Sky & Ollie: The Shammy Awards Sky & Ollie: The Shammy Awards
This is your boyo Ollie here to raise a pint and give a shout out to Saint Paddy's Day by honoring my fellow Irish... Sky & Ollie: The Shammy Awards

Ollie: “Turalulaluraaaa” Muthafucka!

 

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Hey…shitfaced and shitheads…this is your Boyo Ollie here to raise a pint and give a shout out to Saint Paddy’s Day by honoring my fellow Irish folk not only in film or music but also icons of pop culture!

Welcome to the Shammys, short for Shamrock (duh!).

Sky: So I take it that you are already “toasted” Ollie?

Ollie: *slurred speech* It’s all about tradition me Boyo. Just look at that golden trophy. Beautiful isn’t it?

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Sky: Why a shamrock as opposed to a ”potato” ?

BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Ah yes, Saint Patrick’s Day, when all the Irish cavort, get drunk, barf, beat each other up, go home and then beat their spouses or significant others. You have to admire those Irish-Americans. Buahuhah!

Ollie: …I resent that comment…tharts a liiiie…Sky! We don’t always barf. *Hiccup*

Sky: I can smell the Hennessy mixed with Guinness eight yards away! You bloody lush.

Ollie: Can you also smell my paws? *Wink* Guess where…. they have been? Aye, “Irish Spring” indeed.

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*Audience laughter*

Sky: You pig!

I say, look at the huge diverse turnout within the audience.

It seems that many have are from various cultures, countries and interweb sites to help us celebrate this “festive” award show.

Ollie: Aye fooker, and speaking of dweeb sites, I see mostly past and present colleagues from the ol’ place. Here’s a hint, it rhymes with “Stalk slacker”.

Ollie: There’s our SN buddies Bop, Dee, IAB who is busy sketching pages for his next Studio-Head comic. Good stuff but he should give me a cameo appearance in which SH makes a film based on Planet of the Cats!

Sky: Keep dreaming and why dont you make your own comic as well?

Ollie: I can no longer draw for shite. Besides i’m working on that Fan Fict. (More about that soon!)

Sky: “Good for youuu”!  There’s some guy with a Hockey mask and sporting a Blue Jays jersey. Is that Jason Vorhees or Kevin Smith? Oh shit, Its our Boss, Puck! Ah, he held on to TB as long as he could until Finny bailed out altogether so now here we are! Its good to see some familiar faces here especially from the old Talkbacker gang. That being said, there was one who didn’t get the invite.

Ollie: Lemme guess, it rhymes with “Pee Hole”? BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
It wouldn’t matter, he’s probably on dialysis anyway.

*Audience boos *

*Audience laughter *

Ollie: Too soon? Oh piss off! I’m sure you heard worse, like that Holiday Podcast back in 2014. And I’m Mean spirited?

Sky: How clever. Did you make that one up yourself? Ollie you are just too much.
Yes,  there are many who came from our former hangouts and as a matter of fact,  some have branched out to open their own site.

Ollie: I can see that. Whassup my Niggas?

Sky: Ollie!!

Ollie: Hey, I’m Black Irish, I can say that Shit.

Sky: As in “Eddie Murphy” Black Irish? No you can’t.
Its wrong regardless of who uses that derogatory term.

Ollie: I said “Nigga” not “Nigger“. Big difference.

Sky: Keep on telling yourself that ol chap.

Ollie: Here comes the Thought Police. Anyway, I was addressing some familiar faces down in front, there’s  a Monkey, a Moonie and a “Mickey”! Also someone not too far from the row is making a lot of noise. Shut the Fuck up!!

Sky: Ollie!!

Ollie: Relax, I was referring to the guy in the straight jacket.  Some Phantom creep who is yelling f bombs throughout the row. And to top it off, there’s that Asshole berating our guests. That Fucker must be smoking bad Weed. Speaking of “smoke”, I see a silhouette of Abe & Jack under a huge smoke cloud. Are those two Vaping again?

Sky: It’s either that or their Vape packs caught on fire…methinks its the latter I’m afraid. Say Ollie, who is that person giggling up there, almost reminds me of that certain Ginger Haired Fellow from “Aint it fool News”.

Ollie: That’s my Sayan buddy, J over there. She’s a Sweetheart and well liked at that place and rightfully so. My kitty Heart goes out her, I hear its a mess over there in Africa! Thanks, Mandela!

Sky: Hey!!!!
You need to lay off the sauce if you’re going to co-host. There’s also some guy walking around the aisle which appears as if hes selling boxes of Cracker Jacks.

