Terminator Genisys: This is it. This is the End. Terminator Genisys: This is it. This is the End.
For anyone hoping that Cameron was going to return to this franchise one day, or perhaps after the assured failure of this latest installment,... Terminator Genisys: This is it. This is the End.

For anyone hoping that Cameron was going to return to this franchise one day, or perhaps after the assured failure of this latest installment, they should have their heads evacuated like the Augean Stables. Never heard of them? Then Google it. We’ve come full circle here. The mortar has set and the last brick has been laid, hiding a corpse behind the wall.

Did this film have to be made? No. Should it have been made? Well that’s not up to you, or me. And to be honest no film is sacred. The other Terminator films were seemingly made a lifetime ago. And surely we need a new interpretation, right? After all, they did it with Total Recall and that was just smashing. Just smashing! Cheerio!


Moving through the original territories of the first film would be a great money-saving feature for a TV show, however here it’s one of creative starvation. We see background plot being filled in as the timeline intersects just like as if someone had dared to go back in time and graft Jabba the Hutt onto an old skin so he could interact with Han Solo, filling in our imaginations. Who does that? What does the time-traveling gizmo look like anyway? And why are they nude? The jump-point is 1984 all over again and while the faces of the young punks are different and a younger Arnold is handled by Skynet’s finest plastic surgeons. The older Arnold intercepts the clothes thief killer to change everything. Everything’s the same…well almost.

Time travel used to be so easy. But as a series goes on and questions have to be answered it can get pretty murky and having to rely on a firm scientific foundation for a universe that is just a metaphor for human hubris can be its undoing. Of course if the filmmakers had to actually explain the science behind the creation of a time-machine or a flux capacitor, and couldn’t proceed without it, well we would have theaters but no films. I think if Skynet even pondered for too long how Kyle Reese had to go back in time to give birth to the guy who is his best friend and standing right in front of him, he would blow up. Just like computers used to blow-up in old shows like Star Trek when presented with illogical conundrums. It’s a quantum loop and never ends, the tail of the past gives birth to a future. Holy crap we have an Ouroboros – a snake eating its own tail!

But does it really matter if there are plot holes? No, not as long as the film is engaging and the characters transcend any of the weighty material. Unfortunately we have none of that here.

This film’s template is a gift-bag. One that caters to the nostalgia centers of your brain. Its familiar score erupts like a volcano pressuring the inside of school lockers ready to throw something at you that we’ve seen before but should be excited to see again. A line, a scene, the liquid Terminator. A step up in effects? No. Why would it be, this is all cut and paste. In and out of the theater, remember? I’d like to say the people in this film look glad to be there, but they don’t. The camera is not particularly dynamic nor is the dialog anything but insulation foam. Had they shot this in a helium filled chamber it might have brought some animation to the set.

I suppose Arnold’s grin is one redeeming quality to it all, but it’s overused and it was a resounding feature of T2. That is Terminator evolution. He might seem like he’s progressed but Skynet’s still an idiot. The bastard actually accuses humans of ‘always trying to kill what they don’t understand first’. Well, he’s right but considering that he doesn’t understand humans it’s kind of a lofty statement. He’s a hypocrite. And we can accuse him of all that but he’d still try to kill us in the end. When a film like this has a weak framework and is going through the motions I can’t attribute any intelligence to what I’m watching. Yes, they finally gave him a body, the missing component that was going to wrap it all up into a nice neat little package. But will it be the last film out of the gate? Probably. At least for another twenty years. And Arnold is done here as a leading man, returning to the film that made him and now ironically a graveyard.

I don’t really care if they remake any films to tell you the truth. Or at least most anyway. As long as they cut the cord to the original. No need to dance in between generations because the filmmakers making the new ones try to conquer them and make it their own in some way. Or is it because they don’t make it their own that’s the problem? Like eating the heart of their enemy they gain their powers. They might have feasted on their enemies genitalia with this one. I guess you can’t expect much on a studio leash.

Now I wouldn’t mind seeing a new Back to the Future or Beetlejuice and especially a new Forbidden Planet. And even a few Kubrick’s are up for grabs. And if I can handle Kubrick being remade, all else is irrelevant. His operational force is set in stone. His films imprinted on me will always be there and can never be detracted from. They are in no way diminished by any new attempts. So you can’t expect me to get worked up about something that was part of someone’s childhood that they think they own and the hell with anyone else.

