The first part of this bucket of chopped up bait fish is here. Alcohol has given me a few nights when my memory was about as clear as a politician’s during a debate. That damned, delicious Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Honey can make you forget what planet you are on.... Read more
Steven Spielberg’s Jaws is my favorite movie. I have easily seen it five hundred times, maybe more if you add in the countless late night drunk viewings. It even helped me get laid a few times. As my friend, a reckless Lothario , once told me “Chicks dig... Read more
I love Danny DeVito’s Hoffa. I couldn’t give two busted axles how historically inaccurate it may be. Whether you like this film or not, you might have motor oil on the brain if your views of modern day labor unions sway your feelings for this film. For what it’s... Read more
I nearly killed a twelve pack of fancy beers on Thanksgiving. The bastards of the world charged me with depraved indifference. Thanksgiving is a good drinking holiday. In fact, it is in the top three drinking holidays in the USA. It probably is actually number two, right behind the... Read more
Shot on a minuscule budget with a bit of guerrilla film making, Curtain is reminiscent of the horror movies of the 1980’s as well as classic indies from the 1990’s.
This week it has been 61 years since the first Godzilla- movie has been released. A welcome opportunity to pay homage to the greatest of all movie monsters.
The boss and I are having a rift So I start drinking on the day shift 11 am the bar is half full I greet my whiskey and take a harsh pull A washed up actor laments another arrest Corner stool zombie celebrates a negative HIV test Ancient jukebox... Read more
This is a revised version of an article I wrote a few years ago that appeared on Talkbacker. This review is of the DVD that has the 3 hour version of the two part mini-series. I hate Christmas. It’s for children and retards. With its endless commercials filled... Read more
Exclusive interview with Donald Rubinstein, composer of the great score of Romero’s unusual vampire movie “Martin” (1977)!
My wide eyes scanned the interior of my apartment and it seemed foreign to me. Everything in it was filled with a witch’s scorn.
When I woke up I knew two things with complete certainty. I had blacked out and I had pissed the bed. In that order, I was hoping.
Laws of Gravity, the 1992 film directed by Nick Gomez, takes place in a decaying, pre-hipster Brooklyn. It follows the mundane lives of petty criminals and fringe dwellers.
The first part of this can be found here. I have changed up people’s names I encountered on that day as I am not a journalist and I am not reporting something on their experiences. They all had their own shit they went through and maybe they have already told their... Read more
I don’t remember anything about the day before. It was a long time ago, but still if you try hard enough your mind can usually concoct some sort of memory–real or imagined. I know I was 29. My least favorite age. I was supposed to have made my claim... Read more
Jimmy Quinn is a piece of shit. He is a small time crook too cowardly for the big score and he doesn’t have the stones to go straight. When Quinn gets nervous he looks like a lacquered dog turd plopped at the curb, surrounded by mounds of rotting garbage.... Read more
Sun Don’t Shine, the feature film directorial debut by hardworking and talented independent film actress Amy Seimetz, is a hazy, semi-trippy road movie that takes us through some of the backwaters and chintzy tourist towns of Florida. It tells the story of two lovers, Crystal and Leo, who are on... Read more
Are you bored with your life? Are you tired of your job? Had it with wrestling with stuttering Exchange servers, farting computers and whining end users who make your plump, obnoxious nephew sticking his finger up your dog’s ass seem like pleasant behavior? Has selling auto insurance to narcoleptic... Read more
Peter Weir’s excellent movie, Witness, is a near perfect mash-up of crime drama, romance and fish out of water tale.