Ollie: You need glasses Sky, that’s some author hocking his Detective Novels and KPop CDs.

I was hoping that he was carrying “Nachos,” I need  something to go with my bottle of Jamesons.

Sky: Well, he is carrying liquor as well. Wasn’t that the name of his Podcast? Ah, well..

Anyway, Mr. “Boyo” do you wish to announce the Shammys based on these Irish fictional based categories that were handpicked by our producer and of course, benefactor; SE.

Ollie: As if doing a Black characters of Cinema and Television wasn’t enough for him now he has to do an Irish article?

Sky: Well it is St Patrick’s Day and he is half Irish you know. You should be glad he’s “representin”, yo!

Ollie: Hey Sky, look at those two dudes going at it on top of the balcony. Oh shit, we know one of the guys, he’s a fellow contributor for the Supernaughts! Its Sags!!

Sky: I can see that the other guy is some sod who calls himself “O’ Keefe”. Its getting ugly real fast up there. Shall I alert security?

Ollie: O’Keefe you say? Ah, its St. Paddy’s Day and since he’s presumably Irish, I suppose brawling comes natural.

Sky: Oh my lord, Sags is beating this guy with a stolen prop from Jame Cameron’s Avatar!  Wait! He’s now shoving it up….My God! I think I have seen more than enough! Security!!! And a janitor..there’s Blood, Shit and Piss everywhere!!

Best Horror Film
Halloween III: Season of the Witch
Leprechaun
Rawhead Rex

Ollie: And the winner goes to…

Halloween III: Season of the Witch. No surprise here.

Sky: Why, because of Dan O’Herlihy’s performance as the evil Cochran? Or could it be a refreshing concept from your typical slasher film as in the Halloween franchise?

Ollie: No, I like that fact that the doctor gets it on with some younger chick only for her to turn on him after being converted to a fucking robot!

Plus the Kids’ faces being turned to bugs and worms were cool. Teach those lil’ shits for knocking at my door. “Trick or treat this, bitch”!

*Audience boos*

Sky: So mean.

Best TV Series:
Copper
Peaky Blinders
Ray Donovan
Sons of Anarchy(Season 3)

Ollie: And the winner is; Copper!

Sky: Excellent series courtesy of BBC, I must say.

Ollie: I was gonna go with Ray Donovan. Cause any Mick who can take out a child molesting Priest and a gangsta Kingpin is one bad motherfucker! So what if he cheats on his wife, have you seen the mug on that rat faced bitch??

Sky: *sigh*

Best Film:

Ollie: Beghorra! This list is as long as my dick!

Sky: Hah, you wish.

’71
Michael Collins
Miller’s Crossing
Patriot Games
Rob Roy
State of Grace
The Devil’s Own
The General
The Wind that Shakes the Barley
Veronica Guerin

Ollie: And the winner is…holy shite! It’s a ten way tie! They’re all great films and available now via streaming apps on the Amazon Fire TV Stick.

Sky: I’m not too familiar with most of these films however, ’71was brilliant!

Ollie: You’re just saying that because the main protagonist is an Englishman.

Best Superhero:
Banshee
Captain America
Daredevil
Green Lantern(Kyle Rayner)

Ollie: And the winner is…well, Captain America of course!

Sky: Born of Irish immigrant parents, Steven Joseph Rogers became the symbol of the American dream and is representative of the hard working Irish who helped to build America. The pinnacle superhero who represents truth, justice and the American way! Bollocks!

Ollie: Aw, you upset that no one acknowledges Captain Britain? Don’t be hatin!

Sky: I was hoping that Shamrock would get the bloody nom.

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Ollie: Oh that would have went over…*Burp* …well, a woman Molly Fitzgerald from Dunshaughlin, Ireland, has red hair and good luck powers, wears a green cloverleaf costume. And, on top of it all, her father was a member of the IRA. What’s next, the lass is also a binge drinker? I saw what you just did, racist! BTW Do the “drapes” match the “carpet”?

Sky: That wasn’t my intention, but now that you mention it…BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Here, allow me to make a few “adjustments” on ol’ Cap.

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Ollie: Not bad.

Best Music Artist:
Dropkick Murphys
Sinéad O’Connor
The Cranberries
U2
House of Pain (?)

Ollie: And the winner is; The Cranberries!

Sky: Over U2??  I say bollocks!!

Ollie: Hey, these weren’t my picks but any band that can make a song called “Zombie” deserves props. 😛 However, I’ll give Sinéad O’Connor an honorable mention just for calling out the corruption within the Catholic Church. You go, Gurl!

