School’s out: Last American Virgin and Class of 1984 School’s out: Last American Virgin and Class of 1984
  Ah, School is finally over now that Summer has finally arrived! So while all the brats are now enjoying their summer break or... School’s out: Last American Virgin and Class of 1984

 

schools out

Ah, School is finally over now that Summer has finally arrived! So while all the brats are now enjoying their summer break or searching for a job to pay off their expensive Student Loans, lets a look at a few picks of my favorite School themed movies shall we?

First off, here’s a nice Romantic comedy for the hopeless romantics out there and the emphasis is heavy on hopeless! In 1983’s Cannon raunchy Romcom, directed by Boaz Davidson, The Last American Virgin, Gary who serves as the central character falls for an attractive Brunette named Karen while going on this odyssey to get laid along with his closest friends David and Rick.

Synopsis: The friendship of a group of young friends struggling with teen sex, drugs, and work is jeopardized by a romantic interest which may turn pals into bitter rivals.

Winkin, Blinkin and Nod

Winkin, Blinkin and Nod

Gary is that typical insecure kid who falls into peer pressure by going along with whatever silly shenanigans his friends concoct, but what is worse, he’s very selfless. As a Pizza Delivery guy, he meets an older yet sensuous Latina, Carmilla who makes suggestive advances toward him and what does he do in return? Gary leaves only to come back with David and Rick who lucky for them, take turns on her. Unfortunately, Gary never got his turn thanks to a hysterical and very offensive scene in which Carmella’s Boyfriend Paco accompanied by matador music returns from work only to find big fat David getting busy with his boo. Gawd, there’s no way you can make a scene like that without  protesters being all up in arms!!

lastvirgin2big

“El Milf”!

Then there’s that Dick measuring contest and regardless if the protagonists, were presumably heterosexual, I highly doubt you’ll find your average straight guy examining some dude’s Junk. (Unless he’s a Urologist!) Ya gotta love the 80’s when a filmmaker could express their art without the need to fear repercussions from the town crying public. Last American Virgin was not only a guilty pleasure, but one of the rare gems within Cannon’s Library. Oh, how I hated that ending!!!

You, Biiiiiiiiiiiitttttttcccch!

You, Biiiiiiiiiiiitttttttcccch!

Below the surface of its raunchy humor, there’s elements of loss innocence, obsession, betrayal and heartache. In other words, shit Teenagers have to endure prior to reaching the passage of Man or Womanhood. One of the strongest assets of LAV, would be the soundtrack thanks in part to various artists: U2, Oingo Boingo, KC & The Sunshine band, Quincy Jones, Lionel Richie and the obscure Fortune band who performed  “Airwaves” a generic but likable rock melody which blends perfectly for the movie’s vibe! Not bad for a remake or a Cannon flick. (Originally based on Israeli film, Lemon Popsicle also directed by Boaz Davidson.)  Ah, pure 80’s  goodness!

 

 

And speaking of 80’s and goodness, Class of 1984 is no doubt, one of the best School based films I have seen!

Class of 1984

Synopsis: Andy is a new teacher in an inner city high school that is like nothing he has ever seen before. The students have to go through a metal detector when they go through the front door and everything is basically run by a tough kid named Peter Stegman. Soon, Andy and Stegman become enemies and Stegman will stop at nothing to protect his turf and drug dealing business.

 

“When I first saw this movie I was utterly impressed. It was a cool movie with Timothy Van Patten of Ninja Master fame. From what I understood, because I didn’t watch this movie in 1984, was that critics slogged it down. It was unrealistic that there were metal detectors in school and stuff. Something that was totally unimaginable in 1984. I believe I read that metal detectors arrived in school a few years later. If that is not true, please correct me.

 

I loved the song (I am the future) of Class of 1984 done by Alice Cooper. I loved how the school was so utterly chaotic with lots of scum. Michael J. Fox was not famous then yet and that was also funny. I loved the cover of Class of 1984. I miss those days when there was real art on VHS covers. It gave it a certain grittiness you hardly see in covers anymore.

 

Class of 1984 was a visionary movie. It predicted how school would turn out and that’s why this movie is quite special”.

-Bop, Contributor of The Supernaughts

 

Mark Lester directed his first film that one may consider a mashup of Blackboard Jungle and A Clockwork Orange. On the surface, it may look like some post grind house exploitation flick, but there’s certainly more to it than expected and Class of 1984 exceeds expectations.

Nice bunch of friendly folks.

Nice bunch of friendly folks.

As the story progresses, music teacher Andrew Norris bears witness to drug dealing gone sour, a stabbing, a racial gang fight, animal mutilations, a KFC’ed Roddy McDowell, and that’s just for starters!! However, of all the memorable scenes that stood out, one in particular showcased a fascinating perspective of Stegmam. Underneath the surface of this despicable and sadistic Gang Leader, there lies a talented genius as demonstrated in this scene.

