Happy, Happy Halloween: Halloween Resurrection Happy, Happy Halloween: Halloween Resurrection
No sequels are ever really necessary, and those that are equal to the original are usually as rare as hen’s teeth. Nowhere is this... Happy, Happy Halloween: Halloween Resurrection

No sequels are ever really necessary, and those that are equal to the original are usually as rare as hen’s teeth. Nowhere is this truer, and as applicable as it is with Halloween: Resurrection. I suppose it’s appropriate that director Rick Rosenthal, who helmed H2, also helms the last sequel (so far). In a bitter twist of fate, he also went from directing the best to one of the worst. Hint: when the biggest names in the movie are Busta Rhymes and Tyra Banks, you know there’s going to be problems.  The real shame is that the first 15 minutes or so really kick ass, and without question the best part of the movie.

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It’s three years later, after the events of H20, and Laurie Strode is in a mental hospital. It seems MM switched places with an unlucky EMT, and it was that worker who Laurie beheaded. While she plays dumb with staff, she’s quite alert, and hides her pills in a Raggedy Ann doll. As is wont to happen, Halloween rolls around and so does MM. After all these years he finally manages to kill Laurie. With his work done, he gives his knife to a resident at the hospital who’s obsessed with serial killers. Because…well, why the hell not, right?

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A year later six college students are selected to spend the night in MM’s house on Halloween for a live Internet broadcast. While that hook may sound like a huge cliché, in 2002 it was almost fresh. Busta Rhymes and Tyra Banks are putting the whole thing together for their Dangertainment website. With head cameras strapped to their empty noggins, and cameras throughout the house, the half dozen victims head inside the house and wait their turn to be murdered.

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Who will survive, and make it out? Well, truthfully I didn’t really care, as all of them could have been knocked off and I would have been happy. Much like other Halloween films they’re simply a bunch of archetypes with raging hormones and a penchant for ganja. While more developed than others, that still doesn’t make any of them interesting. The only one who is somewhat intriguing is a guy named Deckard who trades messages with one character via her Palm Pilot or whatever the damn thing is.

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As they all explore the house they find remnants of MM’s childhood. Or at least they think they do as it turns out they were props that the producers had planted (including fake dead bodies in the basement which cock blocked one horny couple).  As the movie plods along (and it does plod make no mistake), the college kids are picked off one by one, and as usual including one stabbed and stuck to a door. Out of all the things to do in each movie, why this has become a bit of a calling card is beyond me. I’ve stated my opinion on this in the first essay, and will simply say it’s still moronic.

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One somewhat cool aspect of the movie was towards the end when Deckard was texting MM’s location to one of the girls. It reminded me of how much tech can really ruin a good night of serial killing, when you don’t even to worry about a dead phone line. Anyway, the good news is Tyra Banks gets sliced and diced. The bad news is Busta Rhymes is one of two to make it out. You take what you can get I suppose.

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The acting isn’t really bad, but to be fair the script doesn’t call for any heavy duty emotion or acting skills. Pretty much anyone could have filled these roles and done a competent job. Even Shia LaBeouf. Okay, maybe I wouldn’t go that far, but you get the point. If anything, the earnestness of the young cast is what really makes the movie so bad. They don’t realize how bad the script is, and think they’re in a Scorsese movie, when it’s actually closer to an Uwe Bolles wannabe.

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It’s hard to believe that the man responsible for H2 directed Resurrection. I’m not sure what happened, but never has someone’s abilities behind the camera degraded so quickly. The cuts between what’s on the monitor, the head cams, and then the actual movie don’t always work well together, and to be honest the headcam shots look like absolute crap-so of course that’s what you see the most of.

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Resurrection goes out of its way even more to retcon the franchise and ignore sequels 4-6. I have less of an issue with that, than I do with the death of Laurie Strode.  For 24 years we’ve followed Laurie. We’ve seen her grow from a virginal 17 year old, to a bad ass. To kill her off is an insult to the series, and a slap in the face to the fans (what few remain by this point).  What is the point of bringing her back in H20 only to kill her off I found this as infuriating as Loomis’ behavior in H5.

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I could go on, but really I would just be repeating myself. I understand why fans act as if this installment doesn’t exist, and ‘m going to do the same thing. You’d be wise to forget it as well.

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So there we have it, another Halloween done and dusted. Another series of columns put to bed, and already I’m looking towards next year, and wondering what I should tackle. I’m thinking of the Hellraiser movies.  If I do that, I will definitely need the next 12 months to get over having to have sat through all the Halloween movies. Lots of scares, but many in the wrong way.

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Scott Colbert

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