Best Actor:
Brendan Gleeson
Cillian Murphy
Colin Farrell
Liam Neeson
Pierce Bronsnan

Ollie: And the winner is; Liam Neeson! No surprise there. This man is a legend!

From Rob Roy, a Jedi Master, a Darkman, Ra’s al Ghul, to a badass former mercenary, Liam has starred in a well versed range of roles within his career and he’s still kicking ass in his latest film; Run all Night.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that he banged Helen Mirren, and then there was his role as Ireland’s answer to Malcolm X, Michael Collins (which Liam himself compared his titular role to the Black Civil rights leader).

Sky: Well, that’s nice but for a guy who stars in plenty of action films, I find it ironic that he is a big advocate of gun control within the US. You know what else I see as a contradiction?

Ollie: Ok, humor me Bro.

Sky:  How you Irish often display “rainbows” within your blessings, yet Gays aren’t allowed to march in the Saint Patrick’s Day Parade. That’s discrimination and that’s “wrongo boyo”.

Ollie: Look who’s talking, “Boyo”. You fuckers treated us like shit while under UK rule. “No Irish, No Blacks, No Cats”.

Sky: That’s “Dogs” you twit. What about the Irish Civil War, IRA and NYC Race Riots? Huh? And don’t get me started on this…!

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Ollie: Well, I guess that wraps it up and I personally would like to thank each and every one who attended our show. I have film studios to run, while “Sky” is busy auditioning to steal more American roles like most British actors these days. *Ahem*

Ollie: That being said, Happy St. Paddy’s Day everyone I’m going to get hammered and get into a few fist fights!

Remember Lads and Lassies,“Drink & think Responsibly”.

Good night, peeps!

*Audience applause*

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Stalkeye

. Satirist, Gamer, Artist and Pop Culture commentator- Stalks offers his outspoken views on on most things Geek related as well as WTF is wrong with the world today!

  • I_am_better

    Halloween III FTW. And the 10-way tie for the other movies is good as well. And it’s pretty tough trying to choose between any of those actors.
    House of Pain?

  • Dee

    Rawhead Rexx, lol.

  • Dee

    I think Abe is a Vapire.

  • Tarmac492.1

    Nice. Very nice.

  • At first I thought you’d forgotten Cillian Murphy!
    But I see it now…just Britney
    How about Chris O’ Dowd?
    🐒
    And where’s the actresses category?
    And leaving the Pogues off the list is reprehensible.
    Not to mention The Nips!
    *monkey deducts 14 punk rock points”
    🙊

  • Really good article though, Mang!
    🐵

  • Stalkeye

    XD Those wacky cats, I tells ya.

  • Stalkeye

    Notice that you dojoers got a lil shout-out? (0:<
    Happy St Pats, my fellow Irish.

  • Stalkeye

    Where the Hell you been? Them hos had you tied to a bed for 40 Days or somethin? Good to see ya, Fooker!!

  • Dee

    The Irish vampire!

  • The Kraken

    What is vaping?

  • Yeppers!
    Cheers to you, me Brethren!
    🙊

  • Tarmac492.1

    been writing some stuff for a longer type story/novel. I will def start posting soon. Although work has been especially hellish

  • Stalkeye

    House of Pain was some obscure Irish Rap band that didnt catch on enough. They’re like one hit wonders thanks to the song, jump.

  • Stalkeye

    Ask slate, he’ll fill you in.

  • I_am_better

    Smoking. Lite.

  • Tarmac492.1

    Jump around did ref “Dawn of the Dead”

  • Tarmac492.1

    Whaddabout The Quiet Man?

  • Stalkeye

    Er, not a fan of John Wayne.

  • Stalkeye

    I was actually contemplating on making Abe reaction Vaping gifs, but he’ll kill me. XD

  • Bop

    I wonder if someone ever called Sinead O’Connor Skinhead O’Connor. The joke is just too easy.

  • Bop

    Lots of catfood for you guys.

  • Bop

    I think Captain Ireland is missing a pint in his hand.

  • Captain Genius

    you don’t have to be, i don’t consider myself a fan of his. that movie is fucking amazing

  • Ollie

    That’s because he’s busy doodling himself at the bare breasted woman above.
    How “Supernaughty”!

  • Ollie

    Our Pantry is already stocked but we can never get enuff!

  • Ollie

    Still funny! HUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

  • Stalkeye

    And their song “Top o’ the mornin” is played during a scene from the Daredevil Movie.

  • Jen ❤️

    Gosh I laughed my head off! *hugs to Ollie and Sky
    erm…Banshee wins hands down!! 😀