 

 

What I found so “fascinating” about that scene, is had Stegmam been accepted to perform at the school’s symphony, perhaps he would have changed his outlook in life by perusing his passion in music and eventually remove himself from the gang scene.

 

This is somewhat reminiscent of the film Max; a fictional tale between Adolf Hitler and art dealer Max Rothman who agreed to meeting Adolf in a cafe to discuss his paintings and most importantly, relations between Germans and Jews. Who knows what would have come about had this monster actually met with Max that night and possibly, became a world renowned artist instead of one of the evilest cunts in history? Not necessarily comparing Stegman to Hitler, but you get the idea!

"If anyone else says that"Legend of Hellhouse" was bad, will get one between the eyes"!

“If anyone else says that”Legend of Hellhouse” was bad, I’ll give ’em one between the eyes”!

 

 

Throughout the movie, Andrew Norris’ life further spirals as he is threatened, harassed and to top it all, a vicious gang rape happens to a loved one thus leading the buildup to its inevitable and very violent confrontation. In retrospect, mild mannered Andy became as sadistic as his punk tormentors and understandably so. He should have also been referred to as “The Man they pushed too far.”

The fashions and music helped to put the infamous punk scene further into the cinema spotlight. That reason alone has given Class of 1984 a cult following.

Not to mention that the film’s antagonist is played by Tim Van Patten, the critically acclaimed director of HBO series such as The Sopranos, Game of Thrones, The Wire and Boardwalk Empire.

Who knew that some kid with a "Bellend" haircut would go on to have a successful career? (And Parkinson's?)

Who knew that some kid with a “Bellend” haircut would go on to have a successful career? (Or Parkinson’s?)

If you’re looking for a good exploitative film without too much cheese, you can’t go wrong with Class of 1984. It’s now available on  Blu-ray release thanks to Shout Factory!

As a footnote, I must mention how this film eerily foreshadowed the disturbing trend of violence within high schools that has progressed on to even worse levels. More than just a B-film, but a cautionary tale.

More selections to come but in the meantime, “Class dismissed”!

 

And now for some bonus material that I call “DETENTION”!

 

Author Image

Stalkeye

Stalkeye= anagram of Stalker and Snake Eyes. Satirist, Gamer, Artist and Pop Culture commentator- Stalks offers his outspoken views on on most things Geek related as well as WTF is wrong with the world today!

  • Sagamanus

    Interesting choice for an article. Wow that pic of Michael J. Fox.

  • Stalkeye

    I know, right? I can’t blame that guy Eddie “Cuntino” for shanking him in the Movie just for that Dick tipped haircut and corny dialogue.

  • Dee-abolik

    I have never seen American Virgin, but the original Lemon Popsicle was very popular here, had around 7-8 sequels of decreasing quality. What do you think of Class of 1999, Stalks?

  • Stalkeye

    LAV was great as a self contained film (Without the need for sequels.) as the ending made it more than clear. If anything, I saw it as a PSA. LMMFAO
    As for Co1999, it’s decent for a spinoff but the following sequel was the death knell of this series. Funny how Stacy Keach reminded me of Simon Ryker from Buckler’s original Deathlok series.

    http://www.marvunapp.com/Appendix/rykersed2

    https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQufRkImVMa95Ie60yETUY6DBtRtEeay87m1EIKrKXBanvq7L5E

  • Tarmac492.1

    Great article Stalks!!! I only saw LAV once, but it stuck with me. Ending was pretty cruel, the teenage, non-fatal equivalent of Duane Jones getting drilled through the head by a redneck in NOTLD

  • Tarmac492.1

    Class of 1984 is just great. Perry King, Baby!!! And Mr. Van Patten has become quite the master tv director since then, agreed.

  • Tarmac492.1

    Love that ALice Cooper tune and, Bop makes a great point about it being prescient with metal detectors in school. Sadly.

  • Stalkeye

    I had the “Zipper catches Skin” CD which included AC’s “I am the Future”, but misplaced it during a move sometime ago. ): Love that song and (in a manner of speaking) that would be one of my many theme songs. (;’

  • Stalkeye

    Love it, that’s why I forked over $20 for the Blu ray last year! It’s fun to see Perry king who once played the Slave master in Mandingo, become this mild manneredTeacher who loses his shit toward the end. XD

    I remember Tim Van Patten mostly from The White Shadow but he played against type as the vile piece of shit, Peter Stegman. Bro, my mouth dropped when he said to Leroy; “We’re the only Niggers here who sell drugs..”
    Legit performance from TVP and I love his directing from Sopranos, The Wire and Boardwalk Empire along with a few other HBO series. Guy is a Master indeed.

  • Bop

    I have a friend who gets out of control when he sees a beautiful woman. I call him Eis Am Stiel.
    I always tell him:”Get control of yourself, Eis Am Stiel.”

