-on-in-2015

  • Stalkeye

    Thanks! i have already pre-orderedDoom, The order, Bloodborne and of course RE Revelations 2 . I’ll reserve judgement for the rest and while a Friday the 13th game may sound cool, leave it to videogame studios to fuck up a film franchise via adaptation.

    Hey, did you ever get the chance to read my Zombie review/retrospective?

    http://talkbacker.com/retro/culture-clash-zombie/id=40436

  • CreepyThinMan

    Yep, read it the day it was published. Great stuff. Oh, I was checking my PS3 system and forgot that I downloaded the demo for the black & white side scroller Limbo. What a delightful game. Have you played it? I love old school side scrollers and I’d love to see more made since modern system power could do some amazing things. My favorite SNES game was Out Of This World. I desperately want an updated version of Pitfall. FUCKING LOVE that game!!!FACT!!!
    http://youtu.be/jiAe-W6QFq0

  • Stalkeye

    Thanks and actually, I have Limbo, (free with XBL Gold subscription) but never had the chance to play it since i have a shitload of Games in my 360. eventually, i’ll get around to it.
    As for my favorite SNES and Genny games, well that would be a list for another time and its a long ass list! I never played out of this world but liked Flashback which also came out for SNES.

  • Bop

    Creepy, I wonder what would happen when you are really pissed off.

  • Bop

    George Lazenby was not a good Bond, but at least the movie had Diana Rigg.

    And one thing I really didn’t like in the movie. When all those beautiful women were eating in that treatment centre what was the black woman eating? A banana. Fucking Hollywood.

  • Bop

    I was annoyed that Beyonce pays her personal trainer 200.000 dollars a year. Talk about overpaying someone.

  • Bop

    Dude, for dragging you to The Notebook she should have given you the full treatment.

  • Bop

    Does Portugal have chavs?

  • ErnestRister

    Never mind.

  • Stalkeye

    Remember what he did to Killik,a Year ago? (0;’

  • Stalkeye

    Brother B, OHMSS is very overatted if you ask me, but it has the best Bond theme evah! (Not to mention the Mindfuck of an ending.)

    Lazenby was so Dull and unconvincing as 007. Telly’s Blofeld came off more like some Henchman than a Criminal Mastermind. (The Guy from Diamonds are forever was much better along with Donald Pleasence.)

    I can’t really say whether or not the Black Woman with the Banana was intentional (As in a Subliminal Racist commentary.) but yeah, one may take it as offensive. Well, Roger Moore’s Bond had no problem getting it on with a Sista. ( Gloria Hendry fromLive and let Die.)

    Thank Gawd for certain Blaxploitation films that help to empower black protagonists without the BS Stereotypes. Also that Genre helped to save Hollywood’s sorry Ass back then.

  • Stalkeye

    I would LOVE to train her if you know what I mean.
    Her husband “Joe Camel” probably wouldn’t know how to hit it right.

    BTW Hood vs Proctor Round 3? LOL

  • CreepyThinMan

    You’d never be able to tell anyone…..
    http://youtu.be/JNCnqz-tXBc

  • Stalkeye

    No doubt that the Bond Franchise has been a major influence to so many Films, TV Series and even these guys!!

    *Chuckle* (0:<

  • Stiv Bators aka Chuck Tatum

    It kills me that anyone (Hollywood) thinks that sex themed non x rated movies work, especially ones with a BDSM theme.

    9 1/2 weeks & Wild Orchid sucked & not in a sexual way!

  • Stiv Bators aka Chuck Tatum

    You covet my ice cream bar!

  • John Connor

    I bought The Notebook on Bluray to give to my mother on her next birthday. Then she died. So now I’m stuck with it. That fucking bitch.

  • Bop

    She needs to be trained correctly and you are the man for the job.

    Hood vs Proctor 3. Big LOL.

    I thought I was watching a fill-in ep, but in the end business picked up.
    Evil Joey Styles is awesome. A great great bad guy.

  • Bop

    Bond should have been getting it on with more sistas.

  • Bop

    Who doesn’t? Killik got neutered.

  • franks_television

    Maybe it’s better than I expected. Didn’t realize it was R. I just assume everything is PG-13 nowadays.

  • What country doesn’t?

  • In my country a pita is a spring chick, as in, a very young hen, younger then a chicken.

  • Phantomcreeps

    Nice job.

    Peace.

  • CreepyThinMan

    WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU AND KilliK BEEN, YOU COCKSUCKERS!!! I MISS THE HEADY DAYS OF TALKBACKER AND LORDS OF TALKBACKER, WHEN THE WORLD TREMBLED AT THE SOUND OF OUR TROLLING AND NO ONE TREMBLES AT THE SOUND OF SILENCE, EXCEPT FOR SIMON AND GARFUNKEL!!! TAKE CARE MY FRIEND, NO HOMO AND FUCK YOU FOREVER!!!FACT!!!
    http://youtu.be/PEiZDaltXUQ

  • Phantomcreeps

    Just been looking for a new home.

