Ollie: “Turalulaluraaaa” Muthafucka!
Hey…shitfaced and shitheads…this is your Boyo Ollie here to raise a pint and give a shout out to Saint Paddy’s Day by honoring my fellow Irish folk not only in film or music but also icons of pop culture!
Welcome to the Shammys, short for Shamrock (duh!).
Sky: So I take it that you are already “toasted” Ollie?
Ollie: *slurred speech* It’s all about tradition me Boyo. Just look at that golden trophy. Beautiful isn’t it?
Sky: Why a shamrock as opposed to a ”potato” ?
Ah yes, Saint Patrick’s Day, when all the Irish cavort, get drunk, barf, beat each other up, go home and then beat their spouses or significant others. You have to admire those Irish-Americans. Buahuhah!
Ollie: …I resent that comment…tharts a liiiie…Sky! We don’t always barf. *Hiccup*
Sky: I can smell the Hennessy mixed with Guinness eight yards away! You bloody lush.
Ollie: Can you also smell my paws? *Wink* Guess where…. they have been? Aye, “Irish Spring” indeed.
Sky: You pig!
I say, look at the huge diverse turnout within the audience.
It seems that many have are from various cultures, countries and interweb sites to help us celebrate this “festive” award show.
Ollie: Aye fooker, and speaking of dweeb sites, I see mostly past and present colleagues from the ol’ place. Here’s a hint, it rhymes with “Stalk slacker”.
Ollie: There’s our SN buddies Bop, Dee, IAB who is busy sketching pages for his next Studio-Head comic. Good stuff but he should give me a cameo appearance in which SH makes a film based on Planet of the Cats!
Sky: Keep dreaming and why dont you make your own comic as well?
Ollie: I can no longer draw for shite. Besides i’m working on that Fan Fict. (More about that soon!)
Sky: “Good for youuu”! There’s some guy with a Hockey mask and sporting a Blue Jays jersey. Is that Jason Vorhees or Kevin Smith? Oh shit, Its our Boss, Puck! Ah, he held on to TB as long as he could until Finny bailed out altogether so now here we are! Its good to see some familiar faces here especially from the old Talkbacker gang. That being said, there was one who didn’t get the invite.
Ollie: Lemme guess, it rhymes with “Pee Hole”? BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
It wouldn’t matter, he’s probably on dialysis anyway.
*Audience boos *
*Audience laughter *
Ollie: Too soon? Oh piss off! I’m sure you heard worse, like that Holiday Podcast back in 2014. And I’m Mean spirited?
Sky: How clever. Did you make that one up yourself? Ollie you are just too much.
Yes, there are many who came from our former hangouts and as a matter of fact, some have branched out to open their own site.
Ollie: I can see that. Whassup my Niggas?
Ollie: Hey, I’m Black Irish, I can say that Shit.
Sky: As in “Eddie Murphy” Black Irish? No you can’t.
Its wrong regardless of who uses that derogatory term.
Ollie: I said “Nigga” not “
Nigger“. Big difference.
Sky: Keep on telling yourself that ol chap.
Ollie: Here comes the Thought Police. Anyway, I was addressing some familiar faces down in front, there’s a Monkey, a Moonie and a “Mickey”! Also someone not too far from the row is making a lot of noise. Shut the Fuck up!!
Ollie: Relax, I was referring to the guy in the straight jacket. Some Phantom creep who is yelling f bombs throughout the row. And to top it off, there’s that Asshole berating our guests. That Fucker must be smoking bad Weed. Speaking of “smoke”, I see a silhouette of Abe & Jack under a huge smoke cloud. Are those two Vaping again?
Sky: It’s either that or their Vape packs caught on fire…methinks its the latter I’m afraid. Say Ollie, who is that person giggling up there, almost reminds me of that certain Ginger Haired Fellow from “Aint it fool News”.
Ollie: That’s my Sayan buddy, J over there. She’s a Sweetheart and well liked at that place and rightfully so. My kitty Heart goes out her, I hear its a mess over there in Africa! Thanks, Mandela!
You need to lay off the sauce if you’re going to co-host. There’s also some guy walking around the aisle which appears as if hes selling boxes of Cracker Jacks.
Ollie: You need glasses Sky, that’s some author hocking his Detective Novels and KPop CDs.
I was hoping that he was carrying “Nachos,” I need something to go with my bottle of Jamesons.
Sky: Well, he is carrying liquor as well. Wasn’t that the name of his Podcast? Ah, well..
Anyway, Mr. “Boyo” do you wish to announce the Shammys based on these Irish fictional based categories that were handpicked by our producer and of course, benefactor; SE.
Sky: Well it is St Patrick’s Day and he is half Irish you know. You should be glad he’s “representin”, yo!
Ollie: Hey Sky, look at those two dudes going at it on top of the balcony. Oh shit, we know one of the guys, he’s a fellow contributor for the Supernaughts! Its Sags!!