  • Stalkeye

    LMMFAO I’m glad you mentioned Ben’s death from NOTLD during last week’s MaS. That shit fucked with my head when I was a kid because it was a mindfuck of an ending. If we were to do a list of top Fucked up endings, this would definately make the list! BTW, I’m still doing revisions on the Soulman stuff, I’ll contact you with the deats whenever I’m finally ready.

  • Bop

    Cuntino. Lol. I always thought he was called Contino. Kont means ass in Dutch. After I saw this movie I called every idiot a Kontino.

  • Bop

    King definitely lost his shit, ha ha.

  • Stalkeye

    Hey, B!
    I hope you didnt mind me throwing in your review from the CC article way back. Your opinion is always valuble, even when we disagree. X)

  • Stalkeye

    Yeah, Gangraping his Wife was the final straw and I can’t blame him. Those Pricks had it coming!!!

  • Bop

    Hey, bro. I don’t mind at all. I will be prepping some articles soon. Got various ideas.

  • Bop

    I know. I loved the first GI Joe. 🙂

  • Stalkeye

    Cool! I can’t wait to see what you’ll put out!

  • Bop

    Great article, Stalks. Never saw LAV. Never even heard of it and that is strange because I grew up on 80s movies. As for Class Of 1984… Classic. And J. Fox was really annoying in that movie. If I didn’t know better I would have considered him to be a Disney kid.

  • Stalkeye

    XD I know. I can’t forgive them for fucking up Zartan.
    But at least Firefly was cool in the sequel.

  • Stalkeye

    [email protected] Well, it’s kinda close yanno. (;’
    There’s that funny scene in which Vinnie Cantino offered to do anything for Stegman’s gang, and Barnyard introduced him as “Vinnie CUNTino”. I laughed my ass off.

  • Stalkeye

    Thanks, Brother!
    LAV was a pleasant surprise and a must for any 80’s cinemaphile. It ranks among my top 5 Cannon Films. The Soundtrack itself was a sign of it’s time and listening to some of the songs, kinda takes me back.

  • Bop

    I wish we had an equivalent of Cannon movies these days. Cannon definitely released some cool stuff.

  • Bop

    Oh, and 80s movies definitely had a lot of cool soundtracks.

  • Stalkeye

    Yes, they did. But plenty were real stinkers like Superman: Quest for peace.
    Cobra was legit, however.

  • Bop

    Love Cobra. Never understood why there was no sequel.

  • Stalkeye

    I wish there were! That way they can explain WTF was Cobretti’s “Zombie squad”.

  • Dee-abolik

    Hey, off topic, but did you hear that Götz George died?

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    Stallone still wants to make one but, like Rambo V, I doubt it’ll ever happen. Too bad, as Cobra is up there with Commando as ridiculously awesome (and awesomely ridiculous) eighties action cheese.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    “It’s fun to see Perry king who once played the Slave master in Mandingo,”

    Also played Han Solo in the eighties NPR radio adaptations of Star Wars and the Empire Strikes Back, believe it or not.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    I think if there’s a message to that, it’s “never be the shoulder to cry on.” Cruel, but true.

  • Stalkeye

    Lol I wasnt aware of that.
    Too bad his career never went far enough.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    Apparently, he auditioned for the movie part but didn’t get it (of course). Guess that was the runner’s up prize, lol!

    John Lithgow voiced Yoda in those radio plays, which is an even weirder piece of trivia.

  • Dee-abolik

    Class of 1999 is a total guilty pleasure… LAV looks like a case of a remake that is better than the original, Lemon Popsicle was nothing to phone home about and the sequels are the spiritual forerunners to Amerian Pie.

  • Stalkeye

    How could I hate on a movie that features Pam Grier as a Cyborg? A more dignified role than Escape from LA in my opinion.
    The soundtrack added so much toward LAV and although I have yet to see Lemon Popsicle, it cant be as good as the american remake.
    Yes, these films were the precursor to American Pie and not really Porky’s.

  • Stalkeye

    I heard Kurt Russell auditioned for the role of solo. Glad it didnt work out otherwise, there would be no Snake Plissken.😎

  • KilliK

    it’s not too late though. Disney can cast him as Solo’s old father in the spinoff prequel.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79XY3d6-tiY

  • KilliK

    ah, the guy from Riptide. saw him in a tv movie playing the cowboy a few months ago.

  • Stalkeye

    I could picture William Katt as Luke.

  • Stalkeye

    It does not pay to play “Captain Save-a-Ho” at times.

  • Stalkeye

    Roger Ebert’s review of Class of 1984 circa 1982.
    http://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/class-of-1984-1982

  • Bop

    Cool that he still wants to make one, but I guess the Expendables is giving him too much money in the pocket. 🙂 Cobra and Commando, now there is a double feature.

  • Bop

    Yeah, I did. Are you doing an article on him?

  • Bop

    Zombie Squad was probably much better than what the Expendables are now. 🙂

  • Dee-abolik

    not sure

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