Twin Peaks Returns: The Fireman Twin Peaks Returns: The Fireman
We’re in the homestretch now, and episodes 13 and 14 are chock full of weirdness, tension, some answers and even more questions. We see... Twin Peaks Returns: The Fireman

We’re in the homestretch now, and episodes 13 and 14 are chock full of weirdness, tension, some answers and even more questions. We see an old favorite step up in a way you don’t expect, and another act in a way that’s at once horrific and heartbreaking. And there’s arm wrestling. Seriously. Arm wrestling.

Before arm wrestling though, let’s have a conga line, because, well, why the hell not? The Mitchum brothers, their three bunnies and Dougie all enter his work doing a conga straight into Boss Bushnell’s office, where he’s laden with gifts. It’s one of those scenes that brings back the spirit of the first two seasons, and the comic relief is welcome after all the intensity that has come before in previous episodes.

Bad Cooper is back and on the hunt for Ray. He tracks him down to a warehouse in Montana. Backed up by a band of gun toting ne’er do wells, Ray’s boss challenges Bad Coop to an arm wrestling contest. My first thought when hearing this was there would be a broken arm and gushing blood. I was right about the gushing blood, but it came when BC punched bossman in the nose killing him instantly. As a reward, he’s given Ray, who imparts some information before having his brains blown out. The most significant thing is he was supposed to put the signet ring (which has been around since season one), on Coop’s finger after he killed him.

There was no reason for this explicitly given, but when he puts it on Ray’s finger, it disappears and we then see his body in the Black Lodge. Back in Vegas, we see Anthony making the decision to poison Dougie. He takes Dougie out for coffee before work (Dougie is SUCH a pushover when coffee is involved), then breaks down and decides he can’t do it. He cries and tells everything to Bushnell, including how he was screwing him over. It was a reaction I wasn’t anticipating, and having watched the episode three times now, I’m still not sure I buy it. This seems more like a plot necessity than character development, and either way beneath Lynch and Frost’s formidable talents.

At the Double R diner we finally see Big Ed again, talking with Norma as she’s doing her books. Bobby pops up and they all start shooting the shit about nothing in particular. When Norma’s business partner/romantic interest arrives, Bobby and Ed take their dinner elsewhere, and we can see that Ed still loves Norma, and she’s still picking assholes over him. I’ve always loved Ed, but as nice as he is, he’s dumb as a box of rocks sometimes.

Appropriately enough, we then see Nadine, and as Dr. Jacoby drives by her shop, he sees one of his gold painted shovels in her window. He stops, and starts buzzing her doorbell. We have a nice little reunion, and it’s a very sweet scene. Too short for my taste, but sweet nonetheless.

The episode winds down with another scene featuring the foul mouthed Audrey, and her freakish husband. She can’t remember where the bar is, and so they argue a little bit about it. Frankly, I’m a bit over the Audrey scenes, and I hope there’s a good payoff otherwise it was a waste of film and talent.  The show closes out with James singing the same song he sung with Laura and Donna. It was a nice nod to the past, and a bit of a goose bump maker for me. I liked it a lot – falsetto, and trampy looking backup singers and all.

The final shot is a very sad one. It’s Ed looking at the pumps from the office of his gas station, eating something out of a paper cup. He doesn’t utter a word, but his face says it all. It’s a very heartbreaking scene of a man who has wasted a life for a woman he’d never have again.

Changing tones a little bit, we head into episode 14, and one of my favorites. We start off with Gordon calling Sheriff Truman. His interactions with them are pure Lynch genius, and sets the tone for everything that follows. Albert tells Tammy about the first Blue Rose case which Phillip Jeffries and Gordon Cole investigated together. She’s also told about the ring found in Major Brigg’s stomach. We then learn that Dougie’s wife is actually Diane’s half sister. I think my jaw about hit the floor when I heard that.

All of that leads Gordon to have the Las Vegas FBI office look for Dougie and his wife. Gordo then recalls a dream he had featuring of all people Monica Bellucci (because why the hell not?). He tells Albert and Tammy about it, and see clips from Fire Walk With Me, featuring their younger selves and the late, great David Bowie as Phillip Jeffries.

We then see the least liked Deputy, Chad, getting arrested at the  Twin Peaks Sheriff’s Office for unnamed crimes, though we all know what a raging twatwaffle he is. The other Deputies, Hawk, Bobby, Andy and the Sheriff set off to do some hiking, to the coordinates they found in the tube from Major Briggs. At the appointed time, They find a naked eyeless woman (from the first episode), and a vortex in the sky which sucks up Andy.

The giant appears and tells Andy he is the Fireman. Andy sees some visions and is popped back down to the mountain top, where he tells the others about the woman they found and how important it was to save her.

Back at the Sheriff’s Office, the woman is placed in a cell with clothing from Lucy. Chad starts giving shit to Andy who manages to shut him up for a moment. There’s also an unidentified man, badly beaten and bleeding who repeats everything Chad says, and communicates, it seems, with the woman in a bunch of screeches.

And then, perhaps my favorite bit of the whole night, we see James (who is now a security guard), on a break with a fellow guard, Freddie Sykes. Freddie has a green gardening glove on one hand, and he tells James the story of how he got it, what it does (it gives him the power of a sledgehammer), and that he can’t take it off. I’ve no idea where this will lead, if anywhere, but it was such an oddball and well done scene, I hope we see more of Freddie.

The episode ends with one of the most shocking/revealing scenes seen to date. Mrs. Palmer in a bar, drinking a bloody Mary and being harassed by a foul mouthed lothario. She opens her face up, shows him what’s inside, and then bites half his face off.  It’s frightening and horrific, and leaves you wondering what the hell just happened.

We are now down to four remaining episodes, and 3 weeks left (the last two episodes are being show in one night). There are so many threads to resolve, I know Lynch won’t cover them all. They were never meant to be given nice, neat endings. That’s not how Lynch works, and not how Twin Peaks exists.

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Scott Colbert

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