We might have inscribed our own eulogies with these films, for an industry that I can’t even be sure will be around for another half century. They are dug up constantly to feed people who are on the life support of the past, trying to entice new people to a funeral. I’m not sure trying to reignite excitement by tracing over our memories is even possible. But I am sure time-traveling isn’t. Especially when it tries to put us in the theater seat as if we were watching it for the first time all over again.

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Damn Dirty Daggit Machine

  • That good, huh

  • And also; Welcome, Sags

  • Sagamanus

    Have you seen it yet?

  • Sagamanus

    Thank you.

  • I’ll wait for the book.

  • Charlie Kelly, Rat Killer

    This is pretty spot on.

  • Charlie Kelly, Rat Killer

    Also, lol at This is the End.

  • God, it was so bad. Okay, it makes sense that the skin of the Terminator ages, so he looks like an old man after a while. But why does he also show the typical old-man-movements? No explanation for that one, eh?

  • The acting was horrible, btw. Arnie was so-so, Courtney and E. Clarke were both bad and the other Clarke, who has a typical B-movie face I noticed, was not intimidating at all.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    Good piece. I really should post a review of this one, myself.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    “But why does he also show the typical old-man-movements?”

    Rusted actuators, I reckon. And a lack of viagra.

  • KilliK

    E.Clarke is a bad actress, that was already obvious in GOT. and she doesnt want to make nudes anymore? yeah, right, she should take a hint from S.Stone’s dead career, now that she is still young.

    also, some of the media which called her the most beautiful woman in the world, should die.

  • KilliK

    oh, you saw the movie? did you like it?

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    I saw it two weeks ago. I’ve held off talking about the movie until now because I want to write an article about it.

    Did I like it? Ummm…sort of. It’s not that bad…compared to the last two sequels. In fact, it’s probably the best of them, by a small margin. And it’s not any worse than a typical modern day blockbuster, despite the media’s spin. It’s definitely not, as was feared, the Batman and Robin of the Terminator franchise and contains a few good moments and ideas, but it’s forgettable, contradictory and redundant, also. And compared to Jim’s two masterpieces, it’s dogshit; although, as we already knew that going in, that’s almost an irrelevant statement to make.

  • Col. Tigh-Fighter

    I rather liked it. But it was a greatest hits album.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    I can tell you that, while she is indeed a mediocre actress, her rack in this movie is glorious (and sadly covered up).

  • Abe

    I want you to write an article about it too.

  • Abe

    Yes! It’s awesome that you’re here.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    I’ll try to submit it soon. My work ethic is very sloppy at the moment, but it will get done.

  • Zed

    Who said that? Her mom?

  • Abe

    Well keep in mind Asi is on vacation right now. So, you can finally write your I love JJ articles.

  • Sagamanus

    Glad to be here too.

  • KilliK

    she did. apparently, she is an “actress” now.

  • KilliK

    i heard there is a hilarious CGI scene with her silhouette undressing ala Jessica Rabbit.

  • KilliK

    so it’s a big pile of shit.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    Fantastic. My fifty-page thesis, discussing how Star Trek Into Darkness is an amazing dissection of post-Millennial conspiracy theories and a work of unbridled genius, as well as a Derrida-like deconstruction of the tenets and limitations of classical logic, will be up shortly.

    Love that Cock Nose; he’s the best!

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    There is. I started to jerk off to it, then they threw me out of the theater. I still don’t know how the movie ends.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    If you want me to give you an uncompromising judgment one way or the other, then I would have to swing that way, yes.


  • KilliK

    actually, I want to write a POI review for its 1st season which I just finished. talk about overrated mediocrity. and ofc Asimov is cumming all over it despite the fact that Jar Jar is producing it, simply because one of his two Nolan lovers is the creator and showrunner.

  • Blue Power Sword

    I saw the film last week, and I liked it. I think it will get a sequel.

  • Turd Has Escaped The Gravy

    Lol. Remember his adamant claims that Bad Robot had little to do with the show, and that they were only attached as a legal stipulation? It’s clear now that they had a lot to do with the show, and that Jonathan Nolan is in tight with JJ. Bad Robot is producing Nolan’s Westworld series, as well.

    If it involves Nolan or Refn, Asimov will praise it; doesn’t matter what it is. Of course, I’m sure he’d say the same about us and Cameron, but it’s not true.

  • Zed
  • Bop

    Holy shit. Someone photographed Harry’s dump.

  • Bop

    Clarke has a body double in GoT now.

  • KilliK

    an 18 years old body double that is.

  • KilliK

    the movie doesnt know how it ends either.