F.W. Murnau’s silent masterpiece, Nosferatu, is like the fevered visions of hell we may see when all of our organs are shutting down and death creeps out of the darkness, battling modern medicine for our souls. When the seed of Belial is infecting your blood and soul I am not sure... Read more
When I was an obnoxious teenager approximating growing up in Massapequa, I liked to blast rock music, watch horror movies, hit on cute goth chicks, and shotgun warm Meister Braus until I puked in the middle of the street and my friends would skid through the vomit on their... Read more
Two things recently have me amazed in a way that isn’t necessarily good. The first is that I find my 43 years of unblemished heterosexuality tested every time I have to see Hillary Clinton on tv, screaming like some witch at a haunted carnival and her thundergunt trying to... Read more
“Do you remember when they arrived? Do you remember April 9th? I think you do. Everybody does. All of a sudden, they were everywhere.” Ole Christian Madsen’s Flame and Citron opens with newsreel footage of the Nazi Army marching into Denmark. Over black and white images of goose stepping... Read more
All boozers need a shithole to drink in. It is imperative to find a place where they can ride out the useless hours in an alcoholic haze, free from life’s problems and the tragic terror that is responsibility. The irony that drinking might be the cause of their trials... Read more
Good people do bad things. Desperation is a powerful demon. It can shadow you like a grubby drug dealer, enticing you with the narcotic of better things ahead. Just take this one hit. You just need to do this wrong thing once, then you will vomit it out and... Read more
In this podcast Tarmac and Abe speak with Jessica Howell and Chelsea O’Connor about their sci-fi short Susie Sunshine. The conversation touches on crowdfunding, corporate America, women in film, selling furniture, and Re-Animator the Musical. Chelsea O’Connor – Writer | Director | Producer Jessica Howell... Read more
If you have rotten, treacherous children, Oleg Stepchenko’s Forbidden Empire works better as a punishment for them than entertainment. Maybe Memorial Day weekend is not what it used to be. Crazy parties at the Hampton’s or Fire Island have been replaced with taking the rugrats to their soccer games... Read more
It must be tough to get so close to your dream only to fail. You finally get that date with the hottest girl in school, but you show up with a shit stain peeking through your khakis like a puppy dog covered in sewage. She has her father, a... Read more
Wandering the post-apocalyptic wasteland hardens the exterior. Your skin becomes bulletproof. The wind and sand batter your body like nuclear fallout. The harsh sunlight vulcanizes you, making you seem impervious to physical pain. The body parts you’ve pried from the radiator grill of your muscle car makes your humanity... Read more
Life is about knowing your limits. In all manner of activities, we need to know when to say I’ve had enough people, I am taking a rest. Take it easy with the pushups, your heart could explode.
Humidity is hell on ass hair. It gets all wet and matted and you feel like you are sitting on a dead rat. From below, something unpleasant slow dances with your nose and dips your nostril hairs in an unflushed toilet. You hope the odor is just the remnants... Read more
Unless you are some hip independent film director with fabulous hair, being an outsider can be a lonely endeavor. Misfits wearing pancake makeup and pierced tongues are only generally accepted if they make cacophonous industrial music that expounds on the virtues of witchcraft and recreational drug use. Mother Nature,... Read more
What’s it mean to be a cop in William Friedkin’s classic, The French Connection? You stand outside drinking tasteless coffee—watching the bad guys wine and dine in some upscale bistro—with the cold harassing you like a drunk at a hockey game. The squalor you live in would make meth... Read more
Buzzing by your head like an arrow shot by a crossbow wielding redneck with revenge on his mind, Jeremy Saulnier’s Blue Ruin is a violent crime drama dripping with blood and sarcasm. Using a cleaver to hack off some DNA from the Coen Brothers’ catalogue and cleaning off the... Read more
What to do if you’re a sensitive young man growing up on the hardscrabble streets of Hell’s Kitchen in the early 1980’s? Your old man is one the neighborhood’s biggest Irish gangsters, and your older brother—about as sensitive as pavement in February—has already gone to work for him. He... Read more
Watching some scenes in James Wan’s Dead Silence, I felt like a tarantula was crawling down the front of my trousers. Like some hairy palmed hooker with sharp nails, waves of cold shivers contorted my body in my chair until I could finally shake the imaginary spider off... Read more
Do we invest wisely in the things that we worship? The teams we root for? Is the return worth the pain and sacrifice? What should we do when a beloved singer smacks his woman around in public? What about when you realize your favorite author is just the grumpy... Read more
Coming at you like a boat propeller churning through scared fish, Demons is a hardcore, heavy metal discotheque bloodbath. Like a lot of Italian horror films, what it lacks in story and logic, it more than makes up for with gut splattered style and stunning visuals. Add in a... Read more
Death is a sure shot sniper, ending people with extreme prejudice since the beginning of time. It doesn’t care what color you are or which god you worship, when Death has you in its crosshairs you better hire someone to carve out your epitaph. Perhaps death is easiest... Read more
Larry Clark’s Bully is a fascinating and disturbing film to watch. It plays like an afterschool special penned by a modern day Marquis de Sade. It views suburbia as the crusty sheets on a seedy motel bed. A group of aimless teenagers drift through life like plankton in a... Read more