Sky: I can see that the other guy is some sod who calls himself “O’ Keefe”. Its getting ugly real fast up there. Shall I alert security?
Ollie: O’Keefe you say? Ah, its St. Paddy’s Day and since he’s presumably Irish, I suppose brawling comes natural.
Sky: Oh my lord, Sags is beating this guy with a stolen prop from Jame Cameron’s Avatar! Wait! He’s now shoving it up….My God! I think I have seen more than enough! Security!!! And a janitor..there’s Blood, Shit and Piss everywhere!!
Best Horror Film
Halloween III: Season of the Witch
Ollie: And the winner goes to…
…Halloween III: Season of the Witch. No surprise here.
Sky: Why, because of Dan O’Herlihy’s performance as the evil Cochran? Or could it be a refreshing concept from your typical slasher film as in the Halloween franchise?
Ollie: No, I like that fact that the doctor gets it on with some younger chick only for her to turn on him after being converted to a fucking robot!
Plus the Kids’ faces being turned to bugs and worms were cool. Teach those lil’ shits for knocking at my door. “Trick or treat this, bitch”!
Sky: So mean.
Best TV Series:
Sons of Anarchy(Season 3)
Ollie: And the winner is; Copper!
Sky: Excellent series courtesy of BBC, I must say.
Ollie: I was gonna go with Ray Donovan. Cause any Mick who can take out a child molesting Priest and a gangsta Kingpin is one bad motherfucker! So what if he cheats on his wife, have you seen the mug on that rat faced bitch??
Ollie: Beghorra! This list is as long as my dick!
Sky: Hah, you wish.
State of Grace
The Devil’s Own
The Wind that Shakes the Barley
Ollie: And the winner is…holy shite! It’s a ten way tie! They’re all great films and available now via streaming apps on the Amazon Fire TV Stick.
Sky: I’m not too familiar with most of these films however, ’71was brilliant!
Ollie: You’re just saying that because the main protagonist is an Englishman.
Green Lantern(Kyle Rayner)
Ollie: And the winner is…well, Captain America of course!
Sky: Born of Irish immigrant parents, Steven Joseph Rogers became the symbol of the American dream and is representative of the hard working Irish who helped to build America. The pinnacle superhero who represents truth, justice and the American way! Bollocks!
Ollie: Aw, you upset that no one acknowledges Captain Britain? Don’t be hatin!
Sky: I was hoping that Shamrock would get the bloody nom.
Ollie: Oh that would have went over…*Burp* …well, a woman Molly Fitzgerald from Dunshaughlin, Ireland, has red hair and good luck powers, wears a green cloverleaf costume. And, on top of it all, her father was a member of the IRA. What’s next, the lass is also a binge drinker? I saw what you just did, racist! BTW Do the “drapes” match the “carpet”?
Sky: That wasn’t my intention, but now that you mention it…BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Here, allow me to make a few “adjustments” on ol’ Cap.
Ollie: Not bad.
Best Music Artist:
House of Pain (?)
Ollie: And the winner is; The Cranberries!
Sky: Over U2?? I say bollocks!!
Ollie: Hey, these weren’t my picks but any band that can make a song called “Zombie” deserves props. 😛 However, I’ll give Sinéad O’Connor an honorable mention just for calling out the corruption within the Catholic Church. You go, Gurl!
Ollie: And the winner is; Liam Neeson! No surprise there. This man is a legend!
From Rob Roy, a Jedi Master, a Darkman, Ra’s al Ghul, to a badass former mercenary, Liam has starred in a well versed range of roles within his career and he’s still kicking ass in his latest film; Run all Night.
Oh, and I forgot to mention that he banged Helen Mirren, and then there was his role as Ireland’s answer to Malcolm X, Michael Collins (which Liam himself compared his titular role to the Black Civil rights leader).
Sky: Well, that’s nice but for a guy who stars in plenty of action films, I find it ironic that he is a big advocate of gun control within the US. You know what else I see as a contradiction?
Ollie: Ok, humor me Bro.
Sky: How you Irish often display “rainbows” within your blessings, yet Gays aren’t allowed to march in the Saint Patrick’s Day Parade. That’s discrimination and that’s “wrongo boyo”.
Ollie: Look who’s talking, “Boyo”. You fuckers treated us like shit while under UK rule. “No Irish, No Blacks, No Cats”.
Sky: That’s “Dogs” you twit. What about the Irish Civil War, IRA and NYC Race Riots? Huh? And don’t get me started on this…!
Ollie: Well, I guess that wraps it up and I personally would like to thank each and every one who attended our show. I have film studios to run, while “Sky” is busy auditioning to steal more American roles like most British actors these days. *Ahem*
Ollie: That being said, Happy St. Paddy’s Day everyone I’m going to get hammered and get into a few fist fights!
Remember Lads and Lassies,“Drink & think Responsibly”.
Good night, peeps!