  • Stalkeye

    “Did this film have to be made? No. Should it have been made? Well that’s not up to you, or me. And to be honest no film is sacred. The other Terminator films were seemingly made a lifetime ago. And surely we need a new interpretation, right? After all, they did it with Total Recall and that was just smashing. Just smashing! Cheerio!”

    LMMFAO well played, Saggy. (About damn time you signed up!)

    “I suppose Arnold’s grin is one redeeming quality to it all, but it’s overused and it was a resounding feature of T2.”

    Just by looking at the (featured) pic a few weeks ago, I was so put off by seeing this and not to mention a downgraded PG-13 rating? Fuck that Shit!

    “Ouroboros”? That’s what I said to myself after seeing this ..



    Did someone pay JC Billions to give praise for this clusterfuck?

  • Stalkeye
  • Col. Tigh-Fighter

    POI morphs into something really interesting towards end of S2. It really is a very good show.

  • Should just call the next movie “Terminator: Ouroboros” and get it over with.

  • Zed

    Terminator v Robocop: Grab of Cash

  • Zed

    Patricia has a busy day ahead.

  • Make it so.

  • Tarmac492.1

    Nice article, man. Spot on. I think I will see if I catch this on cable. No rush to see it.

  • Full Frontal Throttle

    I saw this a week ago and concur. I actually got bored with it

  • Full Frontal Throttle

    I agree. Watched all of season one of POI, started season two, but just could not continue. Very overrated, and mediocre. Kept waiting for something really “cool” to happen.

  • Full Frontal Throttle

    That gawd awful stupid smile!

  • Phillyflopper

    Directed by The Krause Brothers?


  • Jawaburger

    There was a whole scene about that, where his knee joint popped out. In addition to his flesh aging, the mechanics aged as well. I am not saying you should enjoy the movie now, but he was an old robot.

  • That’s true… still far-fetched, lol

  • Tim R.R. Something

    Very well written, asshole.

  • Tim R.R. Something

    Can’t comment on the film, I will wait for it on cable.

  • Tim R.R. Something

    good metaphor.

  • Tim R.R. Something

    My script for a Terminator sequel would open in the future as kyle gets sent back- as the machine activates he sees terminators break in and damage it. In a flash he appears on Isla Nubar as the T-Rex attacks the jeeps. Sam Neil is so startled by the naked guy that he forgets to throw flare and gets eaten. The kids get eaten. Jeff Goldblum gets eaten. Kyle doesn’t get eaten because the T Rex is full and has to take a dump.
    Two franchises destroyed before they start: a happy ending.

  • Sagamanus

    Might as well just end them both like that. Can you toss in Mars Attacks?

  • Throfew
  • I enjoyed it well enough. But I never understood what happened to Jon or what the hell he was and had no idea what was up with Genisys/Skynet this time around. Also, Jai Courtney was a terrible Kyle Reese (I could have enjoyed the movie a lot more if they had cast someone other than Jai Courtney: even my wife, who cares naught about such things, complained that he was not remotely Kyle Reese). No Sara Connor nudity, also a problem if you’re giving us a greatest hits.

    Also, honestly, should have found some way to leave the plot in 1984. Why jump to the future like that? Just play out a whole new mess in 1984. But I enjoyed seeing the Arnold-on-Arnold fight and enjoyed seeing Arnold back in the role. I give it 3 stars.

  • There. The perfect review of the film, and very concise.

  • There should be more young Arnold CGI. I’m good with an extended trip into the uncanny valley.

  • They’ve got a few titles to get through before that.

    Terminator: Legacy
    Terminator: Armageddon
    Terminator: Apocalypse
    Terminator: Deep Impact
    Terminator: In Space
    Terminator: Private Eye
    Terminator: For Love or Money
    Terminator: Meets Frankenstein
    Terminator: Of the Apes
    Terminator: Age of Ahnuld
    Terminator: WTF?
    Terminator: A Song of Steel and Iron (Also Titanium)
    Terminator: Full Frontal
    Terminator: XXX
    Terminator: First Blood
    Terminator: A Study in Origami
    Terminator: Hello, America!
    Terminator: Exterminator
    Terminator: Back In the Habit

  • Sagamanus

    I’ll give the film that. But maybe it should have gone on a little longer. The first one you’re talking about right? Where he meets his younger version.

  • Orcus

    This was a decent flick. Nu Sarah came off as a kid trying to pass of as an adult charcter though.

    Aside from that Orcus understands what they were getting at, although it appears that we will have to wait for the directors cut for something a bit more fleshed out in regards to the latter third of the movie