Once again, the worlds most famous midget is twatting about trying to assert his masculinity in the fifth movie of this franchise. I absolutely adore the first Mission: Impossible as it was a AAA+ production Directed by Brian DePalma who madeÂ it into a smartÂ techno thriller thatÂ didn’t focus on people firing machine guns at each other through walls but instead concentrated on subterfuge and espionage. It also had fantastic mood and atmosphere with a strong sense of paranoia. That’s what set it apart from the usual Bondian action epics.
M:I-2 was fuck awful as John Woo’s sequel betrayed everything that made theÂ first oneÂ so great. M:I-3 was slightly better but suffered from Jar Jar Abrams’ lackluster Direction, that made it look like a TV movie version of True Lies, and a generic script from script monkey’s Roberto “The Whole Fist” OrciÂ and Alex “Just The Tip” Kurtzman. Ghost Protocol was supervised by these fucking morons which is why it was just as bland as the thirdÂ and especially disappointing as it was animation legend Brad (The Simpsons, The Iron Giant, The Incredibles)Â Bird’s live action feature film Directorial debut.
Rogue Nation isÂ Directed by Christopher McQuarrie who’s a hack screenwriterÂ as The Usual Suspects is one of the most horribly overrated movies of the last 20 years since its release back in 1995.Â Since then he’s only scripted a handful of shitty movies (including Valkarie, from Usual Suspects Director Bryan SingerÂ who probably mistook Cruise for a 13 year old boy due to his height, and the Johnny Depp/Angelina Jolie cure for insomnia, The Tourist) andÂ Directed the shitty Way of the Gun back in 2000 and Jack Reacher (2012), the latter of which starred Scientology’s most famous drone. McQuarrie also doesn’t have a strong visual sense in evidence of the trailer which has the usualÂ orange/teal color palette, making itÂ it look dull as shit while the framing and composition makes the cinematography inÂ your averageÂ ISIS decapitation video look Oscar worthy! And once again the movie is all about showing the 50’something dwarf doing his own stunts to prove his sheer raw manliness whichÂ is why he’s never had to enslave women into his cult to pose as arm candy to cover for any sort of homosexual activity heÂ hides like Zelda from Pet Semetary.
If Cruise had been smart he would have went for someone like Doug Liman, who made The Bourne Identity, or Martin Campbell, who did Goldeneye and Casino Royale. TheseÂ films should be THRILLERS, not action comedies. Also, Cruise needs to kill off some of the useless cunts he has as his co-stars. One of the best things about the first M:I flick was how hisÂ whole team got whacked which is whyÂ theyÂ should bumpÂ off at least one or two of the dead weights (Rhames, Pegg or Renner) to add dramatic tension. These aren’t iconic characters, just meatpuppets taking up screen spaceÂ who should be snuffed for my entertainment like soo many stupid horny teenagers in the Friday the 13th series.
Any hopes of a reboot won’t happen in our lifetime since the last M:I movie was the biggestÂ success of Cruises career as it clearly hit that same box office sweet spot of brainless stupidity that attracts the Bayformers crowd of mouth breathers. I truly loved the first Mission: Impossible movie andÂ it’s been 19 long years of waiting for a worthy sequel which looks as if it will never happen!!!FACT!!!