    This should work 🙂

    Just saw Killik on Aicn.

    Gotta get him over here.

    Has a big letter k in red, can’t miss him.

  • Stalkeye

    And yet, his present whereabouts are still unknown.

    The end.

  • Stalkeye

    Bond was like me with the Ladies back in the day.
    An equal opportunity Boner Lover. (0:’

  • Stalkeye

    That he is. And wassup with the War Paint on his Torso?
    he looks like “Captain Native America”!
    This actor would be a perfect choice for Nightwolf if there is to be another Mortal Kombat Movie.

  • RevengeofZodLovesMaude

    Chud is a pack of elitest snobs. If you don’t suck Nick’s ass, you are garbage. They are art house goons and toe the predictable line, the form cliques and clubs and look down their snooty noses. Child murderers every last one of them.

  • binky tyreminkee

    I will be seeing this movie, thanks in part to this review! About your tattoo…I have the same saying, in the same place…but I had mine done in binary…just because I had the extra room.

  • Art house goons don’t give Terminator Salvation 4 stars, do they?
    They are not art house goons, they are just fools.

  • RevengeofZodLovesMaude

    but they think they are; they think they know better than the mere plebians, yet show how untrue it is with Salvation praise and other insanities. Star Wars is bad, yet Salvation is good? LOL… ugh. There is no consistentency, but hypocracy. Nick at Chud had many chances to cut ties with Faraci, but he has refused and his site is freak show full of nasty jerk-offs.

  • CreepyThinMan

    I heard he was last spotted in a New York city alley on 42nd Street face down in a trash can with dog semen dribbling out of his gaping, bloody, torn, red, distended anus!!!FACT!!!

  • Bop

    Yeah, and a great T Hawk if they do another SF movie.

  • Stalkeye

    After the first two, i think they shouldn’t make another SF film.

  • DirkD13

    This film is the fucking nuts! Loved it. Colin Firth is now officially a man-God.

  • Stalkeye

    And He enjoyed every second of it, I’m sure.

  • KilliK

    What did he do?

  • KilliK

    Lol.

  • KilliK

    Hilarious. So this movie is a must see.

  • CreepyThinMan

    I KNOW THAT’S YOU KilliK!!! YOU THINK I CAN’T SEE THROUGH YOUR FUCKING CHARADE, LIKE CHILDREN DO WHEN YOU DRIVE NEAR THEIR SCHOOL IN A VAN WITH A SIGN ON THE SIDE THAT SAYS “FREE CANDY”!!!FACT!!!

  • Tim R.R. Something

    How did a studio buy into that? They’re such pussies for that PG13 demographic.

  • They have to know better then the “plebs”. It’s their job to know better. If they know or not, that’s their problem. And if their opinions are equal or similar to the “plebs”, they are not doing their job right. A professional film critic OUGHT to know better then the average viewer and even most of the geekdom as well, it’s part and parcel of their job. When they don’t, they fail at their day job and are no different then from the garden variety dumb Michael Bay loving geekoid.

    I think that Faraci writes reviews for maximum impact on the readership (aka, hit generating) and not on true cinematic dissertation. And his ego is as large as his belly, but not his intellect.

  • RevengeofZodLovesMaude

    thats it, they don’t. They don’t know more than you or I. They are snobbish jerk offs… for reasons not yet known… I have never taken away from the site, “wow! these guys know their stuff!” it’s more like, “Yeah, so what?” they aren’t too far removed from the lazy slobs at AICN. And Faraci… ugh… what a sad excuse of… something… he’s all about Clickbait- honest, quality journalism and film deconstruction- forget it.

  • A real critic does know more, and i have learned a lot from the real thing. From the Faraci brand of brat reviewers, not so much.
    Possibly the most important difference between Faraci and Mr Knowles is that the former can actually write.

  • RevengeofZodLovesMaude

    HAha. true. Faraci can write, but his thoughts are useless. harry is ill or something going wrong.

  • RevengeofZodLovesMaude

    But sometimes they their views coincide with the plebs, Ebert often did… these stumps have no clue nor Ebert’s class.

  • Stalkeye

    Holy Shit!
    BUSTED!!! LMMFAO

  • Or just too many painkillers.

  • RevengeofZodLovesMaude

    Yep…. too many twinkis.

  • Champagne Disqus

    Bravo! But you would have to pay me to sit through this movie.

  • Twinkies flavoured with painkillers.

  • RevengeofZodLovesMaude

    Aderol, Xanex….

  • Paracetamol

  • RevengeofZodLovesMaude

    Demorol!

  • Tramadol

  • RevengeofZodLovesMaude

    Extrotrioscolene.